Tag Archives: blame

Marshall Rosenberg on what peace requires from us

Posted on April 16, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', anger, communication, compassion, conflict, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, fear, interconnection & belonging, Marshall Rosenberg, non-violent communication, perception, power and powerlessness, relationship, shadow, violence, vulnerability | Tagged 'evil', affordable counselling exeter, anger, belief systems, blame, blaming, communication, compassion, conflict, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural questions, cultural values, disconnection, empathy, human condition, human needs, interconnection & belonging, judging, low cost counselling exeter, Marshall Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication, NVC, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, perception, person centred counselling exeter, punishing, punishment, relationship, scapegoating, shaming, social values, unmet needs, violence, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gil Bailie on the Crucifixion & Blame

Posted on April 15, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“The surest way to miss the link between the cure (the crucifixion and its aftereffects) and the disease (the structures of scapegoating violence upon which all human social arrangements have depended) is to read the passion story with an eye … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', accountability, awakening, blaming, bullying, civil rights, community, compassion, conditions of worth, conflict, congruence, core conditions, criminal justice model, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, ethics, external locus, fear, guilt, human condition, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, meaning, objectification, perception, person centred, person centred theory, political, power and powerlessness, presence, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, spirituality, trauma, trust, violence | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, aggression of blame, blame, blame and responsibility, blaming, collective responsibility, collective scapegoating, collective shadow, commitment to self, compassion, conditional love, conditions of worth, connection, contempt of others, core beliefs, core conditions, core wounding, core wounds, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural projection, cultural violence, empathic connection, empathic failure, empathy, encounter, expanding awareness, failure of empathy, finger pointing, Gil Bailie, hopelessness, human limitations, human needs, invalidation, inward enquiry, inwards enquiry, kindness, lack of validation, Lived Experience, loving kindness, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, meaning of evil, meaning of the crucifixion, need to be received, need to be seen, need to be witnessed, not good enough, open heart, own being, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal development, personal responsibility, personal shadow, phenomenological approach, presence, projecting, projecting shadow, projection, relationship, religious violence, sacred violence, scapegoating, self awareness, self blame, self care, self compassion, self concept, self contempt, self enquiry, self esteem, self expression, self judgement, self judgment, self perception, self worth, self-responsibility, self-structure, separation, shame, shaming, spirituality, suppressing need, suppressing self expression, trust, unlived life, unmet need, validation, validation of needs, Violence Unveiled, wholeness, withdrawal, witnessing, worth as a person, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Guante ‘Ten Responses to the Phrase ‘Man up”

Posted on December 6, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Click on the link above for Guante’s performance of his work on Button Poetry’s Facebook page. Aho. ‘Man up’ belongs in the ‘just don’t say it’ category…. Thanks, Guante, and also to Button Poetry and Angie Buchanan for posting this on Facebook … Continue reading →

Posted in communication, cultural questions, cultural taboos, Disconnection, diversity, emotions, empathy, empowerment, ethics, feminine, Gender & culture, growing up, healing, identity, kindness & compassion, loneliness, love, masculine, non-conforming, objectification, paradigm shift, parenting, perception, political, power and powerlessness, relationship, self, self concept, self esteem, sexual being, sexual orientation, sexual violence, shadow, shame, shaming, vulnerability | Tagged activism, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, antisocial behaviour, approval, authority, autonomy, belittling, belonging, binary, blame, body image, bullying, Button Poetry, challenge, child development, claiming personal power, coercive conformity, coercive culture, community, compassion, competition, conditions of worth for boys, conditions of worth for men, conforming, conformity, confrontation, connectedness, conscious living, consciousness, contempt, controlling behaviour, controlling culture, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, cultural difference, cultural distortion, cultural diversity, culture of coercion, culture of control, culture of shame, cycles of shame, defensive, demonising maleness, demonising masculinity, demonizing maleness, demonizing masculinity, desensitization, destructive behaviour, developmental process, developmental trauma, disapproval, disconnection, discrimination, discrimination against men, displaced expression, distorted developmental process, distortions of masculine power, diversity, division, domination, educating boys, education, emotional awareness, emotional connection, emotional intelligence, emotional intelligence in men, emotions, empathy, empathy in boys, empathy in men, empowerment, essence of the masculine, exclusion, external authority, external locus, fear, gender, gender and culture, gender and emotion, gender bias, gender discrimination, gender prejudice, Guante, humiliation, individuated man, individuation, inner truth, inner voice, internal dialogue, internalised values, internalized values, introjections, judgement, kindness, Kyle Tran Myhre, loneliness, loss, low cost counselling exeter, man up, masculine, masculine energies, masculine intuition, masculine norms, masculine nurture, masculinity, men and emotion, misuse of power, non-conforming, nurture in men, objectification, oppression, oppressor, ostracism, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, parenting, pathologising maleness, pathologising masculinity, pathologizing maleness, pathologizing masculinity, patriarchal behaviour, patriarchal culture, patriarchy, permission, person centred counselling exeter, personal discovery, personal journey, personal power, personal work, personhood, poetry as activism, political, projection, projective identification, projective reality, public shaming, punishment, punishment for not conforming, reclaiming the masculine, relationship, repression, ridicule, sacred feminine, sacred masculine, self concept, self distortion, self sufficiency, self suppression, self-structure, sensitivity, sensitivity as strength, separation, sexual diversity, sexual shaming, sexualisation of the masculine, sexualization of the masculine, shadow, shame, shaming, shaming as bloodsport, shaming men, shaming of maleness, social isolation, social pressure, stigma, stigmatising, stigmatizing, stoicism, subjective experience, suppression, unconscious behaviour, vulnerability, vulnerability as strength, wounded feminine, wounded masculine, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Not This – Liz Gilbert

Posted on April 27, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

A helpful post from Liz (‘Eat, Pray, Love’) Gilbert. Many of the people who come to our service have reached the point of ‘Not This’. Those arriving at this realization may have no idea how to extricate themselves from the situation they are … Continue reading →

Posted in actualizing tendency, autonomy, awakening, blaming, boundaries, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, congruence, creativity, Elizabeth Gilbert, embodiment, emotions, empowerment, fear, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, loneliness, loss, organismic experiencing, perception, power and powerlessness, presence, reality, risk, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, surrender, transformation, trust, vulnerability | Tagged acknowledgement, actualising, actualizing, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, autonomy, being seen, being yourself, belonging, blame, change process, community, condemnation, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, courage, creativity, ego battle, Elizabeth Gilbert, epiphany, escape, fear, fear of change, fear of loss, good enough for you, hard reality, illumination, inner compass, inner knowing, inner voice, intuition, judgement, life energy, life force, Liz Gilbert, low cost counselling exeter, mystery, not being yourself, not knowing, not this, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, pretending, realisation, reality, realization, recognition, risk, self realization, shame, surrender, transformation, tribe, trust, vulnerability, wrong job, wrong relationship, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Pema Chödrön on Blaming

Posted on March 19, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us and … Continue reading →

Posted in accountability, blaming, Brene Brown, communication, conditions of worth, cultural questions, Disconnection, ethics, external locus, objectification, Pema Chödrön, perception, political, scapegoating, self concept, shadow, shame, shaming, vulnerability | Tagged accountability, affordable counselling exeter, aggression, armouring, blame, blame and accountability, blame and responsibility, blaming, Brené Brown, Brené Brown on blame, bullying, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, de-armouring, dearmouring, disconnection, empathy, external locus, growth, healing, internal locus, low cost counselling exeter, oppression, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, Pema Chödrön, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personhood, relationship, responsibility, RSA Shorts, scapegoating, self protection, shame, shaming, therapeutic process, truth and reconciliation, UPR, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Brené Brown on empathy, compassion and boundaries

Posted on March 13, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘Empathy: if you have done your work and set your boundaries, you can tread that water forever and not get tired. Amen’. Yes. Empathy in the sense Brené is exploring does not deplete us, nor does it sit with our … Continue reading →

Posted in blaming, boundaries, Brene Brown, communication, compassion, congruence, consent, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, ethics, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, loneliness, love, organismic experiencing, relationship, risk, shadow, shaming, spirituality, sustainability, trust, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, alienation, aloneness, are you an empath, authenticity, being alongside, belief system, blame, blaming, boundaries, Brené Brown, burn out, communicating love, communication, compassion, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating boundaries, criticism, darkness, disappointment, effective relationship, empathy, empathy and boundaries, generosity, generosity and boundaries, God, integrity, isolation, judgement, loving kindness, low cost counselling exeter, no boundaries, organismic, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, people are doing the best they can, people pleasing, person centred counselling exeter, process work, relationship, resentment, respectfulness, self love, separation, shadow, spirituality, sustainable relationship, teaching empathy, trust, vulnerability, weak boundaries, what is empathy, wholeheartedness, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Matt Licata on not allowing ‘spirituality’ to shame our needs

Posted on January 20, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

This is so important. The blame and shame model is always toxic, whether the more traditional style, or clad in New Age robes. We all feel, and we all need – it’s integral to the human experience. The helpful response is … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, actualizing tendency, awakening, blaming, bullying, compassion, conditions of worth, consciousness, core conditions, cultural questions, dependence, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, growth, human condition, immanence, kindness & compassion, love, Matt Licata, presence, reality, relationship, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, spirituality, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, touch, vulnerability | Tagged affection, affordable counselling exeter, aggression, aggression of blame, attachment, attunement, being met, being seen, beloved, blame, blaming, caregivers, commitment to self, compassion, completeness, conditional love, conditions of worth, connection, contact, core beliefs, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, dependence, despair, disappointment, Elizabeth Gadd Photography, embodied experience, empathic connection, empathic failure, empathy, encounter, energy, enlightenment, expressing needs, failure of empathy, faith, family of origin, getting needs met in relationship, growth, having needs, hopelessness, human limitations, human needs, invalidation, kindness, lack of validation, Lizzy Gadd, longing, loving kindness, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, low vibration, manifestation, manifesting, Matt Licata, misunderstanding, need for affection, need for contact, need for love, need for touch, need to be heard, need to be received, need to be seen, need to be witnessed, neediness, New Age, new age fundamentalism, no self, not good enough, open heart, own being, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, personal growth, presence, relational animal, relational mammal, relationship, risk, self blame, self care, self compassion, self concept, self esteem, self expression, self judgement, self judgment, self perception, self worth, self-responsibility, self-structure, separation, shame, shaming, spiritual aggression, spiritual growth, spirituality, suppressing need, suppressing self expression, transcendence, trust, unlived life, unmet need, validation, validation of needs, wholeness, withdrawal, witnessing, worth as a person, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yearning | Leave a comment

How to prepare emotionally for the death of a difficult parent – Jeff Brown

Posted on November 11, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://soulshaping.com/soulshaping/difficult-parent/ Helpful piece, thanks Jeff. Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling Exeter since 1994

Posted in abuse, acceptance, actualizing tendency, awakening, blaming, body psychotherapy, bodywork, child development, childhood abuse, communication, conditions of worth, conflict, consciousness, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, dying, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, external locus, family systems, fear, forgiveness, generational trauma, grief, growing up, guilt, healing, human condition, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, Jeff Brown, kindness & compassion, loss, love, parenting, perception, person centred, presence, reality, relationship, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, surrender, transformation, trauma, trust, vulnerability | Tagged absence, acceptance, acknowledgement, actualising, actualizing, affordable counselling exeter, An Uncommon Bond, ancestors, ancestral pain, ancestral shame, Apologies to the Divine Feminine, Ascending, authenticity, awakened consciousness, awakening, awakening consciousness, bereavement, blame, blaming, body centered psychotherapy, body psychotherapy, bodywork, carrying it forward, child rearing, child self, childhood beliefs, collective consciousness, collective heart, completion, complex grief, conditioning, conditions of worth, confusion, connectedness, connection, context, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, death of mother, death of parent, developmental stages, dialogue, difficult relationships, disappointment, distorted perception, duty, dying mother, dying parent, embodiment, emotional absence, emotional armour, emotional baggage, emotional debris, emotional paralysis, emotional risk, emotional safety, emotional threat, empowerment, encounter, familial ancestors, familial relationship, family relationship, fantasy, forgiveness, forgiving, gender, generational healing, generational pain, generational trauma, grief, grief process, grief therapy, grieving, grieving difficult relationships, guilt, healing, healing conflict, healing rifts, healthy connection, heartbreak, human condition, human development, human limitations, imprints, incomplete, individuating, individuation, inner narrative, interconnection, interdependence, internalised guilt, internalized guilt, introjections, Jeff Brown, Karmageddon, karmic ancestors, kindness, learning to value ourselves, letting go, life experiences, loss, loss of mother, loss of parent, Love it Forward, loving parenting, loving relationship, low cost counselling exeter, metamorphosis, mystification, narrative, need for fantasy, obligation, overcoming, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, perception, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal beliefs, personal transformation, presence, process work, protective mother, psychotherapy, reality, realness, recognition, reflection work, reflective work, rejection, relational dynamics, relationship, relationship therapy, religious perspective, repressed emotions, resolution, safety, self abuse, self blame, self concept, self distraction, self esteem, self love, self protection, self validation, self worth, self-structure, separation, shame, shame and abuse, shame game, shaming, Soulshaping, Spiritual Graffiti, stagnation, surrender, survivalist conditioning, sustainable transformation, talk therapy, talking therapy, tenderness, therapeutic process, therapeutic work, therapy, things unsaid, threat response, toxic parenting, toxic relationship, transformation, unactualized dreams, unconsciousness, unexpressed anger, unhealed grief, unresolved experiences, unresolved memories, validation, validation from others, vigilance, vulnerability, wanting attention, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gabrielle Roth, 1941-2012: Disciple of the Deep Dark Divine – Eliezer Sobel

Posted on October 25, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-99th-monkey/201310/gabrielle-roth-1941-2012-disciple-the-deep-dark-divine ‘You didn’t really think this was about dancing, did you?’ This is the follow up to yesterday’s short film showing 5 Rhythms dance, a wonderful article by Eliezer about Gabrielle Roth, the movement’s founder. There is a lot in … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, actualizing tendency, anger, awakening, beauty, communication, compassion, conditions of worth, congruence, consciousness, core conditions, creativity, cultural questions, Dance, Disconnection, dying, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, fear, flow, friendship, Gabrielle Roth, genius, good, grief, growth, healing, human condition, humour, identity, immanence, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, kindness & compassion, love, meaning, meditation, metaphor & dream, mindfulness, movement meditation, music, natural world, non-conforming, organismic experiencing, perception, person centred, physical being, presence, reality, relationship, sadness & pain, self, self concept, sexual being, shadow, shame, spirituality, surrender, teaching, tears, therapeutic growth, transformation, trust, unconditional positive regard, vulnerability | Tagged 5 Rhythms, 5 Rhythms practice, 5 Rhythms wave, acceptance, adolescence, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, aliveness, anger, archetypes, Arica, authenticity, automatic behaviours, awareness, behavioural patterns, being, blame, body memory, breath work, catharsis, chaos, collaborative working, communication, community, compassion, conditioned behaviours, conditioning, configuration of self, connectedness, connection, connection to nature, connection to others, connection to self, conscious dance, consciousness, control, core essence, core teachings, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, courage, creativity, dance, death cycle, death process, disconnection, divinity, dogma, drama therapy, ecstatic dance, ego, ego characters, ego dramas, elation, Eliezer Sobel, embodied spirituality, embodiment, emotional landscape, emptiness, encounter, Enneagram, entropy, Esalen, essential being, exposure, false self, fear, flow, fragmentation, freedom, fundamental energies, Gabrielle Roth, God, grief, growth, habit, healing, heart and soul, hiding, Holy Actor, human potential, immediacy, inertia, inner world, interconnection, interdependence, intimacy, Jonathan Horan, joy, Kabir, language, language of dance, liberation, love, low cost counselling exeter, Lucia Rose Horan, Lyrical, Maps to Ecstasy, masking, maturity, medicine wheel, meditation, meditative practice, melancholy, memory, mental chatter, metaphors, mindfulness, Mirrors, movement as medicine, movement as prayer, movement as therapy, movement meditation, movement practice, moving meditation, mutuality, mystery, New Age, non directive, non judgemental, One Consciousness, orende, organismic, originality, Oscar Ichazo, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, perception, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal narrative, personal story, personality, personality patterns, personality typing, presence, private self, prizing, psyche, puberty, recognition, recovering memory, relationship, restriction, risk, Robert Ansell, sacred space, safe relationship, safety, safety in relationship, self concept, self discipline, self exposure, self expression, self presentation, self protection, self-consciousness, social formalities, social persona, sorrow, soul, spirit, spiritual discipline, spiritual path, spiritual practice, spiritual teachers, spiritual truth, spirituality, Staccato, still center, still centre, stillness, surrender, thought patterns, transformation, trickster spirit, true seeing, true self, trust, truth, unconditional love, unconditional positive regard, unconditionality, unified field, UPR, urban shaman, vigil, visceral experience, vital life force, vulnerability, wild woman, wildness, witnessing, wounded heart, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gabor Maté on Addiction, change & relationship with someone who is addicted

Posted on October 6, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘To live with an addict of any kind is frustrating, emotionally painful and often infuriating. Family, friends and spouse may feel they are dealing with a double personality: one sane and lovable, the other devious and uncaring. They believe the … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, accountability, actualizing tendency, anger, blaming, communication, compulsive behaviour, consent, core conditions, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, emotions, encounter, ethics, family systems, Gabor Mate, guilt, loss, person centred, power and powerlessness, relationship, research evidence, sadness & pain, self concept, shadow, shaming, transformation | Tagged 7 stages, acceptance, accepting others, acknowledging reality, addict, addiction, adult-to-adult relationships, affordable counselling exeter, anger, attempting to change others, autonomous, autonomy, blame, blaming, brain physiology, broken promises, changing others, choice, coercion, confrontation, consent, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, dishonesty, double personality, Edward Deci, emotional withdrawal, family attitudes in addiction, fear, frustration, Gabor Mate, guilt, guilt and resentment, harmful behaviour, hostility, hurtful behaviour, intention, intervention, judgement, leaving an addict, low cost counselling exeter, Maia Szalawitz, manipulating, motivation, motivation and addiction, motivational techniques, not judging, nurture, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, punishing, punishment, rage, Realm of Hungry Ghosts, reforming an addict, rejecting, rejection, relationship with an addict, resenting, resentment, resentment in relationship, responsibility, sabotage in relationship, self abnegation, self concept, self-mastery, self-responsibility, self-sacrifice, self-structure, seven stages, shadow, shame, shaming, soul suicide, taking responsibility for another person's behaviour, tolerating behaviour, tough love, toxic relationship, unconditional acceptance, unreliability, wisdom, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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