Category Archives: blaming

Reasons not to use ‘timeouts’ or ‘naughty steps’

Posted on August 21, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Useful short film, explaining how ‘timeout’ or the ‘naughty step’ harm your relationship with your child and damage their ability to connect helpfully with their feelings and with you. Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling in Exeter since 1994

Posted in anger, blaming, boundaries, child development, communication, compassion, cultural questions, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, family systems, growing up, interconnection & belonging, parenting, relationship, sadness & pain, self concept, shame, shaming, teaching, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, building relationship, conscious parenting, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating boundaries, emotional awareness, emotional intelligence, low cost counselling exeter, models of connection, models of disconnection, models of intimacy, models of separation, naughty step, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, time-outs, timeouts, why time outs harm your child, why time outs harm your relationship with your child, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Ursula Le Guin on the unhelpfulness of ideas about ‘deserving’

Posted on May 5, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', blaming, conditions of worth, cultural questions, ethics, good, guilt, human condition, perception, shaming, Ursula Le Guin | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, concepts of fair, conditions of worth, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural ideas of deserving, dispossessed, earning and deserving, fairness, fault and blame, human worth, intrinsic human worth, low cost counselling exeter, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, punishment and reward, Ursula Le Guin, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Linda Graham on Forgiveness

Posted on February 23, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“Forgiveness does not mean condoning, pardoning, forgetting, false reconciliation, appeasement, or sentimentality. It is a practice, daily and lifelong, of cultivating our own inner peace and wisdom that allows us to see that our pain is part of the pain … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, accountability, anger, blaming, boundaries, ethics, forgiveness, growth, healing, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, perception, power and powerlessness, sadness & pain, trust, values & principles | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, appeasement, condoning, coping with betrayal, coping with injustice, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, dealing with betrayal, dealing with injustice, ethical awareness, ethical compass, false reconciliation, forgetting, forgiveness, Linda Graham, low cost counselling exeter, moral compass, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, pardoning, person centred counselling exeter, practice of ethics, practising compassion, practising forgiveness, sentimentality, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Dr. Gabor Maté on Donald Trump, Traumaphobia & Compassion – John Lavitt

Posted on January 4, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://www.thefix.com/dr-gabor-mate-donald-trump-traumaphobia-and-compassion-interview ‘…a few days ago, I met a young woman who was an emergency room physician in Detroit, and she had graduated from medical school in Michigan. Although I knew the answer, I asked her how many lectures she had … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, acceptance, accountability, blaming, bullying, child development, childhood abuse, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, criminal justice model, cultural questions, cultural taboos, dependence, Disconnection, empathy, encounter, ethics, external locus, family systems, fear, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, healing, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, meaning, objectification, paradigm shift, perception, political, power, power and powerlessness, psychiatry, research evidence, resilience, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, trauma, vulnerability | Tagged ACE, adaptive compensations, addict, addiction, addiction and trauma, addiction as choice, addiction as inherited brain disease, addiction as moral failing, addiction to profit, addiction treatment, addictive behaviors, addictive behaviours, addictive patterns, adult personality, affordable counselling exeter, being let down, belief systems, BEYOND DRUGS, brain as social organ, bullying, changing public perception, child development, child’s interaction with environment, childhood adversity, childhood circumstances and addiction, childhood trauma, combat veterans, compassion, compassionate treatment of addiction, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, connection with others, core fear, core pain, core threats, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, criminalising behaviour, criminalizing behaviour, cultural dysfunction, cultural hypocrisy, cultural oppression, demeaning, denial of climate change, denying dysfunctions, direction of healing, disappointed idealism, disappointed optimism, disillusionment, domineering personality, Donald Trump, Dr David E Smith, Dr Murthy, drug use, drugs and trauma, dysfunctional behavior, dysfunctional behaviour, dysfunctionality, dysfunctionality of addicted cerebrum, ego defence mechanism, ego defense mechanism, emotional environment, emotional environment and child development, emotional trauma, empathic resonance, empathy, escape from suffering, expanding self awareness, external locus, family systems, focus on capitalist growth, forced treatment, functionality, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, grandiosity, happiness index, helping people, humanity, idealistic hopes, in denial, inherited trauma, John Lavitt, judgment stigma and fear, lack of care, lack of nurture, lack of trauma services, lack of trauma treatment, loss of moral bearings, low cost counselling exeter, low self worth, mainstream medical views, marginalising, marginalizing, materialism, misogyny, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic, narcissistic obsession with self, negative consequences, negative self worth, negative sense of self worth, not judging people, numbing, objectification, opioid epidemic, oppression, othering, overcoming systemic prejudice, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, pathologising Donald Trump, pathologizing Donald Trump, pathology of Donald Trump, person centred counselling exeter, plank in eye, politics of oppression, power and powerlessness, power as marker of success, predisposition to addiction, projection, PTSD, PTSD and childhood trauma, punishing addicts, rageaholic, research on trauma, resistance to change, resistance to reality, role of trauma, role of trauma in addiction, seeing humanity in others, self awareness, self concept, self differentiation, self image, self-structure, sense of superiority, shadow, social exclusion, social ostracism, societal stigma, society in denial, substance use, survival mechanisms, systemic adjustment, systemic change, systemic reactions, the Haight Ashbury Free Clinic, toxic cultural norms, traumaphobia, traumaphobic, traumatised child, traumatized child, traumatized in childhood, Trump as cultural manifestation, Trump Clinton and Trauma, Trump is Obama’s legacy, understanding others, Universal Experience of Addiction, unresolved trauma, vulnerability, wealth as marker of success, why love matters, why was Trump elected, wilful ignorance, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

I am not your fault – Charlotte Eriksson

Posted on December 21, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“So I am not a broken heart. I am not the weight I lost or miles or ran and I am not the way I slept on my doorstep under the bare sky in smell of tears and whiskey because … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, awakening, blaming, compulsive behaviour, consciousness, cultural questions, embodiment, empowerment, grief, growth, healing, internal locus of evaluation, loss, love, meaning, mindfulness, organismic experiencing, perception, physical being, power and powerlessness, presence, self, self concept, surrender, trust, vulnerability | Tagged acceptance, actualising, actualizing, affordable counselling exeter, awakening, broken heart, Charlotte Eriksson, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, empowering, empowerment, fault and blame, grief, healing, internal locus, loss and grief, low cost counselling exeter, nature of forgiveness, not your fault, organismic, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, powerlessness, presence, recovery, running away, sacredness, Self, self concept, unfolding, unmet need, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Marshall Rosenberg on criticism of self/other

Posted on November 1, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, “‘What will they think of me?’ must be put aside for bliss.” … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, blaming, compassion, core conditions, cultural questions, empathy, Joseph Campbell, Marshall Rosenberg, non-violent communication, objectification, perception, relationship, unconditional positive regard | Tagged acceptance, affordable counselling exeter, blame model, blaming, bliss, compassion, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, dehumanising, dehumanizing, derogatory, empathy, ethic of service, expressions of trauma, fault and blame, Joseph Campbell, judging others, low cost counselling exeter, Marshall Rosenberg, opportunities to give, othering, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, punitive, self judgement, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Rachel Naomi Remen on Silence

Posted on October 13, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, blaming, core conditions, empathy, encounter, healing, kindness & compassion, love, meaning, presence, Rachel Naomi Remen, relationship, resilience | Tagged acceptance, accepting presence, accepting silence, affordable counselling exeter, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, encounter, finding rest, healing silence, learning to rest, longing for silence, low cost counselling exeter, offering refuge, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, presence, Rachel Naomi Remen, shared silence, silence and healing, silence and rest, silent presence, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Matt Licata on Ego

Posted on October 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘Ego’ for many of us becomes a term of abuse for self/other and source of shame. Here’s a radically different and far more accurate/useful take on this…. Thanks, Matt. Here’s the text for those who have difficulty seeing Facebook links:- … Continue reading →

Posted in blaming, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, encounter, human condition, identity, kindness & compassion, love, Matt Licata, meaning, meditation, organismic experiencing, perception, presence, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shame, shaming, spirituality, vulnerability | Tagged 'eating disorder', abandoning experience, addictive behavior, addictive behaviour, addictive eating, affordable counselling exeter, anxious avoidant attachment, aroused nervous system, attachment, attachment figures, attuning to experience, avoiding feeling, avoiding pain, avoiding suffering, blaming, claustrophobia, coming home to yourself, compassionate response, compensatory behavior, compensatory behaviour, complaining, compulsive eating, conceptual spirituality, conscious awareness, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, critical thoughts, cycle of abandonment, denying experience, denying feelings, denying pain, denying reality, disembodied, disembodiment, disordered eating, dissociation, doorway into wholeness, ego, ego as process, embodied response, embodied vulnerability, emotional suffering, empathy, escaping vulnerability, existential meaning, experience distant, experiencing ego, experiential, experiential learning, feeling unsafe, Great Mystery, heartbreak, heavy heart, humanness, invitation into presence, kind curiosity, kindness to self, limbic fight flight, longing, low cost counselling exeter, managing anxiety, Matt Licata, meaning of ego, meditative enquiry, moving away from pain, othering, overwhelming anxiety, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, panic, person centred counselling exeter, personal process, presence, process, projective identification, rage, restlessness, returning home, sadness, self abandonment, self aggression, self blaming, self care, self compassion, self empathy, self enquiry, self love, self nurture, self shaming, shame, shaming, spirituality, splitting, vulnerability, warmth, what is ego, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yogic response | Leave a comment

Spinning Straw – Tracy Cochran

Posted on September 12, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://parabola.org/2017/07/30/spinning-straw-by-tracy-cochran/?utm_content=buffer9bcb5&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer Click on the link above to visit the site for Parabola Magazine for this remarkable reworking of the Brothers Grimm. It is not long since we published a piece by Tracy – but the writer stumbled upon this at … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, acceptance, accountability, autonomy, beauty, blaming, boundaries, bullying, cognitive, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, consent, core conditions, creativity, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, fear, feminine, good, gratitude, grief, growth, guilt, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, loneliness, loss, love, meaning, metaphor & dream, objectification, perception, power, power and powerlessness, relationship, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shadow, surrender, Tracy Cochran, transformation, vulnerability | Tagged abandonment, abuse of power, acceptance by the tribe, affordable counselling exeter, aliveness, aloneness, ancestors, armouring, Arthur Rackham, asking the impossible, autonomy, autonomy and acceptance, autonomy and belonging, bargaining, being in the shadows, being invisible, being left, being more, being unable to hold boundaries, betrayal, betraying love, betraying truth, betraying what you love, bitterness, boundaries, Brothers Grimm, causing harm, compassion, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, craving life, cut off from life, dare to be straw, deepest humanity, desecrated, desperation, diminishing ourselves, disconnection, divided, doing more, doing the math, ego mind, embodiment, empathy, emptiness, empty life, entitlement, everyone is special, everything is sacred, everything is special, evolutionary biology, existential emptiness, existential meaning, fairy tales, fear as a driver, fear of death, fear of loss, fear reaction, feeding people, feeling connected, feeling invisible, finding a place, finding balance, finding your reflection in another, folklore, fully alive, good enough, Great Mystery, guilt, having a place, having choice, heartfulness, here and now, holding yourself apart from love, holy work, how to live, humility, identity, inner smallness, internal division, invading boundaries, isolating behaviour, joy of connecting, joy of connection, keeping yourself alone, keeping yourself separate, knowing another, knowing each other, lacking choice, learning how to live, life is more precious than gold, listening without judgment, little rattle stilt, living experience, living fully, locating yourself, losing yourself, loss and grief, low cost counselling exeter, meeting needs indirectly, meeting needs obliquely, metamorphosis, metaphor, mind limitation, mind trap, mirror of another, mirror of love, mortality, myth, nameless, needing others, newborn, no such thing as magic, no-one is special, non possessive love, not good enough, not knowing yourself, not special, nothing is sacred, nothing is special, objectification, objectifying, ordinary and sacred, othering, otherworldly, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, power and powerlessness, power over, present moment, privilege, promises and betrayal, pure love, rage, reflection of love, relationship as transaction, remembering ourselves, resilience, responding and reacting, Rumplestiltskin, sacred love, sacredness, science and magic, science not magic, self acceptance, self armouring, self awareness, self betrayal, self concept, self denigration, self enclosed, self enclosure, self hate, self isolation, self knowledge, self limitation, self love, self rejection, self-structure, sense of sacred, shadow, small self, speaking unwisely, speaking wildly, spinning straw, spinning straw into gold, splitting, story-telling, stuckness, submissiveness, submitting, surrender, survival and acceptance, survival and belonging, telling tales, the first mother, The Heart of Oak Books, the wheel turned, the witness, Tracy Cochran, transformation, transience, trapped in your head, trying to explain, trying to save ourselves, trying to save yourself, turning wheel, unbounded love, unconditional love, using others, value of being alive, value of life, wanting approval, wanting closeness, wanting connection, wanting to be acceptable, wanting to be close, wanting to be known, wanting to be seen, wanting to belong, wanting to feel important, wanting to matter, wanting to please, web of life, what keeps us from love, wholesome work, without consent, without judgment, witnessing consciousness, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Jordan Peterson on Finding a Voice

Posted on June 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

The writer has a sense that she and Jordan might see some fundamental things differently….and she is pretty much word for word with him on this, although (at least sometimes) she might say it with softer energies these days…. … Continue reading →

Posted in accountability, actualizing tendency, blaming, bullying, civil rights, communication, conditions of worth, congruence, cultural questions, diversity, education, empowerment, ethics, fear, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, meaning, non-conforming, perception, political, power and powerlessness, presence, risk, scapegoating, self concept, self esteem, shaming, trauma, violence, vulnerability | Tagged accountability, actualising, actualizing, affordable counselling exeter, attachment to outcome, authentic expression, authenticity, being articulate, blaming and shaming, bullying, choosing consequences, choosing your consequences, closing down free speech, closing people down, coercive control, collective scapegoating, conditions of worth, congruence, connectedness, connection, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating meaning, degrees of separation, diversity, dynamics of oppression, empowerment, ethics and responsibility, existential meaning, facing the consequences, feeling safe to speak, free speech, group mentality, human networks, interconnection, internal locus, investing in outcome, investment in outcome, Jordan Peterson, living in a bubble, living in a vacuum, living with consequences, logocentricity, longing for truth, low cost counselling exeter, mob mentality, motivation for nihilism, non conforming, not safe to speak, oppressive behaviour, order and chaos, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, personal responsibility, power of speech, power of truth, procrastinating, procrastination, quest for meaning, say what you think, saying what you think, scapegoating, self realisation, self realization, self respect, self-responsibility, shaming, shaming as bloodsport, shaming as control, speaking out, speaking your truth, speech as divine, stand up for your truth, taking risks, tell the truth, upstanding, value of authenticity, value of truth, web of life, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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