Category Archives: dependence

Matt Licata on not allowing ‘spirituality’ to shame our needs

Posted on January 20, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

This is so important. The blame and shame model is always toxic, whether the more traditional style, or clad in New Age robes. We all feel, and we all need – it’s integral to the human experience. The helpful response is … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, actualizing tendency, awakening, blaming, bullying, compassion, conditions of worth, consciousness, core conditions, cultural questions, dependence, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, growth, human condition, immanence, kindness & compassion, love, Matt Licata, presence, reality, relationship, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, spirituality, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, touch, vulnerability | Tagged affection, affordable counselling exeter, aggression, aggression of blame, attachment, attunement, being met, being seen, beloved, blame, blaming, caregivers, commitment to self, compassion, completeness, conditional love, conditions of worth, connection, contact, core beliefs, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, dependence, despair, disappointment, Elizabeth Gadd Photography, embodied experience, empathic connection, empathic failure, empathy, encounter, energy, enlightenment, expressing needs, failure of empathy, faith, family of origin, getting needs met in relationship, growth, having needs, hopelessness, human limitations, human needs, invalidation, kindness, lack of validation, Lizzy Gadd, longing, loving kindness, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, low vibration, manifestation, manifesting, Matt Licata, misunderstanding, need for affection, need for contact, need for love, need for touch, need to be heard, need to be received, need to be seen, need to be witnessed, neediness, New Age, new age fundamentalism, no self, not good enough, open heart, own being, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, personal growth, presence, relational animal, relational mammal, relationship, risk, self blame, self care, self compassion, self concept, self esteem, self expression, self judgement, self judgment, self perception, self worth, self-responsibility, self-structure, separation, shame, shaming, spiritual aggression, spiritual growth, spirituality, suppressing need, suppressing self expression, transcendence, trust, unlived life, unmet need, validation, validation of needs, wholeness, withdrawal, witnessing, worth as a person, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yearning | Leave a comment

Anne Lamott on The New Year Diet

Posted on December 31, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Characteristic humour and depth from Anne, on a seasonally relevant theme…. This touches on personal experience for me. I have experienced similar battles to Anne’s. In my past life, I regularly embarked on diets. I have also found more of value in deeper connection … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, Anne Lamott, awakening, bodywork, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, cultural questions, Dance, dependence, Disconnection, Eating, embodiment, emotions, healing, humour, identity, internal locus of evaluation, kindness & compassion, love, meditation, mindfulness, movement meditation, objectification, organismic experiencing, perception, person centred, physical being, presence, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, transformation, trauma, vulnerability | Tagged 'eating disorder', addictive behaviour, addictive eating, affordable counselling exeter, Anne Lamott, awakening, awareness, body dysmorphia, body image, building self esteem, compulsive behaviour, compulsive eating, conscious dance, conscious eating, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, dieting, displaced behaviour, displaced expression, displacement, embodied being, embodiment, emotional eating, food as love, food as substitute for love, injuries to sense of self, lack of love, low cost counselling exeter, movement meditation, negative body image, new year diet, nourishment, nurture, organismic, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, physical being, self abuse, self concept, self esteem, self hatred, self love, self nourishing, self nurture, self punishment, self-loathing, self-structure, sense of self, sugar addiction, sugar craving, therapeutic relationship, therapy, transformation, trauma, trauma response, veganism, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

David Whyte on Giving

Posted on December 19, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

A seasonal meditation from David… Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling in Exeter since 1994

Posted in communication, core conditions, creativity, cultural questions, David Whyte, dependence, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, friendship, gratitude, growth, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, meaning, meditation, mindfulness, perception, photographs & pictures, presence, relationship, risk, self esteem, trust, vulnerability | Tagged acknowledgement, acknowledging others, act of courage, affordable counselling exeter, aliveness, altruism, art of giving, being seen, belonging, bonding, boundaries, communal well being, community, connectedness, connection, Consolations, contemplation, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, David Whyte, dependence, empathy, empowerment, existential meaning, frames of reference, generosity, genius of gift giving, gifting, gifts, giving in relationship, gratitude, heartbreak, human needs, imagination, inspiration, interconnection, interdependence, learning to give, low cost counselling exeter, maturation process, meditation, mindfulness, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, receiving, relationship, relationship to others, relationship to self, relationship to time, self esteem, self worth, self-discovery, selflessness, silent contemplation, Solace Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words, spontaneity, test of character, trust, understanding another, validation, valuing others, well-being, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

How to prepare emotionally for the death of a difficult parent – Jeff Brown

Posted on November 11, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://soulshaping.com/soulshaping/difficult-parent/ Helpful piece, thanks Jeff. Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling Exeter since 1994

Posted in abuse, acceptance, actualizing tendency, awakening, blaming, body psychotherapy, bodywork, child development, childhood abuse, communication, conditions of worth, conflict, consciousness, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, dying, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, external locus, family systems, fear, forgiveness, generational trauma, grief, growing up, guilt, healing, human condition, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, Jeff Brown, kindness & compassion, loss, love, parenting, perception, person centred, presence, reality, relationship, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, surrender, transformation, trauma, trust, vulnerability | Tagged absence, acceptance, acknowledgement, actualising, actualizing, affordable counselling exeter, An Uncommon Bond, ancestors, ancestral pain, ancestral shame, Apologies to the Divine Feminine, Ascending, authenticity, awakened consciousness, awakening, awakening consciousness, bereavement, blame, blaming, body centered psychotherapy, body psychotherapy, bodywork, carrying it forward, child rearing, child self, childhood beliefs, collective consciousness, collective heart, completion, complex grief, conditioning, conditions of worth, confusion, connectedness, connection, context, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, death of mother, death of parent, developmental stages, dialogue, difficult relationships, disappointment, distorted perception, duty, dying mother, dying parent, embodiment, emotional absence, emotional armour, emotional baggage, emotional debris, emotional paralysis, emotional risk, emotional safety, emotional threat, empowerment, encounter, familial ancestors, familial relationship, family relationship, fantasy, forgiveness, forgiving, gender, generational healing, generational pain, generational trauma, grief, grief process, grief therapy, grieving, grieving difficult relationships, guilt, healing, healing conflict, healing rifts, healthy connection, heartbreak, human condition, human development, human limitations, imprints, incomplete, individuating, individuation, inner narrative, interconnection, interdependence, internalised guilt, internalized guilt, introjections, Jeff Brown, Karmageddon, karmic ancestors, kindness, learning to value ourselves, letting go, life experiences, loss, loss of mother, loss of parent, Love it Forward, loving parenting, loving relationship, low cost counselling exeter, metamorphosis, mystification, narrative, need for fantasy, obligation, overcoming, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, perception, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal beliefs, personal transformation, presence, process work, protective mother, psychotherapy, reality, realness, recognition, reflection work, reflective work, rejection, relational dynamics, relationship, relationship therapy, religious perspective, repressed emotions, resolution, safety, self abuse, self blame, self concept, self distraction, self esteem, self love, self protection, self validation, self worth, self-structure, separation, shame, shame and abuse, shame game, shaming, Soulshaping, Spiritual Graffiti, stagnation, surrender, survivalist conditioning, sustainable transformation, talk therapy, talking therapy, tenderness, therapeutic process, therapeutic work, therapy, things unsaid, threat response, toxic parenting, toxic relationship, transformation, unactualized dreams, unconsciousness, unexpressed anger, unhealed grief, unresolved experiences, unresolved memories, validation, validation from others, vigilance, vulnerability, wanting attention, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Nine Voices – Ian Adams

Posted on November 6, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘1 Always want to be right? Welcome the sudden down pour, catching you out. 2 If you need to be needed, walk in the wood; she needs no one, but loves. 3 When you must win at all … Continue reading →

Posted in awakening, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, creativity, dependence, Disconnection, empowerment, encounter, external locus, fear, flow, growth, healing, loneliness, love, meaning, metaphor & dream, mindfulness, natural world, organismic experiencing, perception, physical being, poetry, power and powerlessness, presence, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shadow, spirituality, surrender, vulnerability, wonder | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, breath work, conditions of worth, consciousness, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, encountering fear, fear, Ian Adams, low cost counselling exeter, mindfulness, need for certainty, needing to be right, needing to win, Nine Voices, not knowing, pain and suffering, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, poetry, safety and risk, self care, self concept, shadow, spirituality, surrender, uncertainty, Unfurling, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gabor Maté on what becomes of the desolate child

Posted on November 4, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘Paul Gillespie still can’t get used to the sounds of crying and pain in the graphic videos of children being raped and molested that he has seen all too often on the Web. “It’s beyond horrible to listen to the … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, blaming, child development, childhood abuse, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, conflict, criminal justice model, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, ethics, fear, Gabor Mate, meaning, perception, pornography, power and powerlessness, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, trauma, trust, violence, vulnerability | Tagged addiction, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, alienation from self, alienation in relationship, alienation in society, altered consciousness, authority, awareness, belonging, bio psychosocial model, bio psychosocial perspective, biomedical model, child development, choice, connection, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, criminal justice system, cultural toxicity, denial, disconnection, dislocation, distress, empathy, expectation, fear, Gabor Mate, healing the past, hostility, impulse regulation, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, interconnectedness, interconnection, interdependence, loss of control, loss of meaning, low cost counselling exeter, manipulation, meaning of addiction, meaninglessness, medical model, meeting emotional need, mental health, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, Paul Gillespie, perception, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, powerlessness, relationship, self concept, self medication, self regulation, self soothing, separation, social context of addiction, social isolation, social isolation and health, societal responsibility, socio-economic disadvantage, substitutes for meaning, toxic culture, toxic stress, trauma, traumatised populations, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | 1 Comment

‘Like a silkworm weaving’ Akka Mahadevi – the eclipse, shadow & growth by Ivan Granger

Posted on October 19, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/blog/2015/09/30/akka-mahadevi-like-a-silkworm-weaving/ Beautiful poem by Akka Mahadevi, and profound and beautifully expressed reflections by Ivan in the wake of September’s lunar eclipse. Here’s a taste:- ‘The thing about the dark parts of life and the dark parts of our own psyches … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', acceptance, awakening, cognitive, compassion, compulsive behaviour, congruence, consciousness, core conditions, creativity, dependence, Disconnection, dying, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, fear, growth, healing, human condition, identity, immanence, internal locus of evaluation, kindness & compassion, loss, love, meaning, metaphor & dream, natural world, organismic experiencing, perception, poetry, power and powerlessness, presence, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shadow, shame, spirituality, surrender, vulnerability | Tagged 'evil', A K Ramanujan, abandoned self, acting out, acting out shadow, actualising, actualizing, addiction, addiction and spirituality, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, Akka Mahadevi, attachment, attention, authenticity, awareness, becoming, being, celestial event of note, claustrophobia, compassion, compassionate awareness, complete self, complexity of self, compulsive actions, compulsive behaviour, condemnation, confrontation with self, congruence, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, dark parts of life, death, desire, desperation, difficult experience, difficult feeling, diminishing, discarded self, disowning the shadow, divided self, divided sense of self, dying, eclipse, ego, ego mind, encounter with death, energetic process, exiled parts of ourselves, existential meaning, exteriorized self, externalizing self, fear, fragmentation, frightening, greed, heart centre, ideologues, ideology, inner growth, integrating self, integrating shadow, integration, interior space, Ivan Granger, judgment, letting go, Like a silkworm weaving, listening to ourselves, lost self, low cost counselling exeter, mask slips, metamorphosis, mortality, navel gazing, out of awareness, outward experience, overcoming addiction, owning the shadow, pain, painful, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, perfection, person centred counselling exeter, personal growth, Poetry Chaikhana, problem of desire, process distortion, psychic addiction, sadness, scapegoating, self awareness, self compassion, self concept, self condemnation, self encounter, self judgment, self-structure, sense of self, sensory experience, separation, severance, sexual prudery, shadow, shadows in life, shame, Speaking of Siva, spiritual awakening, spiritual centre, spiritual core, spiritual energies, spiritual growth, spiritual meaning, spiritual opening, spiritual path, spiritual process, spirituality, spontaneity, substance abuse, suffering, surface awareness, surrender, terror, transcendence, transformation, transient experience, trauma, traumatic experience, uncomfortable experience, uncomfortable feeling, unconscious beliefs, unresolved pain, unresolved trauma, vulnerability, what is hidden, wholeness, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Chelsea Fields on the decision to circumsize her baby son

Posted on October 18, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

The writer found it difficult to reach the end of this deeply moving personal account, because of the extent to which she was crying. There’s a quotation from James Hillman we tweeted the other day:- ‘..the question of evil….refers primarily … Continue reading →

Posted in awakening, compassion, congruence, consciousness, core conditions, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, ethics, external locus, family systems, generational trauma, grief, growing up, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, James Hillman, Jung, loss, love, non-conforming, organismic experiencing, parenting, perception, physical being, power and powerlessness, pregnancy, relationship, sadness & pain, trauma, trust, violence, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, anesthetized heart, authenticity, awakening, belonging, causing pain, Chelsea Fields, circumcision, compassion, congruence, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural attitudes to children, cultural attitudes to circumsion, dependence, disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, ethics, external locus, family systems, grief, interconnection, interdependence, internal locus, James Hillman, Jung, loss, love, low cost counselling exeter, making choices for your baby, making choices for your child, non-conforming, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, pregnancy, relationship, sadness, trauma, trust, unconscious, vulnerability, whether or not to circumcise, whether or not to circumsize, witnessing pain, witnessing suffering, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

David Whyte on Heartbreak

Posted on October 16, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘…heartbreak is not a visitation, but a path that human beings follow through even the most average life…’ Beautiful, moving, elegiac reflections from David on the meaning and hidden treasures of heartbreak. The writer believes we have an unhelpful cultural tendency … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, awakening, beauty, Brene Brown, congruence, consciousness, creativity, cultural questions, David Whyte, dependence, Disconnection, dying, embodiment, emotions, empathy, equality, gratitude, grief, growth, human condition, interconnection & belonging, loss, love, meaning, metaphor & dream, organismic experiencing, perception, poetry, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, self, spirituality, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, aliveness, attachment, avoiding pain, awakening, becoming, becoming a person, belonging, bereavement, Brené Brown, connectedness, connection, consciousness, Consolations, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, David Whyte, death, Death of a Child, dying, elemental forces, essence of being human, evanescence, generosity, grief, heartbreak, human condition, human needs, inevitability of heartbreak, interconnection, interdependence, language, learning, letting go, living, loss, loss of a child, lost dream, love, love relationship, low cost counselling exeter, making friends with grief, making friends with heartbreak, maturing, maturity, metaphor, mortality, need, nourishment, pain of living, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, patience, person centred counselling exeter, personal growth, personal journey, personal process, poetry, powerlessness, relationship, seeking to avoid pain, Self, shattered dream, sincerity, solace, spirituality, TED, transcendence, transience, underlying meaning, unrequited love, vocation, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gabor Maté on Addiction, change & relationship with someone who is addicted

Posted on October 6, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘To live with an addict of any kind is frustrating, emotionally painful and often infuriating. Family, friends and spouse may feel they are dealing with a double personality: one sane and lovable, the other devious and uncaring. They believe the … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, accountability, actualizing tendency, anger, blaming, communication, compulsive behaviour, consent, core conditions, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, emotions, encounter, ethics, family systems, Gabor Mate, guilt, loss, person centred, power and powerlessness, relationship, research evidence, sadness & pain, self concept, shadow, shaming, transformation | Tagged 7 stages, acceptance, accepting others, acknowledging reality, addict, addiction, adult-to-adult relationships, affordable counselling exeter, anger, attempting to change others, autonomous, autonomy, blame, blaming, brain physiology, broken promises, changing others, choice, coercion, confrontation, consent, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, dishonesty, double personality, Edward Deci, emotional withdrawal, family attitudes in addiction, fear, frustration, Gabor Mate, guilt, guilt and resentment, harmful behaviour, hostility, hurtful behaviour, intention, intervention, judgement, leaving an addict, low cost counselling exeter, Maia Szalawitz, manipulating, motivation, motivation and addiction, motivational techniques, not judging, nurture, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, punishing, punishment, rage, Realm of Hungry Ghosts, reforming an addict, rejecting, rejection, relationship with an addict, resenting, resentment, resentment in relationship, responsibility, sabotage in relationship, self abnegation, self concept, self-mastery, self-responsibility, self-sacrifice, self-structure, seven stages, shadow, shame, shaming, soul suicide, taking responsibility for another person's behaviour, tolerating behaviour, tough love, toxic relationship, unconditional acceptance, unreliability, wisdom, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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