Category Archives: conditions of worth

On the Wildness of Children – Carol Black

Posted on September 19, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://carolblack.org/on-the-wildness-of-children Click on the link above to visit Carol’s website for this well written and profoundly important article. Gratitude to Embercombe for alerting us to this piece via their Facebook page. “But as Odawa elder and educator Wilfred Peltier tells … Continue reading →

Posted in autonomy, awakening, boundaries, Carol Black, child development, cognitive, community, conditions of worth, conflict, consciousness, consent, creativity, cultural questions, Disconnection, education, ethics, fear, growing up, human condition, meaning, natural world, paradigm shift, parenting, political, power and powerlessness, rewilding, teaching | Tagged #resist, absorbing culture by osmosis, adapting children, ADHD and modern schooling, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, Aodla Freeman, basic human needs, biodiversity, Carol Black, child centered learning, child centred learning, childhood and freedom, childhood and lack of freedom, children and wildness, children as products, children staying indoors, children with freedom, children’s disconnection from the natural world, children’s instinct for dissent, clan, coercive education, coercive learning, collaboration and learning, complex social structures, confining children, conscious parenting, conscious schooling, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity and education, desire based learning, developing a sense of self, disconnect from nature, disconnection from the natural world, dissent, eco literacy, education and compliance, education and confinement, education and conformity, education and control, education and cultural norms, education and ethics, education and social control, education and social enforcement, education and social engineering, education and submission, education and suppression, educational theory, effect of freedom on children, effect of school on children, efficiency, Ellwood Cubberley, environmental education, ethical principal of consent, ethical principle of non interference, factory education, fear based culture, fear based education, fear based mindset, fear based schooling, fear mindset, fear of wildness, forgetting as coping mechanism, forgetting as resistance, forgetting as strategy, free child, free child outdoors, free play, free thinking, freedom from violence, fundamental human needs, home education, home schooling, how children learn, human relationship and consent, importance of community, importance of connection, importance of consent, importance of relationship with natural world, importance of wildness, inattention as coping mechanism, inattention as resistance, inattention as strategy, indigenous wisdom, institutionalisation, institutionalization, Jack Turner, John Taylor Gatto, land based societies, Leanne Betasamosake Simpson, learning and attentional states, learning and consent, learning appropriate species behavior, learning skills, low cost counselling exeter, meaningful responsibility, measurement as a value, mindfulness, Mini Aodla Freeman, mixed age extended family, modern schooling, nature and man, nature and spirituality, nature of man as spirit, non conformity, non-conforming, obedience, open attention, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, orderliness, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, patriarchy, Paul le Jeune, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, play as learning, punctuality, rebellion in children, rebelliousness, relationship with the natural world, right of self determination, right of self governance, rural life, savage, school and confinement, schooled kids, self preservation, self protection, separation from the natural world, shamanic wisdom, social checks and balances, socialisation, socialization, species nature, standardization, strategies of resistance, student centered learning, student centred learning, supporting creativity in children, Suzanne Gaskins, teaching children about nature, The Abstract Wild, the past is never dead, Thoreau, unforced learning, unmet needs, unreleasable, use of force, village to raise a child, Walking, wild being, wild mind, wildlife rehabilitation, wildness, wildness and civilisation, wildness and civilization, wildness preserves, Wilfred Peltier, William Faulkner, William Torrey Harris, withdrawal as coping mechanism, withdrawal as resistance, withdrawal as strategy, wounded culture, www.carolblack.org, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Marion Woodman on Growth

Posted on July 12, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“There is no growth without real feeling. Children not loved for who they are do not learn how to love themselves. Their growth is an exercise in pleasing others, not in expanding through experience. As adults, they must learn to … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, compassion, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, emotions, growing up, growth, love, Marion Woodman, parenting, person centred, presence, relationship, self concept, unconditional positive regard | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, being accepted, Coming Home to Myself, conditional love, conditional regard, conditions of worth, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, deep feeling, experiencing acceptance, feeling emotions, inner child, low cost counselling exeter, Marion Woodman, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, pleasing others, real feeling, receiving nurture, reparenting, seeking approval, self acceptance, self care, self compassion, self concept, self love, self nurture, self-structure, winning approval, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Ursula Le Guin on the unhelpfulness of ideas about ‘deserving’

Posted on May 5, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', blaming, conditions of worth, cultural questions, ethics, good, guilt, human condition, perception, shaming, Ursula Le Guin | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, concepts of fair, conditions of worth, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural ideas of deserving, dispossessed, earning and deserving, fairness, fault and blame, human worth, intrinsic human worth, low cost counselling exeter, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, punishment and reward, Ursula Le Guin, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Dr. Gabor Maté on Donald Trump, Traumaphobia & Compassion – John Lavitt

Posted on January 4, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://www.thefix.com/dr-gabor-mate-donald-trump-traumaphobia-and-compassion-interview ‘…a few days ago, I met a young woman who was an emergency room physician in Detroit, and she had graduated from medical school in Michigan. Although I knew the answer, I asked her how many lectures she had … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, acceptance, accountability, blaming, bullying, child development, childhood abuse, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, criminal justice model, cultural questions, cultural taboos, dependence, Disconnection, empathy, encounter, ethics, external locus, family systems, fear, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, healing, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, meaning, objectification, paradigm shift, perception, political, power, power and powerlessness, psychiatry, research evidence, resilience, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, trauma, vulnerability | Tagged ACE, adaptive compensations, addict, addiction, addiction and trauma, addiction as choice, addiction as inherited brain disease, addiction as moral failing, addiction to profit, addiction treatment, addictive behaviors, addictive behaviours, addictive patterns, adult personality, affordable counselling exeter, being let down, belief systems, BEYOND DRUGS, brain as social organ, bullying, changing public perception, child development, child’s interaction with environment, childhood adversity, childhood circumstances and addiction, childhood trauma, combat veterans, compassion, compassionate treatment of addiction, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, connection with others, core fear, core pain, core threats, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, criminalising behaviour, criminalizing behaviour, cultural dysfunction, cultural hypocrisy, cultural oppression, demeaning, denial of climate change, denying dysfunctions, direction of healing, disappointed idealism, disappointed optimism, disillusionment, domineering personality, Donald Trump, Dr David E Smith, Dr Murthy, drug use, drugs and trauma, dysfunctional behavior, dysfunctional behaviour, dysfunctionality, dysfunctionality of addicted cerebrum, ego defence mechanism, ego defense mechanism, emotional environment, emotional environment and child development, emotional trauma, empathic resonance, empathy, escape from suffering, expanding self awareness, external locus, family systems, focus on capitalist growth, forced treatment, functionality, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, grandiosity, happiness index, helping people, humanity, idealistic hopes, in denial, inherited trauma, John Lavitt, judgment stigma and fear, lack of care, lack of nurture, lack of trauma services, lack of trauma treatment, loss of moral bearings, low cost counselling exeter, low self worth, mainstream medical views, marginalising, marginalizing, materialism, misogyny, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic, narcissistic obsession with self, negative consequences, negative self worth, negative sense of self worth, not judging people, numbing, objectification, opioid epidemic, oppression, othering, overcoming systemic prejudice, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, pathologising Donald Trump, pathologizing Donald Trump, pathology of Donald Trump, person centred counselling exeter, plank in eye, politics of oppression, power and powerlessness, power as marker of success, predisposition to addiction, projection, PTSD, PTSD and childhood trauma, punishing addicts, rageaholic, research on trauma, resistance to change, resistance to reality, role of trauma, role of trauma in addiction, seeing humanity in others, self awareness, self concept, self differentiation, self image, self-structure, sense of superiority, shadow, social exclusion, social ostracism, societal stigma, society in denial, substance use, survival mechanisms, systemic adjustment, systemic change, systemic reactions, the Haight Ashbury Free Clinic, toxic cultural norms, traumaphobia, traumaphobic, traumatised child, traumatized child, traumatized in childhood, Trump as cultural manifestation, Trump Clinton and Trauma, Trump is Obama’s legacy, understanding others, Universal Experience of Addiction, unresolved trauma, vulnerability, wealth as marker of success, why love matters, why was Trump elected, wilful ignorance, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

I’m a Therapist, But I’m Not Your Therapist – Kathleen Smith

Posted on December 30, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://www.thecut.com/2017/12/therapist-friends-ask-for-advice.html?utm_campaign=sou&utm_source=fb&utm_medium=s1 Click on the link above for Kathleen’s thoughtful and perceptive piece…. Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling in Exeter since 1994

Posted in boundaries, communication, community, conditions of worth, congruence, core conditions, cultural questions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, ethics, friendship, growth, healing, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, non-directive counselling, power and powerlessness, presence, relationship, resilience, sadness & pain, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, vulnerability | Tagged advice and therapy, affordable counselling exeter, asking advice, assumptions, autonomy, boundaries, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, expectations in relationship, expectations of self, internal locus, Kathleen Smith, low cost counselling exeter, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, prophet in own land, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Matt Licata on Ego

Posted on October 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘Ego’ for many of us becomes a term of abuse for self/other and source of shame. Here’s a radically different and far more accurate/useful take on this…. Thanks, Matt. Here’s the text for those who have difficulty seeing Facebook links:- … Continue reading →

Posted in blaming, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, encounter, human condition, identity, kindness & compassion, love, Matt Licata, meaning, meditation, organismic experiencing, perception, presence, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shame, shaming, spirituality, vulnerability | Tagged 'eating disorder', abandoning experience, addictive behavior, addictive behaviour, addictive eating, affordable counselling exeter, anxious avoidant attachment, aroused nervous system, attachment, attachment figures, attuning to experience, avoiding feeling, avoiding pain, avoiding suffering, blaming, claustrophobia, coming home to yourself, compassionate response, compensatory behavior, compensatory behaviour, complaining, compulsive eating, conceptual spirituality, conscious awareness, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, critical thoughts, cycle of abandonment, denying experience, denying feelings, denying pain, denying reality, disembodied, disembodiment, disordered eating, dissociation, doorway into wholeness, ego, ego as process, embodied response, embodied vulnerability, emotional suffering, empathy, escaping vulnerability, existential meaning, experience distant, experiencing ego, experiential, experiential learning, feeling unsafe, Great Mystery, heartbreak, heavy heart, humanness, invitation into presence, kind curiosity, kindness to self, limbic fight flight, longing, low cost counselling exeter, managing anxiety, Matt Licata, meaning of ego, meditative enquiry, moving away from pain, othering, overwhelming anxiety, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, panic, person centred counselling exeter, personal process, presence, process, projective identification, rage, restlessness, returning home, sadness, self abandonment, self aggression, self blaming, self care, self compassion, self empathy, self enquiry, self love, self nurture, self shaming, shame, shaming, spirituality, splitting, vulnerability, warmth, what is ego, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yogic response | Leave a comment

Spinning Straw – Tracy Cochran

Posted on September 12, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://parabola.org/2017/07/30/spinning-straw-by-tracy-cochran/?utm_content=buffer9bcb5&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer Click on the link above to visit the site for Parabola Magazine for this remarkable reworking of the Brothers Grimm. It is not long since we published a piece by Tracy – but the writer stumbled upon this at … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, acceptance, accountability, autonomy, beauty, blaming, boundaries, bullying, cognitive, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, consent, core conditions, creativity, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, fear, feminine, good, gratitude, grief, growth, guilt, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, loneliness, loss, love, meaning, metaphor & dream, objectification, perception, power, power and powerlessness, relationship, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shadow, surrender, Tracy Cochran, transformation, vulnerability | Tagged abandonment, abuse of power, acceptance by the tribe, affordable counselling exeter, aliveness, aloneness, ancestors, armouring, Arthur Rackham, asking the impossible, autonomy, autonomy and acceptance, autonomy and belonging, bargaining, being in the shadows, being invisible, being left, being more, being unable to hold boundaries, betrayal, betraying love, betraying truth, betraying what you love, bitterness, boundaries, Brothers Grimm, causing harm, compassion, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, craving life, cut off from life, dare to be straw, deepest humanity, desecrated, desperation, diminishing ourselves, disconnection, divided, doing more, doing the math, ego mind, embodiment, empathy, emptiness, empty life, entitlement, everyone is special, everything is sacred, everything is special, evolutionary biology, existential emptiness, existential meaning, fairy tales, fear as a driver, fear of death, fear of loss, fear reaction, feeding people, feeling connected, feeling invisible, finding a place, finding balance, finding your reflection in another, folklore, fully alive, good enough, Great Mystery, guilt, having a place, having choice, heartfulness, here and now, holding yourself apart from love, holy work, how to live, humility, identity, inner smallness, internal division, invading boundaries, isolating behaviour, joy of connecting, joy of connection, keeping yourself alone, keeping yourself separate, knowing another, knowing each other, lacking choice, learning how to live, life is more precious than gold, listening without judgment, little rattle stilt, living experience, living fully, locating yourself, losing yourself, loss and grief, low cost counselling exeter, meeting needs indirectly, meeting needs obliquely, metamorphosis, metaphor, mind limitation, mind trap, mirror of another, mirror of love, mortality, myth, nameless, needing others, newborn, no such thing as magic, no-one is special, non possessive love, not good enough, not knowing yourself, not special, nothing is sacred, nothing is special, objectification, objectifying, ordinary and sacred, othering, otherworldly, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, power and powerlessness, power over, present moment, privilege, promises and betrayal, pure love, rage, reflection of love, relationship as transaction, remembering ourselves, resilience, responding and reacting, Rumplestiltskin, sacred love, sacredness, science and magic, science not magic, self acceptance, self armouring, self awareness, self betrayal, self concept, self denigration, self enclosed, self enclosure, self hate, self isolation, self knowledge, self limitation, self love, self rejection, self-structure, sense of sacred, shadow, small self, speaking unwisely, speaking wildly, spinning straw, spinning straw into gold, splitting, story-telling, stuckness, submissiveness, submitting, surrender, survival and acceptance, survival and belonging, telling tales, the first mother, The Heart of Oak Books, the wheel turned, the witness, Tracy Cochran, transformation, transience, trapped in your head, trying to explain, trying to save ourselves, trying to save yourself, turning wheel, unbounded love, unconditional love, using others, value of being alive, value of life, wanting approval, wanting closeness, wanting connection, wanting to be acceptable, wanting to be close, wanting to be known, wanting to be seen, wanting to belong, wanting to feel important, wanting to matter, wanting to please, web of life, what keeps us from love, wholesome work, without consent, without judgment, witnessing consciousness, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Howard Thurman on the sound of the genuine within

Posted on September 6, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of … Continue reading →

Posted in autonomy, conditions of worth, congruence, consciousness, Disconnection, empowerment, external locus, identity, internal locus of evaluation, non-conforming, organismic experiencing, power and powerlessness, presence, self, self concept, trust | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, authenticity, autonomy, being your own person, congruence, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, empowerment, existential meaning, experiential truth, external authority, external locus, hearing yourself, Howard Thurman, identity, inner locus, internal locus, introjections, inward locus, listening to yourself, living your truth, low cost counselling exeter, non conforming, organismic, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, powerlessness, presence, self construct, self empathy, self empowering, self listening, self trust, self-structure, sound of the genuine, true to self, true to yourself, walking your own path, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

What Taking Care of Yourself Really Means – Elizabeth Gilbert

Posted on August 29, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.oprah.com/inspiration/Elizabeth-Gilbert-Practical-Ways-To-Practice-Self-Care?FB=fb_sss_gilbert_self_care Click on the link above for this vitally important and approachable piece by Liz Gilbert (‘Eat, Pray, Love’ and ‘Big Magic’) on how to make sense of the – so difficult for so many – idea of loving yourself:- … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, compassion, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, Disconnection, Elizabeth Gilbert, embodiment, empathy, encounter, fear, healing, identity, kindness & compassion, love, Mary Oliver, metaphor & dream, physical being, power and powerlessness, presence, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shame, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, transformation, trauma, trust, vulnerability | Tagged abuse and trauma, abused, affordable counselling exeter, beyond fear, Big Magic, blame cycles, blame model, caring for yourself, Cole Porter, communicating affection, communicating love, conditions of worth, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creative living, dealing with abuse, dealing with trauma, desperation, edge of terror, effect of lack of love, Elizabeth Gilbert, engaging with agitation, experiencing loneliness, experiencing stress, expressing affection, expressing love, fear of abandonment, fear of being abandoned, fear of being hurt, fear of being left, fear of hurt, how do I love myself, how to love, inner animal, lack of love, Liz Gilbert, loving care, loving yourself, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, managing abuse, Mary Oliver, merely mammals, neglect, neglected animal, neuroses, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, playing, practicing self care, practising self care, raising self esteem, responding to agitation, responding to trauma, Self, self abandonment, self abuse, self acceptance, self care, self compassion, self concept, self harm, self hatred, self love, self neglect, self stewardship, self-responsibility, shame and blame, shame cycles, showing affection, showing love, soft animal, taking care of your animal, taking care of yourself, tenderness, terror, trauma response, traumatisation, traumatization, traumatized animal, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

‘Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink’ Kristi Coulter

Posted on July 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink Click on the above link to visit Quartz Media’s site, for Kristi’s great piece about women, alcohol and our culture. This is from a U.S. perspective … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, advertising, anger, autonomy, awakening, boundaries, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, embodiment, equality, external locus, feminine, Gender & culture, gender identity, guilt, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, mindfulness, non-conforming, objectification, organismic experiencing, perception, physical being, political, power and powerlessness, presence, reality, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, trust | Tagged acceptance, accepting the unacceptable, addiction, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, altering natural responses, anger as energy, avoiding change, beer yoga, being a woman, being everything, being ignored, being interrupted, being shamed, being underestimated, being undermined, being who you are, belonging, body consciousness, body image, camouflage, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conditioning, conditions of worth, conforming, conformity, conscious living, consciousness, controlling women’s bodies, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural conditioning, cultural disembodiment, cultural pathology, cultural sickness, cultural trauma, dealing with bigotry, dealing with discrimination, dealing with prejudice, disconnecting, disconnecting from emotion, disconnecting from experiencing, disconnecting from feelings, disconnection, disembodied, displacement behaviour, dissociating, doing everything, drink as signifier, drivers, enjoying, enjoyment, equality, escaping reality, experiencing bigotry, experiencing discrimination, experiencing prejudice, facing reality, fairness, faking it, feminine conditioning, feminine role models, feminism, finding enjoyment, finding well being, First World Problems, First World woman, free time, gender oppression, gender privilege, generating well being, intolerable reality, invisibility, it’s not fair, Jiddu Krishnamurti, judginess, judging others, lack of equality, low cost counselling exeter, mansplaining, maternity leave, Matrix, micro aggressions, mindful savoring, mindful savouring, mindfulness, minimising, minimizing, misogyny, need for a drink, needing a drink, no acceptable way to be a woman, no easy way to be a woman, non conforming, non conformity, not knowing, numbing, numbing natural responses, objectification, objectifying, oppression, organismic, overriding yourself, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, patriarchal attitudes, patriarchal oppression, patriarchy, peer pressure, perfection driver, perfectionism, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, Planned Parenthood, purpose of anger, sacred feminine, scarcity of role models, self acceptance, self care, self hatred, self love, self medicating, self rejection, self soothing, self trust, self-loathing, shame, shaming, shaming women, shrinking from reality, sick culture, sick society, sobriety, softening reality, softening the edges, supporting mothers, supporting women, systemic depletion, systemic exhaustion, telling women to smile, toughness, trusting natural responses, trusting who you are, trusting yourself, trying driver, using anger, Vinyasa & Vino, well-being, wetiko, Wetiko Capitalism, wetiko psychosis, Wetikonomy, women drinking, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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