Tag Archives: judgement

Guante ‘Ten Responses to the Phrase ‘Man up”

Posted on December 6, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Click on the link above for Guante’s performance of his work on Button Poetry’s Facebook page. Aho. ‘Man up’ belongs in the ‘just don’t say it’ category…. Thanks, Guante, and also to Button Poetry and Angie Buchanan for posting this on Facebook … Continue reading →

Posted in communication, cultural questions, cultural taboos, Disconnection, diversity, emotions, empathy, empowerment, ethics, feminine, Gender & culture, growing up, healing, identity, kindness & compassion, loneliness, love, masculine, non-conforming, objectification, paradigm shift, parenting, perception, political, power and powerlessness, relationship, self, self concept, self esteem, sexual being, sexual orientation, sexual violence, shadow, shame, shaming, vulnerability | Tagged activism, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, antisocial behaviour, approval, authority, autonomy, belittling, belonging, binary, blame, body image, bullying, Button Poetry, challenge, child development, claiming personal power, coercive conformity, coercive culture, community, compassion, competition, conditions of worth for boys, conditions of worth for men, conforming, conformity, confrontation, connectedness, conscious living, consciousness, contempt, controlling behaviour, controlling culture, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, cultural difference, cultural distortion, cultural diversity, culture of coercion, culture of control, culture of shame, cycles of shame, defensive, demonising maleness, demonising masculinity, demonizing maleness, demonizing masculinity, desensitization, destructive behaviour, developmental process, developmental trauma, disapproval, disconnection, discrimination, discrimination against men, displaced expression, distorted developmental process, distortions of masculine power, diversity, division, domination, educating boys, education, emotional awareness, emotional connection, emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence in men, emotions, empathy, empathy in boys, empathy in men, empowerment, essence of the masculine, exclusion, external authority, external locus, fear, gender, gender and culture, gender and emotion, gender bias, gender discrimination, gender prejudice, Guante, humiliation, individuated man, individuation, inner truth, inner voice, internal dialogue, internalised values, internalized values, introjections, judgement, kindness, Kyle Tran Myhre, loneliness, loss, low cost counselling exeter, man up, masculine, masculine energies, masculine intuition, masculine norms, masculine nurture, masculinity, men and emotion, misuse of power, non-conforming, nurture in men, objectification, oppression, oppressor, ostracism, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, parenting, pathologising maleness, pathologising masculinity, pathologizing maleness, pathologizing masculinity, patriarchal behaviour, patriarchal culture, patriarchy, permission, person centred counselling exeter, personal discovery, personal journey, personal power, personal work, personhood, poetry as activism, political, projection, projective identification, projective reality, public shaming, punishment, punishment for not conforming, reclaiming the masculine, relationship, repression, ridicule, sacred feminine, sacred masculine, self concept, self distortion, self sufficiency, self suppression, self-structure, sensitivity, sensitivity as strength, separation, sexual diversity, sexual shaming, sexualisation of the masculine, sexualization of the masculine, shadow, shame, shaming, shaming as bloodsport, shaming men, shaming of maleness, social isolation, social pressure, stigma, stigmatising, stigmatizing, stoicism, subjective experience, suppression, unconscious behaviour, vulnerability, vulnerability as strength, wounded feminine, wounded masculine, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Never Read the Comments – Liz Gilbert

Posted on June 2, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

” This feels personally relevant to the writer, who has her own experience of group attack, including via the internet, and (some) people’s willingness to make sweeping and vicious statements about other human beings they have never met, based on one … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, acceptance, anger, autonomy, blaming, boundaries, bullying, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, conflict, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, empowerment, external locus, internal locus of evaluation, kindness & compassion, objectification, perception, political, power and powerlessness, resilience, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shaming, trauma, violence, vulnerability | Tagged abandoning self, abuse, acknowledgement, acknowledging, actualising, actualizing, affordable counselling exeter, anticipation, anxiety, armouring, authenticity, awfulising, awfulizing, being of service, being seen, belonging, betrayal, blame and shame model, Brené Brown, Buber, Buber I It, bullying, bystander apathy, caring what others think, catastrophising, catastrophizing, civil rights, clarity of values, closing down, closing your heart, communication, comparing self with others, comparison with others, compassion, conditions of worth, connectedness, connection, consent, consent to publication, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, courage, creativity, critics don't count, cruelty, culture of humiliation, cyber-bullying, de-armouring, dealing with criticism, dealing with haters, dealing with uncertainty, disconnection, Elizabeth Gilbert, embarrassment, empathy, ethic of service, ethics, exposure, facing judgement, fear, fear of humiliation, fear of unknown, feedback, freedom of expression, gainsayers, grief, grieving, handling criticism, handling uncertainty, harassment, Human Rights, humiliation, ideal self, innovation, inspiration, interconnectedness, interdependence, internet bullying, judgement, judgemental attitudes, Liz Gilbert, loneliness, loss, love and service, loving presence, low cost counselling exeter, meanness, minority influence, Monica Lewinsky, mortification, objectification, online bullying, online harassment, opening your heart, originality, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, perception, person centred counselling exeter, personal history, personal shifts, presence, public humiliation, public shaming, publication without consent, realness, receiving feedback, recontextualising experience, recontextualizing experience, resilience, scarcity mindset, Self, self abandonment, self armouring, self blame, self concept, self critical, self criticism, self discipline, self doubt, self esteem, self judgement, self protection, self worth, self-structure, service, service of the work, shame, shaming, showing up, shutting down, snapchat, spiritual discipline, staying open, suicide, sweaty creative, TED, the man in the arena, the unknown, Theodore Roosevelt, transformation, trauma, trolling, trust, unkindness, upstander, upstanding, value system, valuing yourself, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Not This – Liz Gilbert

Posted on April 27, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

A helpful post from Liz (‘Eat, Pray, Love’) Gilbert. Many of the people who come to our service have reached the point of ‘Not This’. Those arriving at this realization may have no idea how to extricate themselves from the situation they are … Continue reading →

Posted in actualizing tendency, autonomy, awakening, blaming, boundaries, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, congruence, creativity, Elizabeth Gilbert, embodiment, emotions, empowerment, fear, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, loneliness, loss, organismic experiencing, perception, power and powerlessness, presence, reality, risk, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, surrender, transformation, trust, vulnerability | Tagged acknowledgement, actualising, actualizing, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, autonomy, being seen, being yourself, belonging, blame, change process, community, condemnation, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, courage, creativity, ego battle, Elizabeth Gilbert, epiphany, escape, fear, fear of change, fear of loss, good enough for you, hard reality, illumination, inner compass, inner knowing, inner voice, intuition, judgement, life energy, life force, Liz Gilbert, low cost counselling exeter, mystery, not being yourself, not knowing, not this, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, pretending, realisation, reality, realization, recognition, risk, self realization, shame, surrender, transformation, tribe, trust, vulnerability, wrong job, wrong relationship, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Monica Lewinsky with Jon Ronson

Posted on April 26, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/apr/16/monica-lewinsky-shame-sticks-like-tar-jon-ronson Click on the link above for today’s post – Monica Lewinsky in a recent interview with Jon Ronson in The Guardian, well worth a read. In 2015, we published a link to, and a piece on, Monica’s wonderful TED talk ‘The … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, blaming, bullying, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consent, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, empowerment, ethics, fear, Gender & culture, grief, healing, identity, interconnection & belonging, loneliness, loss, Monica Lewinsky, objectification, perception, political, power and powerlessness, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, sexual being, shadow, shame, shaming, suicide, trauma, trust, violence, vulnerability | Tagged abuse, acquiring a sense of self, affordable counselling exeter, anti-bullying advocacy, anti-bullying emojis, anti-bullying gifs, betrayal, bigotry, blame and shame model, bullying, bystander apathy, Bystander Revolution, bystanding, civil rights, communication, compassion, competing narrative, conditions of worth, consent, core pain, core trauma, core wound, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cruelty, culture of humiliation, cure for shame, cyber-bullying, de-objectifying, dehumanising, dehumanizing, deobjectifying, developing a sense of self, disconnection, effects of shock, embarrassment, empathy, ethics, exclusion, exposure, fear, fear of ostracisation, feminism, grief, harassment, Human Rights, humiliation, identity, integrating trauma, internet bullying, internet shaming, Jon Ronson, judgement, legitimising bullying, legitimizing bullying, Lindsey Stone, loneliness, loss, low cost counselling exeter, Mike Daisey, misogyny, Monica In Black And White, Monica Lewinsky, mortification, mutual relationship, object of hate, objectification, online bullying, online harassment, ostracisation, ostracising, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, perception, person centred counselling exeter, projecting, public humiliation, public shaming, racism, recontextualising experience, recontextualizing experience, resilience, Self, self concept, self esteem, sense of self, shame, Shame and Survival, shaming, shock, shock behaviours, suicide, targeting difference, TED, threat to identity, threatened identity, transformation, trauma, trolling, upstander, upstanding, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Brené Brown on empathy, compassion and boundaries

Posted on March 13, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘Empathy: if you have done your work and set your boundaries, you can tread that water forever and not get tired. Amen’. Yes. Empathy in the sense Brené is exploring does not deplete us, nor does it sit with our … Continue reading →

Posted in blaming, boundaries, Brene Brown, communication, compassion, congruence, consent, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, ethics, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, loneliness, love, organismic experiencing, relationship, risk, shadow, shaming, spirituality, sustainability, trust, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, alienation, aloneness, are you an empath, authenticity, being alongside, belief system, blame, blaming, boundaries, Brené Brown, burn out, communicating love, communication, compassion, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating boundaries, criticism, darkness, disappointment, effective relationship, empathy, empathy and boundaries, generosity, generosity and boundaries, God, integrity, isolation, judgement, loving kindness, low cost counselling exeter, no boundaries, organismic, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, people are doing the best they can, people pleasing, person centred counselling exeter, process work, relationship, resentment, respectfulness, self love, separation, shadow, spirituality, sustainable relationship, teaching empathy, trust, vulnerability, weak boundaries, what is empathy, wholeheartedness, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

‘What happened when I confronted my cruellest troll’ Lindy West

Posted on January 9, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/feb/02/what-happened-confronted-cruellest-troll-lindy-west?CMP=share_btn_tw Interesting piece by Lindy. From where we are looking, online/media bullying is one of the uglier of the many ugly aspects of our current culture. The writer finds shocking and bewildering some people’s willingness to make and express judgements … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, accountability, anger, blaming, bullying, civil rights, communication, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, cultural questions, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, encounter, ethics, forgiveness, grief, guilt, identity, internal locus of evaluation, kindness & compassion, loss, objectification, power and powerlessness, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shaming, vulnerability | Tagged abuse, affordable counselling exeter, bullying, civil rights, communication, compassion, conditions of worth, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cruelty, culture of humiliation, cyber-bullying, disconnection, empathy, ethics, exposure, fear, freedom of expression, grief, harassment, humiliation, internet bullying, judgement, Lindy West, loss, low cost counselling exeter, objectification, online bullying, online harassment, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, perception, person centred counselling exeter, public humiliation, public shaming, resilience, Self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, trauma, trolling, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Deeyah Khan ‘Women Are Part of the Solution to Extremism’

Posted on October 10, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/deeyah-khan/muslim-extremism-women_b_8251832.html?utm_hp_ref=uk&ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000067 Interesting, useful article by Deeyah. The writer (who is a woman) takes a reflective approach to posting pieces with a gendered approach. This is because her own sense is that the underlying issues in our cultures are about human … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', accountability, anger, blaming, bullying, civil rights, communication, compulsive behaviour, conflict, congruence, criminal justice model, cultural questions, Disconnection, diversity, education, empowerment, encounter, equality, ethics, external locus, family systems, fear, feminine, Gender & culture, generational trauma, healing, human condition, identity, interconnection & belonging, masculine, non-conforming, objectification, paradigm shift, person centred, political, power and powerlessness, scapegoating, sexual violence, shaming, teaching, trauma, violence | Tagged activism, activism by Muslim women, affordable counselling exeter, alternate visions, challenging gender roles, coercion, coercive conformity, collaborative working, community, conflict, conforming, connection, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creative politics, depiction of Muslim women, depiction of women, detection of potential extremism, discrimination, distrust, division, divisive, empowering women within the family, empowerment, external locus, extremism, extremist religion, Family, female preachers, feminism, gender discrimination, gender divisions, gender roles, gender segregation, gender violence, generational trauma, handmaidens, human co-operation, human needs, Human Rights, human rights activists, independent sources of income for women, informing on family, injustice social justice, interconnection, interdependence, intergenerational trauma, International Civil Society Network, IRA, Islamic State, jihad brides, judgement, justice, Krista London Couture, Kurdish peshmerga, locus of power, low cost counselling exeter, male aggression, media bias, media depiction of Muslim women, media depiction of women, media distortion, media focus, men as leaders, men as warriors, militant organisations, Moroccan policy on extremism, Moroccan social strategy, Moroccan strategy on extremism, Moroccan women and economic power, Moroccan women and legal power, Morocco’s interpretation of family law, mourchidates, Muslim women activists, Muslim women preachers, non-conforming, non-violent interventions and extremism, oppression, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, passive roles, patriarchal family, patriarchal gender roles, patriarchal politics, peace, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, PKK, pluralist initiatives, pluralist vision, political context for violence, political credibility of women, politics, politics of militarisation, politics of securitisation, preventing extremism, prevention of extremism, prison system in Morocco, protesting, psychological context for violence, rape, reactionary, rise of extremist religion, roles, Sanam Anderlini-Naraghi, sex slaves, sexual violence, social context for violence, social order, social participation, social participation by women, social pressure to inform on others, social pressures, social roots, soft intervention, soft interventions and extremism, softer politics, solution to extremism, state encouragement to inform on family, supporting women, Tamil Tigers, tolerance, totalitarian strategies, transnational initiatives on extremism, transnational initiatives on violence, trust, ultra-conservativism, unifying, victim mindset, violence, violent militants, Western responses to violent extremism, women as passive, women as victims, women as victims of male aggression, women preachers, women's capability, women's empowerment, women's influence, women's rights activists, women’s rights in Morocco, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gabor Maté on Addiction, change & relationship with someone who is addicted

Posted on October 6, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘To live with an addict of any kind is frustrating, emotionally painful and often infuriating. Family, friends and spouse may feel they are dealing with a double personality: one sane and lovable, the other devious and uncaring. They believe the … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, accountability, actualizing tendency, anger, blaming, communication, compulsive behaviour, consent, core conditions, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, emotions, encounter, ethics, family systems, Gabor Mate, guilt, loss, person centred, power and powerlessness, relationship, research evidence, sadness & pain, self concept, shadow, shaming, transformation | Tagged 7 stages, acceptance, accepting others, acknowledging reality, addict, addiction, adult-to-adult relationships, affordable counselling exeter, anger, attempting to change others, autonomous, autonomy, blame, blaming, brain physiology, broken promises, changing others, choice, coercion, confrontation, consent, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, dishonesty, double personality, Edward Deci, emotional withdrawal, family attitudes in addiction, fear, frustration, Gabor Mate, guilt, guilt and resentment, harmful behaviour, hostility, hurtful behaviour, intention, intervention, judgement, leaving an addict, low cost counselling exeter, Maia Szalawitz, manipulating, motivation, motivation and addiction, motivational techniques, not judging, nurture, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, punishing, punishment, rage, Realm of Hungry Ghosts, reforming an addict, rejecting, rejection, relationship with an addict, resenting, resentment, resentment in relationship, responsibility, sabotage in relationship, self abnegation, self concept, self-mastery, self-responsibility, self-sacrifice, self-structure, seven stages, shadow, shame, shaming, soul suicide, taking responsibility for another person's behaviour, tolerating behaviour, tough love, toxic relationship, unconditional acceptance, unreliability, wisdom, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

George Monbiot – Why I ate a roadkill squirrel

Posted on September 30, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/aug/27/why-i-ate-a-roadkill-squirrel ‘….it seems to me that some people have confused what is customary with what is ethical.’ Challenging, thought-provoking piece from George, well worth a read. Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling in Exeter since 1994

Posted in awakening, blaming, compassion, compulsive behaviour, cultural questions, cultural taboos, Disconnection, dying, Eating, ecological, ecological issues, education, emotions, equality, ethics, external locus, fear, George Monbiot, grief, human condition, identity, immanence, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, meaning, mindfulness, natural world, non-conforming, organismic experiencing, paradigm shift, perception, physical being, political, presence, shaming, sustainability, values & principles, wonder | Tagged activism, affordable counselling exeter, ancestors, ancient soul, components of being, conditions of worth, conforming, conservation, consumer society, consumerism, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, crop production, cultural barriers, cultural taboo, cultural values, customs, death, demonising, demonizing, dissonance, doing harm, dying, earth mother, eating game, eating roadkill, eco-diversity, ecological processes, embodied, embodied experience, embodiment, enlightenment, environmental damage, environmental impact, environmental issues, equality, ethical sense, ethics, evolutionary history, external locus, factory farming, fall from grace, fear of unfamiliar, Feral, free range farming, free range production, Gaia, gateway, George Monbiot, grief, habitat loss, harm done, hero, hero’s journey, hunting, idolising, idolizing, inner life, intensity, invisible world, inward life, judgement, judgemental, life as sacred, livestock production, low cost counselling exeter, magic, metaphor, metaphysics, mores, mother earth, mourning, myth, narrative, native forests, native woodland, natural world, non-conforming, organic farming, organic food production, organismic, other world, outer life, overconsumption, overuse of antibiotics, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, perception, perceptual opening, person centred counselling exeter, portal, primitive self, protest, rawness, resistant pathogen, respect, respectfulness for life, roadkill, scapegoat, self concept, sensation, sensory experience, sessile oaks, slaughterhouses, social media, soil erosion, sorrow, squirrel meat, suffering, survival, sustainability, tribe, unfamiliar, veganism, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Reclaiming Sweet Freedom – 23 things that we need not explain justify or defend – Isabel Abbott

Posted on September 22, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/09/reclaiming-sweet-freedom-23-things-that-we-need-not-explain-justify-or-defend/ Just gorgeous. This is written from the woman’s perspective, and the writer wants to expand it to include all of us (with any tweaks required to find the right fit for you). It’s wonderful, profound, poetic and important. Thanks, … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, actualizing tendency, awakening, beauty, blaming, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, congruence, consciousness, core conditions, creativity, cultural questions, dependence, diversity, Eating, Elephant Journal, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, equality, ethics, external locus, fear, feminine, flow, Gender & culture, grief, growth, guilt, healing, human condition, humour, identity, immanence, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, loss, love, meaning, mindfulness, non-conforming, organismic experiencing, paradigm shift, parenting, perception, person centred, physical being, political, power and powerlessness, pregnancy, presence, reality, relationship, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self esteem, sexual being, sexual orientation, shadow, shame, shaming, surrender, transformation, trauma, trust, vulnerability | Tagged absence, accusation, affordable counselling exeter, Aftermath, apologising, apologizing, approval, art, authenticity, autonomy, awakening, becoming, belonging, boundaries, censoring, change, changing your mind, choice, comfort, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conforming, conformity, connection, control, conviction, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, defending yourself, dependency, desire, disappointment, disapproval, discomfort, distortion, divorce, ecstasy, Elephant Journal, embodied being, embodiment, emotional abuse, emotions, ethics, experiential truth, explaining yourself, falling in love, fear, fear of being misunderstood, fear of food, feelings, feminism, freedom, gas lighting, gender, getting needs met, grief, growth, human needs, impulse, inexplicable sadness, inner work, integration, interconnection, interdependence, intimacy, invasive behaviour, Isabel Abbott, joy, judgement, judgment, learning, longing, loss, loss of self, love, loving ourselves, low cost counselling exeter, marriage, mindfulness, misunderstanding, need for reassurance, non-conforming, not knowing, obsession with food, oppression, organismic, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, perception, permission, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal work, personhood, presence, purging poison, rationalising, rationalizing, reality, reassurance, reclaiming self, regret, relationship, restlessness, right to be you, right to exist, sadness, saying no, self acceptance, self care, self defence, self doubt, self expression, self justification, self liberation, self realisation, self realization, sexual being, sexual love, sexuality, shadow, shame, shared narratives, social approval, story, surrender, terror, transformation, trauma, trust, trusting ourselves, truth, uncertainty, verbal abuse, vulnerability, wanting, witnessing, writing, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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