Tag Archives: validation

Gil Bailie on the Crucifixion & Blame

Posted on April 15, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“The surest way to miss the link between the cure (the crucifixion and its aftereffects) and the disease (the structures of scapegoating violence upon which all human social arrangements have depended) is to read the passion story with an eye … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', accountability, awakening, blaming, bullying, civil rights, community, compassion, conditions of worth, conflict, congruence, core conditions, criminal justice model, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, ethics, external locus, fear, guilt, human condition, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, meaning, objectification, perception, person centred, person centred theory, political, power and powerlessness, presence, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, spirituality, trauma, trust, violence | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, aggression of blame, blame, blame and responsibility, blaming, collective responsibility, collective scapegoating, collective shadow, commitment to self, compassion, conditional love, conditions of worth, connection, contempt of others, core beliefs, core conditions, core wounding, core wounds, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural projection, cultural violence, empathic connection, empathic failure, empathy, encounter, expanding awareness, failure of empathy, finger pointing, Gil Bailie, hopelessness, human limitations, human needs, invalidation, inward enquiry, inwards enquiry, kindness, lack of validation, Lived Experience, loving kindness, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, meaning of evil, meaning of the crucifixion, need to be received, need to be seen, need to be witnessed, not good enough, open heart, own being, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal development, personal responsibility, personal shadow, phenomenological approach, presence, projecting, projecting shadow, projection, relationship, religious violence, sacred violence, scapegoating, self awareness, self blame, self care, self compassion, self concept, self contempt, self enquiry, self esteem, self expression, self judgement, self judgment, self perception, self worth, self-responsibility, self-structure, separation, shame, shaming, spirituality, suppressing need, suppressing self expression, trust, unlived life, unmet need, validation, validation of needs, Violence Unveiled, wholeness, withdrawal, witnessing, worth as a person, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Teacher Chen Miller on connecting with a distressed child

Posted on December 8, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Click on the link to visit Facebook, for this remarkable little film about teacher, Chen Miller. A person-centred way of engaging with distress… Chen is bang on about what works – whatever our age may be. The words in which … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, anger, child development, civil rights, communication, compassion, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, education, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, growing up, healing, identity, objectification, parenting, perception, person centred, person centred theory, political, power and powerlessness, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, teaching, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, transformation, trust, unconditional positive regard, vulnerability | Tagged acceptance, acceptance and change, affirmation, affordable counselling exeter, Chen Miller, conditions of worth, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, difficult behaviour, disconnection, empathy, empowering children, empowering teaching, empowerment, encounter, injured sense of self, inner voice, internalising, internalizing, introjecting, introjection, labelling, low cost counselling exeter, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centered learning, person centred counselling exeter, person centred learning, person-centered, person-centred, personhood, presence, self belief, self concept, self esteem, self perception, self talk, self-structure, sense of identity, sense of self, shaming, Soul Mama, student centered, student centred, unconditional positive regard, UPR, using praise with children, validation, working with aggression, working with difficult behaviour, working with distress, working with special needs, wounded sense of self, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Matt Licata on being received as we are

Posted on April 20, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

The writer loved the Sigmund Freud quote…. Resonates with how we see therapy at this service, and the person-centred approach. Being received with love, just as we are right now, is such a powerful healing agent….. It seems a tragedy – when Sigmund Freud could … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, actualizing tendency, awakening, communication, compassion, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, fear, grief, growth, healing, human condition, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, Jung, kindness & compassion, love, Matt Licata, perception, person centred, presence, relationship, risk, sadness & pain, self, shadow, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, transformation, trust, unconditional positive regard, vulnerability, working with clients | Tagged acceptance, affordable counselling exeter, attunement, awareness, being met, being seen, beloved, compassion, completeness, confusion, connection, contact, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, cure through love, despair, embodied experience, empathic connection, empathy, encounter, energy, enlightenment, expressing needs, field of permission, flatness, Freud, grief, growth, having needs, healing, healing through love, heart opening, hopelessness, human needs, inner world, Jung, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, Matt Licata, need to be heard, need to be received, need to be seen, need to be witnessed, nervous systems down regulation, open heart, own being, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, pathologising, pathologising distress, pathologizing, pathologizing distress, person centred counselling exeter, personal growth, presence, psychoanalysis, relational beings, relational matrix, relationship, resolution, responding to anxiety, responding to grief, responding to sadness, risk, secret language, self expression, self perception, softening, somatic, space in relationship, space in therapy, spirituality, suffering, therapeutic relationship, transformation, trust, unmet need, validation, validation of needs, validity of experience, wholeness, witnessing, wounds of the heart, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Jason Hine on presence, and the over-use of force

Posted on April 2, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Useful thoughts from Jason. We think this is an issue for all of us, not only those self-defining as men. We all contain a balance of energies, and we participate in cultures which devalue or under-value body awareness, ‘beingness’ and … Continue reading →

Posted in awakening, bodywork, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, ethics, fear, Gender & culture, identity, interconnection & belonging, Jason Hine, kindness & compassion, masculine, meaning, mindfulness, organismic experiencing, paradigm shift, perception, physical being, presence, self, self concept, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, aliveness, beingness, belonging, body awareness, community, compassion, connection, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, disconnection, disembodiment, divine masculinity, embodiment, ethic of service, excess Yang energies, existential meaning, feel valued, feeling joy, force, identifying with accomplishments, identifying with achievements, identifying with performance, identity, individuating, individuation, low cost counselling exeter, masculinity, overthinking, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, presence, remembering yourself, responding to stress, responding to threat, sacred masculine, spontaneity, stress response, Tai Chi, tenderness, threat, threat response, use of force, validation, vital aliveness, vital life, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yang, Yin Yang imbalance | Leave a comment

Belonging: Be the Longing – Toko-pa

Posted on March 28, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Click on the link at the end of this piece for Toko-pa’s wonderful post. ‘The ache to belong in friendship and community can be so pervasive that it colours everything we do.‘ The writer stumbled across these words yesterday, and … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, actualizing tendency, beauty, consciousness, core conditions, creativity, cultural questions, Disconnection, fear, friendship, grief, identity, immanence, interconnection & belonging, John O'Donohue, kindness & compassion, loneliness, loss, love, meaning, non-conforming, perception, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, self, spirituality, surrender, Toko-pa, transformation, trust, vulnerability | Tagged absence, ache to belong, actualising and belonging, actualizing and belonging, adrift, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, ambiguity, ancestors, Be The Longing, beauty, being seen, belonging, calling homeward, caretaking, certainty, community, compliance, conforming, consciousness, context, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, diminishing ourselves, disconnection, dreamspeak, enlarging our lives, ethic of service, existential meaning, expansion, fear, finding our tribe, fitting in, fog of modernity, Francis Weller, friendship, gathering, generosity, giving, grief, heart's longing, humility, hungry ghosts, individuating and belonging, individuation, interconnectedness, interconnection, isolation, John O'Donohue, joining established groups, joining groups, kindness, Llama Surya Das, loneliness, longing, longing for community, low cost counselling exeter, Max Ginsburg, meaningful life, need for tribe, need to belong, non conformity, non-conforming, offering, orphan, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradox, person centred counselling exeter, presence, recognition, resilience, responsibility, ritual, Soul Activist, spiritual practice, spirituality, stewardship, suppressing own being, suppressing self, the responsible one, Toko-pa, tribe, unmet longing, validation, vulnerability, wanting to belong, What about me?, wisdom, writing, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yearning to belong | Leave a comment

Matt Licata on not allowing ‘spirituality’ to shame our needs

Posted on January 20, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

This is so important. The blame and shame model is always toxic, whether the more traditional style, or clad in New Age robes. We all feel, and we all need – it’s integral to the human experience. The helpful response is … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, actualizing tendency, awakening, blaming, bullying, compassion, conditions of worth, consciousness, core conditions, cultural questions, dependence, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, growth, human condition, immanence, kindness & compassion, love, Matt Licata, presence, reality, relationship, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, spirituality, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, touch, vulnerability | Tagged affection, affordable counselling exeter, aggression, aggression of blame, attachment, attunement, being met, being seen, beloved, blame, blaming, caregivers, commitment to self, compassion, completeness, conditional love, conditions of worth, connection, contact, core beliefs, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, dependence, despair, disappointment, Elizabeth Gadd Photography, embodied experience, empathic connection, empathic failure, empathy, encounter, energy, enlightenment, expressing needs, failure of empathy, faith, family of origin, getting needs met in relationship, growth, having needs, hopelessness, human limitations, human needs, invalidation, kindness, lack of validation, Lizzy Gadd, longing, loving kindness, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, low vibration, manifestation, manifesting, Matt Licata, misunderstanding, need for affection, need for contact, need for love, need for touch, need to be heard, need to be received, need to be seen, need to be witnessed, neediness, New Age, new age fundamentalism, no self, not good enough, open heart, own being, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, personal growth, presence, relational animal, relational mammal, relationship, risk, self blame, self care, self compassion, self concept, self esteem, self expression, self judgement, self judgment, self perception, self worth, self-responsibility, self-structure, separation, shame, shaming, spiritual aggression, spiritual growth, spirituality, suppressing need, suppressing self expression, transcendence, trust, unlived life, unmet need, validation, validation of needs, wholeness, withdrawal, witnessing, worth as a person, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yearning | Leave a comment

What to do when you’re not the hero any more – Laurie Penny

Posted on January 4, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.newstatesman.com/culture/film/2015/12/what-do-when-youre-not-hero-any-more Good article from Laurie Penny, about the shifting sands of contemporary cultural heroism in fiction. The writer (like one of the commentators on the article) thinks Laurie is a touch unfair to Joseph Campbell, and that his work is more balanced, … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', anger, awakening, civil rights, communication, conditions of worth, conflict, consciousness, creativity, cultural questions, cultural taboos, diversity, education, empathy, empowerment, equality, ethics, external locus, fear, feminine, Gender & culture, good, growth, identity, internal locus of evaluation, Joseph Campbell, Laurie Penny, loneliness, masculine, meaning, metaphor & dream, non-conforming, objectification, paradigm shift, perception, political, power and powerlessness, reality, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shadow, therapeutic growth, transformation | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, anger, anti hero, archetypes, available archetypes, Black Hermione, capitalism, challenge, change, changing the world, collective mythology, collective mythos, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creative industry, creativity, cultural dominance, cultural imagination, cultural oppression, cultural outsiders, cultural values, darkness. fables, defence of privilege, despair, discrimination, dismissal, diversity, diversity in storytelling, Dr Who, empathic resonance, empowerment, equality, exclusion, experience reflected, faces of fiction, fairytale, female Ghostbusters, feminism, frame of reference, Gamergate, good and evil, Harry Potter, hero, hero archetypes, hero journey, hero’s journey, heroism, How To Get Away With Murder, Hugo Awards, human story, identification, identifying, imagination, J K Rowling, Jessica Jones, Joseph Campbell, journey, Kimmy Schmidt, Laurie Penny, learning, legend, loneliness, lonely children, low cost counselling exeter, Mad Max, magic, mainstream cultural mythology, mainstream cultural values, mainstream culture, men will believe any story they're hero of, mirroring, mirroring experience, modern mythology, monomyth, multiplicity, myth, mythological diversity, narrative, Orange Is The New Black, organising myths, outlier, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, patriarchal, patriarchy, perception, person centred counselling exeter, perspective, political, power, power of story, prejudice, privilege, quest, racism, rage, re-storying, rejection, religion, restorying, rewriting, River Song, role models, saving the world, self concept, self perception, self righteousness, self-structure, sexism, shadow, shifting paradigm, social justice, social paradigm, social values, Star Wars, Steven Universe, storytelling, striving, suspending disbelief, suspension of disbelief, teaching, transfiguration, transformation, transmission of cultural values, Transparent, validation, validation of experience, warrior, warrior archetype, Welcome To Night Vale, white supremacy, women in film, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yearning | Leave a comment

David Whyte on Giving

Posted on December 19, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

A seasonal meditation from David… Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling in Exeter since 1994

Posted in communication, core conditions, creativity, cultural questions, David Whyte, dependence, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, friendship, gratitude, growth, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, meaning, meditation, mindfulness, perception, photographs & pictures, presence, relationship, risk, self esteem, trust, vulnerability | Tagged acknowledgement, acknowledging others, act of courage, affordable counselling exeter, aliveness, altruism, art of giving, being seen, belonging, bonding, boundaries, communal well being, community, connectedness, connection, Consolations, contemplation, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, David Whyte, dependence, empathy, empowerment, existential meaning, frames of reference, generosity, genius of gift giving, gifting, gifts, giving in relationship, gratitude, heartbreak, human needs, imagination, inspiration, interconnection, interdependence, learning to give, low cost counselling exeter, maturation process, meditation, mindfulness, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, receiving, relationship, relationship to others, relationship to self, relationship to time, self esteem, self worth, self-discovery, selflessness, silent contemplation, Solace Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words, spontaneity, test of character, trust, understanding another, validation, valuing others, well-being, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

How to prepare emotionally for the death of a difficult parent – Jeff Brown

Posted on November 11, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://soulshaping.com/soulshaping/difficult-parent/ Helpful piece, thanks Jeff. Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling Exeter since 1994

Posted in abuse, acceptance, actualizing tendency, awakening, blaming, body psychotherapy, bodywork, child development, childhood abuse, communication, conditions of worth, conflict, consciousness, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, dying, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, external locus, family systems, fear, forgiveness, generational trauma, grief, growing up, guilt, healing, human condition, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, Jeff Brown, kindness & compassion, loss, love, parenting, perception, person centred, presence, reality, relationship, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, surrender, transformation, trauma, trust, vulnerability | Tagged absence, acceptance, acknowledgement, actualising, actualizing, affordable counselling exeter, An Uncommon Bond, ancestors, ancestral pain, ancestral shame, Apologies to the Divine Feminine, Ascending, authenticity, awakened consciousness, awakening, awakening consciousness, bereavement, blame, blaming, body centered psychotherapy, body psychotherapy, bodywork, carrying it forward, child rearing, child self, childhood beliefs, collective consciousness, collective heart, completion, complex grief, conditioning, conditions of worth, confusion, connectedness, connection, context, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, death of mother, death of parent, developmental stages, dialogue, difficult relationships, disappointment, distorted perception, duty, dying mother, dying parent, embodiment, emotional absence, emotional armour, emotional baggage, emotional debris, emotional paralysis, emotional risk, emotional safety, emotional threat, empowerment, encounter, familial ancestors, familial relationship, family relationship, fantasy, forgiveness, forgiving, gender, generational healing, generational pain, generational trauma, grief, grief process, grief therapy, grieving, grieving difficult relationships, guilt, healing, healing conflict, healing rifts, healthy connection, heartbreak, human condition, human development, human limitations, imprints, incomplete, individuating, individuation, inner narrative, interconnection, interdependence, internalised guilt, internalized guilt, introjections, Jeff Brown, Karmageddon, karmic ancestors, kindness, learning to value ourselves, letting go, life experiences, loss, loss of mother, loss of parent, Love it Forward, loving parenting, loving relationship, low cost counselling exeter, metamorphosis, mystification, narrative, need for fantasy, obligation, overcoming, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, perception, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal beliefs, personal transformation, presence, process work, protective mother, psychotherapy, reality, realness, recognition, reflection work, reflective work, rejection, relational dynamics, relationship, relationship therapy, religious perspective, repressed emotions, resolution, safety, self abuse, self blame, self concept, self distraction, self esteem, self love, self protection, self validation, self worth, self-structure, separation, shame, shame and abuse, shame game, shaming, Soulshaping, Spiritual Graffiti, stagnation, surrender, survivalist conditioning, sustainable transformation, talk therapy, talking therapy, tenderness, therapeutic process, therapeutic work, therapy, things unsaid, threat response, toxic parenting, toxic relationship, transformation, unactualized dreams, unconsciousness, unexpressed anger, unhealed grief, unresolved experiences, unresolved memories, validation, validation from others, vigilance, vulnerability, wanting attention, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Person-Centred Basics – Janet Tolan on Listening to the whole person

Posted on September 19, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

This is is the first of an occasional series we are launching, refreshing some basics of person-centred theory. We are beginning with Janet Tolan, on the importance of affording the core conditions to self-structure. ‘Listening to the whole person One … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, actualizing tendency, clients' perspective, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, empathy, Janet Tolan, love, meaning, non-directive counselling, organismic experiencing, person centred, person centred theory, self, self concept, self esteem, supervision, tears, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, unconditional positive regard, vulnerability, working with clients | Tagged abuse, acceptance, actualising, actualizing, affordable counselling exeter, anorexia, awareness, barriers in counselling, barriers in psychotherapy, barriers in therapy, conditions of worth, conforming, counselling exeter, counselling supervision, counsellor Exeter, counsellor judgements, counsellors Exeter, cultural context, cultural values, disapprobation, distress, embarrassment, empathic listening, expanding awareness, expression of feelings, holistic, integrating meaning, integration, Janet Tolan, low cost counselling exeter, organismic, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, PCA, perceived threat, person centered approach, person centered theory, person centred counselling exeter, person-centred approach, person-centred theory, psychological release, self concept, self concept distortion, self concept structures, self esteem, self structure distortion, self worth, self-structure, Skills in Person-centred Counselling, social values, stuckness in counselling, stuckness in psychotherapy, stuckness in therapy, symbolisation, symbolization, tears in therapy, therapeutic process, true expression, unconditional positive regard, UPR, validating personal meaning, validation, whole person, working with clients, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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