Category Archives: child development

On the Wildness of Children – Carol Black

Posted on September 19, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://carolblack.org/on-the-wildness-of-children Click on the link above to visit Carol’s website for this well written and profoundly important article. Gratitude to Embercombe for alerting us to this piece via their Facebook page. “But as Odawa elder and educator Wilfred Peltier tells … Continue reading →

Posted in autonomy, awakening, boundaries, Carol Black, child development, cognitive, community, conditions of worth, conflict, consciousness, consent, creativity, cultural questions, Disconnection, education, ethics, fear, growing up, human condition, meaning, natural world, paradigm shift, parenting, political, power and powerlessness, rewilding, teaching | Tagged #resist, absorbing culture by osmosis, adapting children, ADHD and modern schooling, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, Aodla Freeman, basic human needs, biodiversity, Carol Black, child centered learning, child centred learning, childhood and freedom, childhood and lack of freedom, children and wildness, children as products, children staying indoors, children with freedom, children’s disconnection from the natural world, children’s instinct for dissent, clan, coercive education, coercive learning, collaboration and learning, complex social structures, confining children, conscious parenting, conscious schooling, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity and education, desire based learning, developing a sense of self, disconnect from nature, disconnection from the natural world, dissent, eco literacy, education and compliance, education and confinement, education and conformity, education and control, education and cultural norms, education and ethics, education and social control, education and social enforcement, education and social engineering, education and submission, education and suppression, educational theory, effect of freedom on children, effect of school on children, efficiency, Ellwood Cubberley, environmental education, ethical principal of consent, ethical principle of non interference, factory education, fear based culture, fear based education, fear based mindset, fear based schooling, fear mindset, fear of wildness, forgetting as coping mechanism, forgetting as resistance, forgetting as strategy, free child, free child outdoors, free play, free thinking, freedom from violence, fundamental human needs, home education, home schooling, how children learn, human relationship and consent, importance of community, importance of connection, importance of consent, importance of relationship with natural world, importance of wildness, inattention as coping mechanism, inattention as resistance, inattention as strategy, indigenous wisdom, institutionalisation, institutionalization, Jack Turner, John Taylor Gatto, land based societies, Leanne Betasamosake Simpson, learning and attentional states, learning and consent, learning appropriate species behavior, learning skills, low cost counselling exeter, meaningful responsibility, measurement as a value, mindfulness, Mini Aodla Freeman, mixed age extended family, modern schooling, nature and man, nature and spirituality, nature of man as spirit, non conformity, non-conforming, obedience, open attention, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, orderliness, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, patriarchy, Paul le Jeune, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, play as learning, punctuality, rebellion in children, rebelliousness, relationship with the natural world, right of self determination, right of self governance, rural life, savage, school and confinement, schooled kids, self preservation, self protection, separation from the natural world, shamanic wisdom, social checks and balances, socialisation, socialization, species nature, standardization, strategies of resistance, student centered learning, student centred learning, supporting creativity in children, Suzanne Gaskins, teaching children about nature, The Abstract Wild, the past is never dead, Thoreau, unforced learning, unmet needs, unreleasable, use of force, village to raise a child, Walking, wild being, wild mind, wildlife rehabilitation, wildness, wildness and civilisation, wildness and civilization, wildness preserves, Wilfred Peltier, William Faulkner, William Torrey Harris, withdrawal as coping mechanism, withdrawal as resistance, withdrawal as strategy, wounded culture, www.carolblack.org, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Reasons not to use ‘timeouts’ or ‘naughty steps’

Posted on August 21, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Useful short film, explaining how ‘timeout’ or the ‘naughty step’ harm your relationship with your child and damage their ability to connect helpfully with their feelings and with you. Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling in Exeter since 1994

Posted in anger, blaming, boundaries, child development, communication, compassion, cultural questions, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, family systems, growing up, interconnection & belonging, parenting, relationship, sadness & pain, self concept, shame, shaming, teaching, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, building relationship, conscious parenting, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating boundaries, emotional awareness, emotional intelligence, low cost counselling exeter, models of connection, models of disconnection, models of intimacy, models of separation, naughty step, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, time-outs, timeouts, why time outs harm your child, why time outs harm your relationship with your child, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Rupi Kaur on confusing anger and kindness

Posted on April 30, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“Every time you tell your daughter you yell at her out of love you teach her to confuse anger with kindness which seems like a good idea till she grows up to trust men who hurt her cause they look … Continue reading →

Posted in anger, boundaries, child development, communication, cultural questions, family systems, feminine, growing up, kindness & compassion, love, parenting, perception, relationship, trust, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, boundaries, compliance, conditions of worth, conforming, confusing anger and kindness, congruence, conscious parenting, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating boundaries, empowerment, expressing yourself, feminism, internal locus, low cost counselling exeter, misplaced trust, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting and anger, parenting and boundaries, people pleasing, person centred counselling exeter, raising children, realness, rupi kaur, seeking approval, self concept, self esteem, self-determination, self-structure, shouting at children, trust, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Dr. Gabor Maté on Donald Trump, Traumaphobia & Compassion – John Lavitt

Posted on January 4, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://www.thefix.com/dr-gabor-mate-donald-trump-traumaphobia-and-compassion-interview ‘…a few days ago, I met a young woman who was an emergency room physician in Detroit, and she had graduated from medical school in Michigan. Although I knew the answer, I asked her how many lectures she had … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, acceptance, accountability, blaming, bullying, child development, childhood abuse, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, criminal justice model, cultural questions, cultural taboos, dependence, Disconnection, empathy, encounter, ethics, external locus, family systems, fear, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, healing, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, meaning, objectification, paradigm shift, perception, political, power, power and powerlessness, psychiatry, research evidence, resilience, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, trauma, vulnerability | Tagged ACE, adaptive compensations, addict, addiction, addiction and trauma, addiction as choice, addiction as inherited brain disease, addiction as moral failing, addiction to profit, addiction treatment, addictive behaviors, addictive behaviours, addictive patterns, adult personality, affordable counselling exeter, being let down, belief systems, BEYOND DRUGS, brain as social organ, bullying, changing public perception, child development, child’s interaction with environment, childhood adversity, childhood circumstances and addiction, childhood trauma, combat veterans, compassion, compassionate treatment of addiction, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, connection with others, core fear, core pain, core threats, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, criminalising behaviour, criminalizing behaviour, cultural dysfunction, cultural hypocrisy, cultural oppression, demeaning, denial of climate change, denying dysfunctions, direction of healing, disappointed idealism, disappointed optimism, disillusionment, domineering personality, Donald Trump, Dr David E Smith, Dr Murthy, drug use, drugs and trauma, dysfunctional behavior, dysfunctional behaviour, dysfunctionality, dysfunctionality of addicted cerebrum, ego defence mechanism, ego defense mechanism, emotional environment, emotional environment and child development, emotional trauma, empathic resonance, empathy, escape from suffering, expanding self awareness, external locus, family systems, focus on capitalist growth, forced treatment, functionality, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, grandiosity, happiness index, helping people, humanity, idealistic hopes, in denial, inherited trauma, John Lavitt, judgment stigma and fear, lack of care, lack of nurture, lack of trauma services, lack of trauma treatment, loss of moral bearings, low cost counselling exeter, low self worth, mainstream medical views, marginalising, marginalizing, materialism, misogyny, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic, narcissistic obsession with self, negative consequences, negative self worth, negative sense of self worth, not judging people, numbing, objectification, opioid epidemic, oppression, othering, overcoming systemic prejudice, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, pathologising Donald Trump, pathologizing Donald Trump, pathology of Donald Trump, person centred counselling exeter, plank in eye, politics of oppression, power and powerlessness, power as marker of success, predisposition to addiction, projection, PTSD, PTSD and childhood trauma, punishing addicts, rageaholic, research on trauma, resistance to change, resistance to reality, role of trauma, role of trauma in addiction, seeing humanity in others, self awareness, self concept, self differentiation, self image, self-structure, sense of superiority, shadow, social exclusion, social ostracism, societal stigma, society in denial, substance use, survival mechanisms, systemic adjustment, systemic change, systemic reactions, the Haight Ashbury Free Clinic, toxic cultural norms, traumaphobia, traumaphobic, traumatised child, traumatized child, traumatized in childhood, Trump as cultural manifestation, Trump Clinton and Trauma, Trump is Obama’s legacy, understanding others, Universal Experience of Addiction, unresolved trauma, vulnerability, wealth as marker of success, why love matters, why was Trump elected, wilful ignorance, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Lessons in breast feeding & non-racism – Laeaurra Flamehawk

Posted on December 14, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Lessons in breast feeding and a lack of racism go together in my memory. It might seem an odd pairing in an era where wet nurses are rare. But it was once a common sight in the South to see … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, beauty, child development, civil rights, community, cultural questions, diversity, education, encounter, equality, ethics, feminine, growing up, interconnection & belonging, love, non-conforming, parenting, perception, relationship, spirituality, wonder | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, breast feeding, children of mixed marriages, community, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural diversity, diversity, encounter, growing up without racism, in it together, interconnection, interdependence, Laeaurra Flamehawk, low cost counselling exeter, Madonna and Child, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, racism, sacred feminine, sacred mother, shared humanity, sisters under the skin, universal mother, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Screaming to sleep, Part One: The moral imperative to end ‘cry it out’ Amy Wright Glenn

Posted on November 2, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.phillyvoice.com/screaming-sleep/ Click on the link above to visit Philly Voice’s site for this great piece by Amy. If you are a parent, or thinking about being a parent, or if you work with parents, read this… Too many unintentionally traumatised … Continue reading →

Posted in boundaries, child development, cognitive, communication, compassion, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, ethics, family systems, generational trauma, growing up, interconnection & belonging, love, parenting, power and powerlessness, presence, regulation, relationship, sleep, touch, trust, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, Aha Parenting, Amy Wright Glenn, attachment theory, authentic relationship, babies are not manipulative, babies’ needs, baby care, bad habits in babies, basic human needs, biological dyads, biological sync, bonding with your baby, bonds of attachment, brain connectivity, can babies remember, Caroline Fertleman, child care, child development, childhood development, childhood needs, CIO, co sleeping, coercing children, coercive behaviour, conditioning children, conscious parenting, control and compliance, controlled crying, controlling parental behaviour, coping strategies, coping with stress, coping with trauma, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating autonomy, creating independence, cry it out, crying and cortisol levels, crying babies, developing empathy, development of implicit memory, dominating behaviour, doula, Dr Benjamin Spock, early childhood development, Elizabeth Pantley, emotional regulation, emotional self regulation, enforced compliance, enforced submission, evolutionary attachment theory, evolutionary biology, extinction method, family bed, feeding overnight, forced sleep, forming attachments, forming identity, forming secure attachments, generational trauma, Gentle Sleep Book, gentle sleep training, growing empathy, hold your babies, human anthropology, ignoring a baby’s needs, ignoring crying, implicit memory, importance of connection, importance of contact, importance of touch, infant development, innate need, John Bowlby, lack of support for parents, Laura Markham, learning to self settle, leaving a baby to cry, low cost counselling exeter, managing stress, managing trauma, manipulative as term of abuse, meeting needs, mother and baby as conjoined unit, mother baby dyad, neocortex development, neocortex in babies, neocortex in toddlers, new parent, night waking as normal, night waking in babies, No Cry Sleep Solution, normal physiological behaviour in babies, normal sleep patterns for babies, normal sleep patterns in infancy, paediatric sleep, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, parenting boundaries, Peaceful Parent Happy Kids, person centred counselling exeter, presence, pro social behavior, protective mechanisms in infants, regulation of emotional responses, Richard Ferber, Sarah Ockwell Smith, secure attachment bonds, secure dependence, self preservation, self protection, self regulating, self regulating in babies, self regulation, self settle, self soothing, self soothing in babies, sensitive caregiving, settling babies, settling your baby, shaming mothers, shaming parents, Simone Cave, sleep experts, sleep trainers, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problem, stress mechanisms, supporting parents, why love matters, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Helping my daughter become whom she is meant to be

Posted on March 30, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.handinhandparenting.org/2012/06/helping-my-daughter-become-who-she-is-meant-to-be/ Click on the above link to visit http://www.handinhandparenting.org for this gorgeous and profound account of a mother supporting her 3 year old daughter through manifestations of distress, and thereby in dropping down into re-experiencing/processing and releasing birth trauma – with … Continue reading →

Posted in actualizing tendency, anger, birth trauma, child development, communication, core conditions, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, family systems, fear, growing up, guilt, Hand in Hand Parenting, healing, interconnection & belonging, parenting, physical being, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, tears, transformation, trauma | Tagged ADHD, affordable counselling exeter, aggression in children, aggressive behaviour, allowing children to cry, allowing crying, allowing your child to cry, birth trauma, biting in children, bouts of aggression, catharsis, cathartic crying, cathartic response, childhood aggression, conscious parenting, core pain, core upset, core wound, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating safe space, distress in children, effect of birth trauma, embodied pain, embodiment, emotional release, energy body, energy release, expressing fear, facilitating crying, facilitating tears, faddy eating, feeling trapped, guilt and remorse, Hand in Hand Parenting, healing through tears, helping your child with aggression, hitting in children, holding space, hyperactivity, hyperactivity and distress, listening to children, listening to your child, low cost counselling exeter, my child bites, my child hits, need to cry, needing to cry, offering closeness, pain body, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, picky eating, reactivity, releasing fear, Ritalin for children, safe space, staylistening, supporting behaviour change, transformative change, trapped energy, trust in the process, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

‘Trump, Clinton and Trauma’ Gabor Maté

Posted on March 2, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://drgabormate.com/trump-clinton-trauma/ Click on the link above for this perceptive, accurate and topical article from Gabor from last October – before the U.S. presidential result – on trauma markers in our political leaders, and how levels of trauma normalized in our … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, bullying, child development, childhood abuse, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, cultural questions, diagnoses of ADHD, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, growing up, identity, parenting, political, power and powerlessness, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, trauma | Tagged abusive parenting, adapted child, addictive behaviour, ADHD, adult personality, affordable counselling exeter, Art of the Deal, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, authenticity, authoritarian, authoritarian traits, autocratic traits, bullying, child personality, childhood trauma, cold heartedness, compensating patterns, competitive, conditions of worth, conviction of weakness, coping mechanisms, core fear, core pain, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural emotional underdevelopment, denial of trauma, denying reality, developing impulse control, dismissive parent, distorted emotional development, distorted reality, distorting experience, distorting reality, dogmatism, Donald Trump, early trauma, emotional abuse, emotional coldness, emotional development, emotionally cold parent, empathy, eruptions of rage, escaping from pain, false persona, feeling emotion, forming a persona, Gabor Mate, grandiose behaviour, grandiosity, harsh environment, helpless child, inability to concentrate, inability to pay attention, inauthenticity, indicators of trauma, infantile self regard, insulation against reality, John Ibbitson, judgemental parenting, Kevin Dutton, labeling, labelling, lack of nurture, lack of nurturing care, lack of principles, learned behaviour, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, lying as personality trait, manipulation, markers of trauma, mental states, misogyny, mode of survival, mother wound, motor mouth, narcissistic obsession, narcissistic personality disorder, negative self worth, negative sense of self worth, no early memory, no memories of childhood, not paying attention, NPD, obsessive behaviour, opaque persona, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, poor concentration, poor impulse control, poor recall of childhood, psychiatric labelling, psychiatric labels, public self destruction, reality denial, regulating emotions, repressing awareness, repressing experience, repressing memory, repressing pain, revenge on mother, seductiveness, self centered impulsivity, self concept, self destructing, self image, self obsession, self promotion, self protection, self-structure, short attention span, Stephen Harper, suppressing awareness, suppressing experience, suppressing memory, suppressing pain, survival mechanisms, survival modes, Tony Schwartz, traits of psychopathy, trauma defences, trauma indicators, trauma manifestations, trauma markers, tuning out, tuning out as a way of coping with emotional hurt, tuning out as a way of coping with stress, unconscious beliefs, value of competition, verbal abuse, verbal patterns, verbally abusive parent, well nurtured children, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Your baby does NOT need to ‘learn to self-settle’ Jessica Offer

Posted on December 15, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.kidspot.com.au/baby/baby-development/baby-behaviour/your-baby-does-not-need-to-learn-to-self-settle Click on the above link to read this post by Jessica on http://www.kidspot.com.au ‘If you’re questioning the rightness of your desire to pick up your baby when he cries, or lie beside him as he falls to sleep, read … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, autonomy, blaming, boundaries, child development, childhood abuse, civil rights, cognitive, communication, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, encounter, family systems, generational trauma, growing up, guilt, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, organismic experiencing, parenting, perception, person centred, person centred theory, physical being, power, power and powerlessness, pregnancy, presence, relationship, research evidence, resilience, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shaming, sleep, trauma, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, attachment theory, authentic relationship, babies are not manipulative, babies’ needs, bad habits in babies, basic human needs, biological dyads, bonding with your baby, brain connectivity, child development, childhood development, childhood needs, co sleeping, coercing children, coercive behaviour, conditioning children, conscious parenting, control and compliance, controlling parental behaviour, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating autonomy, creating independence, cry it out, crying and cortisol levels, crying babies, dominating behaviour, emotional regulation, emotional self regulation, enforced compliance, enforced submission, evolutionary attachment theory, evolutionary biology, feeding overnight, forming attachments, forming identity, forming secure attachments, generational trauma, Henry & Wang, hold your babies, human anthropology, ignoring a baby’s needs, ignoring crying, importance of connection, importance of contact, importance of touch, infant development, innate need, James McKenna, Jessica Offer, John Bowlby, learning to self settle, low cost counselling exeter, manipulative as term of abuse, meeting needs, mother and baby as conjoined unit, mother baby dyad, neocortex development, neocortex in babies, neocortex in toddlers, new parent, night waking as normal, night waking in babies, normal physiological behaviour in babies, paediatric sleep, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting boundaries, person centred counselling exeter, presence, protective mechanisms in infants, regulation of emotional responses, Sarah Ockwell Smith, secure dependence, self regulation, self settle, self soothing, self soothing in babies, settling babies, settling your baby, shaming mothers, shaming parents, sleep experts, sleep trainers, why love matters, www.kidspot.com.au, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Teacher Chen Miller on connecting with a distressed child

Posted on December 8, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Click on the link to visit Facebook, for this remarkable little film about teacher, Chen Miller. A person-centred way of engaging with distress… Chen is bang on about what works – whatever our age may be. The words in which … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, anger, child development, civil rights, communication, compassion, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, education, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, growing up, healing, identity, objectification, parenting, perception, person centred, person centred theory, political, power and powerlessness, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, teaching, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, transformation, trust, unconditional positive regard, vulnerability | Tagged acceptance, acceptance and change, affirmation, affordable counselling exeter, Chen Miller, conditions of worth, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, difficult behaviour, disconnection, empathy, empowering children, empowering teaching, empowerment, encounter, injured sense of self, inner voice, internalising, internalizing, introjecting, introjection, labelling, low cost counselling exeter, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centered learning, person centred counselling exeter, person centred learning, person-centered, person-centred, personhood, presence, self belief, self concept, self esteem, self perception, self talk, self-structure, sense of identity, sense of self, shaming, Soul Mama, student centered, student centred, unconditional positive regard, UPR, using praise with children, validation, working with aggression, working with difficult behaviour, working with distress, working with special needs, wounded sense of self, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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