Tag Archives: shaming

Marshall Rosenberg on what peace requires from us

Posted on April 16, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', anger, communication, compassion, conflict, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, fear, interconnection & belonging, Marshall Rosenberg, non-violent communication, perception, power and powerlessness, relationship, shadow, violence, vulnerability | Tagged 'evil', affordable counselling exeter, anger, belief systems, blame, blaming, communication, compassion, conflict, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural questions, cultural values, disconnection, empathy, human condition, human needs, interconnection & belonging, judging, low cost counselling exeter, Marshall Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication, NVC, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, perception, person centred counselling exeter, punishing, punishment, relationship, scapegoating, shaming, social values, unmet needs, violence, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Matt Licata on Ego

Posted on October 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘Ego’ for many of us becomes a term of abuse for self/other and source of shame. Here’s a radically different and far more accurate/useful take on this…. Thanks, Matt. Here’s the text for those who have difficulty seeing Facebook links:- … Continue reading →

Posted in blaming, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, encounter, human condition, identity, kindness & compassion, love, Matt Licata, meaning, meditation, organismic experiencing, perception, presence, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shame, shaming, spirituality, vulnerability | Tagged 'eating disorder', abandoning experience, addictive behavior, addictive behaviour, addictive eating, affordable counselling exeter, anxious avoidant attachment, aroused nervous system, attachment, attachment figures, attuning to experience, avoiding feeling, avoiding pain, avoiding suffering, blaming, claustrophobia, coming home to yourself, compassionate response, compensatory behavior, compensatory behaviour, complaining, compulsive eating, conceptual spirituality, conscious awareness, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, critical thoughts, cycle of abandonment, denying experience, denying feelings, denying pain, denying reality, disembodied, disembodiment, disordered eating, dissociation, doorway into wholeness, ego, ego as process, embodied response, embodied vulnerability, emotional suffering, empathy, escaping vulnerability, existential meaning, experience distant, experiencing ego, experiential, experiential learning, feeling unsafe, Great Mystery, heartbreak, heavy heart, humanness, invitation into presence, kind curiosity, kindness to self, limbic fight flight, longing, low cost counselling exeter, managing anxiety, Matt Licata, meaning of ego, meditative enquiry, moving away from pain, othering, overwhelming anxiety, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, panic, person centred counselling exeter, personal process, presence, process, projective identification, rage, restlessness, returning home, sadness, self abandonment, self aggression, self blaming, self care, self compassion, self empathy, self enquiry, self love, self nurture, self shaming, shame, shaming, spirituality, splitting, vulnerability, warmth, what is ego, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yogic response | Leave a comment

Criticism: Are you willing to take the hit? Toko-pa

Posted on August 21, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Criticism: Are you willing to take the hit? Click on the above link to visit Toko-pa’s site for this helpful reflective piece, on our ability to receive criticism, and distinguish between what has the potential to teach us and what is … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, awakening, boundaries, congruence, consciousness, creativity, cultural questions, empowerment, external locus, fear, gratitude, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, loneliness, loss, meaning, perception, relationship, resilience, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, Toko-pa, values & principles, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, ambiguity, art, articulating yourself, belonging, cheap criticism, constructive criticism, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creative cycle, creativity, creativity and criticism, destructive criticism, external locus, feeling criticised, feeling criticized, feeling shame, finding your voice, giving your gifts, inspiration, internal locus, low cost counselling exeter, meaningful criticism, medicine gifts, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, personal medicine, praise and gratitude, receiving criticism, relationship, resilience, shaming, soul path, soul purpose, the creative, Toko-pa, Tokopa, trusting your intention, uncovering your gifts, uncovering yourself, unique medicine, using criticism, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

‘Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink’ Kristi Coulter

Posted on July 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://qz.com/762868/giving-up-alcohol-opened-my-eyes-to-the-infuriating-truth-about-why-women-drink/ Click on the above link to visit Quartz Media’s site, for Kristi’s great piece about women, alcohol and our culture. This is from a U.S. perspective – and feels just as relevant here. ‘We can’t afford to live lives … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, advertising, anger, autonomy, awakening, boundaries, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, embodiment, equality, external locus, feminine, Gender & culture, gender identity, guilt, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, mindfulness, non-conforming, objectification, organismic experiencing, perception, physical being, political, power and powerlessness, presence, reality, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, trust | Tagged acceptance, accepting the unacceptable, addiction, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, altering natural responses, anger as energy, avoiding change, beer yoga, being a woman, being everything, being ignored, being interrupted, being shamed, being underestimated, being undermined, being who you are, belonging, body consciousness, body image, camouflage, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conditioning, conditions of worth, conforming, conformity, conscious living, consciousness, controlling women’s bodies, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural conditioning, cultural disembodiment, cultural pathology, cultural sickness, cultural trauma, dealing with bigotry, dealing with discrimination, dealing with prejudice, disconnecting, disconnecting from emotion, disconnecting from experiencing, disconnecting from feelings, disconnection, disembodied, displacement behaviour, dissociating, doing everything, drink as signifier, drivers, enjoying, enjoyment, equality, escaping reality, experiencing bigotry, experiencing discrimination, experiencing prejudice, facing reality, fairness, faking it, feminine conditioning, feminine role models, feminism, finding enjoyment, finding well being, First World Problems, First World woman, free time, gender oppression, gender privilege, generating well being, intolerable reality, invisibility, it’s not fair, Jiddu Krishnamurti, judginess, judging others, lack of equality, low cost counselling exeter, mansplaining, maternity leave, Matrix, micro aggressions, mindful savoring, mindful savouring, mindfulness, minimising, minimizing, misogyny, need for a drink, needing a drink, no acceptable way to be a woman, no easy way to be a woman, non conforming, non conformity, not knowing, numbing, numbing natural responses, objectification, objectifying, oppression, organismic, overriding yourself, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, patriarchal attitudes, patriarchal oppression, patriarchy, peer pressure, perfection driver, perfectionism, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, Planned Parenthood, purpose of anger, sacred feminine, scarcity of role models, self acceptance, self care, self hatred, self love, self medicating, self rejection, self soothing, self trust, self-loathing, shame, shaming, shaming women, shrinking from reality, sick culture, sick society, sobriety, softening reality, softening the edges, supporting mothers, supporting women, systemic depletion, systemic exhaustion, telling women to smile, toughness, trusting natural responses, trusting who you are, trusting yourself, trying driver, using anger, Vinyasa & Vino, well-being, wetiko, Wetiko Capitalism, wetiko psychosis, Wetikonomy, women drinking, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

The Loneliness of Donald Trump – Rebecca Solnit

Posted on June 29, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Rebecca Solnit: The Loneliness of Donald Trump Click on the link above to visit http://www.lithub.com for this perceptive and sad piece by Rebecca. ““They were careless people,” F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote of the rich couple at the heart of The Great … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', accountability, boundaries, bullying, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, equality, ethics, identity, interconnection & belonging, loneliness, meaning, metaphor & dream, objectification, person centred, political, power, power and powerlessness, reality, self, self concept, shadow, shame, shaming, trauma | Tagged A New York City Atlas, absolute power, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, alternative facts, always wanting more, American buffoon, awareness, awareness of oneself in relation to others, awareness of others, be careful what you wish for, being closed to others, being mocked, belonging, breaking things, bully of fact, bullying, butt of jokes, calling to account, collective shadow, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, consumer society, consumerism, cooperative relationship, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, covfefe, craving, cultural shadow, democracy of mind and heart, democracy of social discourse, derision, destructive pride, distorted reality, distorted sense of self, Donald Trump, Dorian Gray, echo chamber, ego mind, egomaniacs, enduring challenge, enduring contradiction, equality, equality keeps us honest, everyone is important, existential meaning, expanding awareness, experiencing mockery, experiencing shame, F Scott Fitzgerald, fake university, feeding the beast, feeling worthless, Fisherman's Wife, flattery, fortune’s fool, free press, gaining awareness, grasp exceeding understanding, graven image, hall of mirrors, Hannah Arendt, harming others, hedonism, hubris, hungry ghost, image building, importance of boundaries, importance of consequences, importance of limits, indulgence, inner dialogue, inner ethical compass, insatiable greed, interbeing, internal ethical system, inward ethical system, isolation, it’s not about you, Karma, karmic balance, Krista Tippet, lack of awareness, loneliness, lonely at the top, low cost counselling exeter, Lyndsey Stonebridge, making demands, materialism, meaninglessness, Midas touch, mirroring, moral world, narcissists, need for flattery, nemesis, no concept of otherness, no concept of others, Nonstop Metropolis, objectification, objectifying, Occupy Wall Street, On Being, On the Origins of Totalitarianism, overreach, overreaching, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, peer feedback, person centred counselling exeter, personal shadow, power and glory, power and prominence, power corrupts, powerlessness, powerlessness and inauthenticity, powerlessness and pretence, pretending, privilege, privilege and oblivion, privilege and obliviousness, Pushkin, Rebecca Solnit, reductionism, reflecting mirror, relational responsibility, reputational damage, responsibility to other, retribution, rule of law, self concept, self destruction, self harming, self hatred, self imposed isolation, self protection, self reflection, self-destructive behaviour, self-loathing, self-responsibility, self-structure, sense of self, shadow, shaming, slow suicide, social responsibility, sociopaths, solipsism, subordinating the system of government, suppressing evidence, the banality of evil, The Fisherman and the Golden Fish, The Great Gatsby, The Mother of All Questions, the void, trauma, tyranny, vast carelessness, wanting to have your own way, willingness, worthlessness, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Jordan Peterson on Finding a Voice

Posted on June 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

The writer has a sense that she and Jordan might see some fundamental things differently….and she is pretty much word for word with him on this, although (at least sometimes) she might say it with softer energies these days…. … Continue reading →

Posted in accountability, actualizing tendency, blaming, bullying, civil rights, communication, conditions of worth, congruence, cultural questions, diversity, education, empowerment, ethics, fear, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, meaning, non-conforming, perception, political, power and powerlessness, presence, risk, scapegoating, self concept, self esteem, shaming, trauma, violence, vulnerability | Tagged accountability, actualising, actualizing, affordable counselling exeter, attachment to outcome, authentic expression, authenticity, being articulate, blaming and shaming, bullying, choosing consequences, choosing your consequences, closing down free speech, closing people down, coercive control, collective scapegoating, conditions of worth, congruence, connectedness, connection, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating meaning, degrees of separation, diversity, dynamics of oppression, empowerment, ethics and responsibility, existential meaning, facing the consequences, feeling safe to speak, free speech, group mentality, human networks, interconnection, internal locus, investing in outcome, investment in outcome, Jordan Peterson, living in a bubble, living in a vacuum, living with consequences, logocentricity, longing for truth, low cost counselling exeter, mob mentality, motivation for nihilism, non conforming, not safe to speak, oppressive behaviour, order and chaos, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, personal responsibility, power of speech, power of truth, procrastinating, procrastination, quest for meaning, say what you think, saying what you think, scapegoating, self realisation, self realization, self respect, self-responsibility, shaming, shaming as bloodsport, shaming as control, speaking out, speaking your truth, speech as divine, stand up for your truth, taking risks, tell the truth, upstanding, value of authenticity, value of truth, web of life, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

The thorn in my side – Anne Lamott

Posted on May 9, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.salon.com/2017/04/02/the-thorn-in-my-side-i-tried-to-let-go-of-my-poisonous-grudge-against-another-writer/ Click on the above link to visit http://www.salon.com for this excerpt from April from Anne’s new book ‘Hallelujah Anyway’. Interesting and open piece about resentment, self blame and moving on through…. Here’s the book link:- Palace Gate Counselling … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, anger, Anne Lamott, blaming, compulsive behaviour, conflict, cultural questions, identity, perception, power and powerlessness, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, spirituality, surrender | Tagged addiction, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, Anne Lamott, anxiety, anxiety and blame, authenticity, bearing grudges, being competitive, being heard, being judged, being rejected, Bird by Bird, blaming others, blessed are the meek, bondage of self, call and response, competition ethic, competitive tendencies, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conditioning, conditions of worth, confession, connection, control over chaos, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, detachment, disliking yourself, divine love, ethic of service, experiencing jealousy, experiencing rejection, experiencing the gift, feeling competitive, feeling empty, feeling like a fuckup, feeling mean, feeling remorse, feeling shame, finding humility, finite human nature, fixing yourself, forgiveness, fucking up, grace and mercy, Grace Eventually, grief and confusion, Hallelujah Anyway, hearing someone’s pain, Help Thanks Wow, hiding, Imperfect Birds, jealousy and judgement, jealousy and judgment, judging others, keeping secrets, kindness, low cost counselling exeter, mercifulness, mercy, offering mercy, Operating Instructions, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians, person centred counselling exeter, Plan B, presence, rediscovering mercy, regret, remorse, resist less, resistance, Rosie, Schadenfreude, Scoop Nisker, seeing the gift, self blame, self blaming, self concept, self dislike, self judgement, self judging, self judgment, self-loathing, self-structure, sense of emptiness, sense of humility, sense of identity, sense of self, sense of smallness, shaming, Small Victories, Some Assembly Required, spiritual autobiography, spiritual growth, spirituality, St. Paul’s letters, Stitches, submission and servitude, surrender, thorn in my side, toxic behaviour, toxic qualities, Traveling Mercies, truth out loud, try harder, trying and resistance, unconditional love, willingness, working with envy, working with resentment, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gil Bailie on the Crucifixion & Blame

Posted on April 15, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“The surest way to miss the link between the cure (the crucifixion and its aftereffects) and the disease (the structures of scapegoating violence upon which all human social arrangements have depended) is to read the passion story with an eye … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', accountability, awakening, blaming, bullying, civil rights, community, compassion, conditions of worth, conflict, congruence, core conditions, criminal justice model, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, ethics, external locus, fear, guilt, human condition, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, meaning, objectification, perception, person centred, person centred theory, political, power and powerlessness, presence, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, spirituality, trauma, trust, violence | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, aggression of blame, blame, blame and responsibility, blaming, collective responsibility, collective scapegoating, collective shadow, commitment to self, compassion, conditional love, conditions of worth, connection, contempt of others, core beliefs, core conditions, core wounding, core wounds, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural projection, cultural violence, empathic connection, empathic failure, empathy, encounter, expanding awareness, failure of empathy, finger pointing, Gil Bailie, hopelessness, human limitations, human needs, invalidation, inward enquiry, inwards enquiry, kindness, lack of validation, Lived Experience, loving kindness, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, meaning of evil, meaning of the crucifixion, need to be received, need to be seen, need to be witnessed, not good enough, open heart, own being, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal development, personal responsibility, personal shadow, phenomenological approach, presence, projecting, projecting shadow, projection, relationship, religious violence, sacred violence, scapegoating, self awareness, self blame, self care, self compassion, self concept, self contempt, self enquiry, self esteem, self expression, self judgement, self judgment, self perception, self worth, self-responsibility, self-structure, separation, shame, shaming, spirituality, suppressing need, suppressing self expression, trust, unlived life, unmet need, validation, validation of needs, Violence Unveiled, wholeness, withdrawal, witnessing, worth as a person, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Teacher Chen Miller on connecting with a distressed child

Posted on December 8, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Click on the link to visit Facebook, for this remarkable little film about teacher, Chen Miller. A person-centred way of engaging with distress… Chen is bang on about what works – whatever our age may be. The words in which … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, anger, child development, civil rights, communication, compassion, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, education, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, growing up, healing, identity, objectification, parenting, perception, person centred, person centred theory, political, power and powerlessness, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, teaching, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, transformation, trust, unconditional positive regard, vulnerability | Tagged acceptance, acceptance and change, affirmation, affordable counselling exeter, Chen Miller, conditions of worth, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, difficult behaviour, disconnection, empathy, empowering children, empowering teaching, empowerment, encounter, injured sense of self, inner voice, internalising, internalizing, introjecting, introjection, labelling, low cost counselling exeter, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centered learning, person centred counselling exeter, person centred learning, person-centered, person-centred, personhood, presence, self belief, self concept, self esteem, self perception, self talk, self-structure, sense of identity, sense of self, shaming, Soul Mama, student centered, student centred, unconditional positive regard, UPR, using praise with children, validation, working with aggression, working with difficult behaviour, working with distress, working with special needs, wounded sense of self, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Guante ‘Ten Responses to the Phrase ‘Man up”

Posted on December 6, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Click on the link above for Guante’s performance of his work on Button Poetry’s Facebook page. Aho. ‘Man up’ belongs in the ‘just don’t say it’ category…. Thanks, Guante, and also to Button Poetry and Angie Buchanan for posting this on Facebook … Continue reading →

Posted in communication, cultural questions, cultural taboos, Disconnection, diversity, emotions, empathy, empowerment, ethics, feminine, Gender & culture, growing up, healing, identity, kindness & compassion, loneliness, love, masculine, non-conforming, objectification, paradigm shift, parenting, perception, political, power and powerlessness, relationship, self, self concept, self esteem, sexual being, sexual orientation, sexual violence, shadow, shame, shaming, vulnerability | Tagged activism, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, antisocial behaviour, approval, authority, autonomy, belittling, belonging, binary, blame, body image, bullying, Button Poetry, challenge, child development, claiming personal power, coercive conformity, coercive culture, community, compassion, competition, conditions of worth for boys, conditions of worth for men, conforming, conformity, confrontation, connectedness, conscious living, consciousness, contempt, controlling behaviour, controlling culture, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, cultural difference, cultural distortion, cultural diversity, culture of coercion, culture of control, culture of shame, cycles of shame, defensive, demonising maleness, demonising masculinity, demonizing maleness, demonizing masculinity, desensitization, destructive behaviour, developmental process, developmental trauma, disapproval, disconnection, discrimination, discrimination against men, displaced expression, distorted developmental process, distortions of masculine power, diversity, division, domination, educating boys, education, emotional awareness, emotional connection, emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence in men, emotions, empathy, empathy in boys, empathy in men, empowerment, essence of the masculine, exclusion, external authority, external locus, fear, gender, gender and culture, gender and emotion, gender bias, gender discrimination, gender prejudice, Guante, humiliation, individuated man, individuation, inner truth, inner voice, internal dialogue, internalised values, internalized values, introjections, judgement, kindness, Kyle Tran Myhre, loneliness, loss, low cost counselling exeter, man up, masculine, masculine energies, masculine intuition, masculine norms, masculine nurture, masculinity, men and emotion, misuse of power, non-conforming, nurture in men, objectification, oppression, oppressor, ostracism, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, parenting, pathologising maleness, pathologising masculinity, pathologizing maleness, pathologizing masculinity, patriarchal behaviour, patriarchal culture, patriarchy, permission, person centred counselling exeter, personal discovery, personal journey, personal power, personal work, personhood, poetry as activism, political, projection, projective identification, projective reality, public shaming, punishment, punishment for not conforming, reclaiming the masculine, relationship, repression, ridicule, sacred feminine, sacred masculine, self concept, self distortion, self sufficiency, self suppression, self-structure, sensitivity, sensitivity as strength, separation, sexual diversity, sexual shaming, sexualisation of the masculine, sexualization of the masculine, shadow, shame, shaming, shaming as bloodsport, shaming men, shaming of maleness, social isolation, social pressure, stigma, stigmatising, stigmatizing, stoicism, subjective experience, suppression, unconscious behaviour, vulnerability, vulnerability as strength, wounded feminine, wounded masculine, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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