Tag Archives: self soothing

Screaming to sleep, Part One: The moral imperative to end ‘cry it out’ Amy Wright Glenn

Posted on November 2, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.phillyvoice.com/screaming-sleep/ Click on the link above to visit Philly Voice’s site for this great piece by Amy. If you are a parent, or thinking about being a parent, or if you work with parents, read this… Too many unintentionally traumatised … Continue reading →

Posted in boundaries, child development, cognitive, communication, compassion, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, ethics, family systems, generational trauma, growing up, interconnection & belonging, love, parenting, power and powerlessness, presence, regulation, relationship, sleep, touch, trust, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, Aha Parenting, Amy Wright Glenn, attachment theory, authentic relationship, babies are not manipulative, babies’ needs, baby care, bad habits in babies, basic human needs, biological dyads, biological sync, bonding with your baby, bonds of attachment, brain connectivity, can babies remember, Caroline Fertleman, child care, child development, childhood development, childhood needs, CIO, co sleeping, coercing children, coercive behaviour, conditioning children, conscious parenting, control and compliance, controlled crying, controlling parental behaviour, coping strategies, coping with stress, coping with trauma, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating autonomy, creating independence, cry it out, crying and cortisol levels, crying babies, developing empathy, development of implicit memory, dominating behaviour, doula, Dr Benjamin Spock, early childhood development, Elizabeth Pantley, emotional regulation, emotional self regulation, enforced compliance, enforced submission, evolutionary attachment theory, evolutionary biology, extinction method, family bed, feeding overnight, forced sleep, forming attachments, forming identity, forming secure attachments, generational trauma, Gentle Sleep Book, gentle sleep training, growing empathy, hold your babies, human anthropology, ignoring a baby’s needs, ignoring crying, implicit memory, importance of connection, importance of contact, importance of touch, infant development, innate need, John Bowlby, lack of support for parents, Laura Markham, learning to self settle, leaving a baby to cry, low cost counselling exeter, managing stress, managing trauma, manipulative as term of abuse, meeting needs, mother and baby as conjoined unit, mother baby dyad, neocortex development, neocortex in babies, neocortex in toddlers, new parent, night waking as normal, night waking in babies, No Cry Sleep Solution, normal physiological behaviour in babies, normal sleep patterns for babies, normal sleep patterns in infancy, paediatric sleep, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, parenting boundaries, Peaceful Parent Happy Kids, person centred counselling exeter, presence, pro social behavior, protective mechanisms in infants, regulation of emotional responses, Richard Ferber, Sarah Ockwell Smith, secure attachment bonds, secure dependence, self preservation, self protection, self regulating, self regulating in babies, self regulation, self settle, self soothing, self soothing in babies, sensitive caregiving, settling babies, settling your baby, shaming mothers, shaming parents, Simone Cave, sleep experts, sleep trainers, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problem, stress mechanisms, supporting parents, why love matters, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

‘Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink’ Kristi Coulter

Posted on July 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink Click on the above link to visit Quartz Media’s site, for Kristi’s great piece about women, alcohol and our culture. This is from a U.S. perspective … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, advertising, anger, autonomy, awakening, boundaries, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, embodiment, equality, external locus, feminine, Gender & culture, gender identity, guilt, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, mindfulness, non-conforming, objectification, organismic experiencing, perception, physical being, political, power and powerlessness, presence, reality, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, trust | Tagged acceptance, accepting the unacceptable, addiction, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, altering natural responses, anger as energy, avoiding change, beer yoga, being a woman, being everything, being ignored, being interrupted, being shamed, being underestimated, being undermined, being who you are, belonging, body consciousness, body image, camouflage, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conditioning, conditions of worth, conforming, conformity, conscious living, consciousness, controlling women’s bodies, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural conditioning, cultural disembodiment, cultural pathology, cultural sickness, cultural trauma, dealing with bigotry, dealing with discrimination, dealing with prejudice, disconnecting, disconnecting from emotion, disconnecting from experiencing, disconnecting from feelings, disconnection, disembodied, displacement behaviour, dissociating, doing everything, drink as signifier, drivers, enjoying, enjoyment, equality, escaping reality, experiencing bigotry, experiencing discrimination, experiencing prejudice, facing reality, fairness, faking it, feminine conditioning, feminine role models, feminism, finding enjoyment, finding well being, First World Problems, First World woman, free time, gender oppression, gender privilege, generating well being, intolerable reality, invisibility, it’s not fair, Jiddu Krishnamurti, judginess, judging others, lack of equality, low cost counselling exeter, mansplaining, maternity leave, Matrix, micro aggressions, mindful savoring, mindful savouring, mindfulness, minimising, minimizing, misogyny, need for a drink, needing a drink, no acceptable way to be a woman, no easy way to be a woman, non conforming, non conformity, not knowing, numbing, numbing natural responses, objectification, objectifying, oppression, organismic, overriding yourself, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, patriarchal attitudes, patriarchal oppression, patriarchy, peer pressure, perfection driver, perfectionism, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, Planned Parenthood, purpose of anger, sacred feminine, scarcity of role models, self acceptance, self care, self hatred, self love, self medicating, self rejection, self soothing, self trust, self-loathing, shame, shaming, shaming women, shrinking from reality, sick culture, sick society, sobriety, softening reality, softening the edges, supporting mothers, supporting women, systemic depletion, systemic exhaustion, telling women to smile, toughness, trusting natural responses, trusting who you are, trusting yourself, trying driver, using anger, Vinyasa & Vino, well-being, wetiko, Wetiko Capitalism, wetiko psychosis, Wetikonomy, women drinking, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Your baby does NOT need to ‘learn to self-settle’ Jessica Offer

Posted on December 15, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.kidspot.com.au/baby/baby-development/baby-behaviour/your-baby-does-not-need-to-learn-to-self-settle Click on the above link to read this post by Jessica on http://www.kidspot.com.au ‘If you’re questioning the rightness of your desire to pick up your baby when he cries, or lie beside him as he falls to sleep, read … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, autonomy, blaming, boundaries, child development, childhood abuse, civil rights, cognitive, communication, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, encounter, family systems, generational trauma, growing up, guilt, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, organismic experiencing, parenting, perception, person centred, person centred theory, physical being, power, power and powerlessness, pregnancy, presence, relationship, research evidence, resilience, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shaming, sleep, trauma, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, attachment theory, authentic relationship, babies are not manipulative, babies’ needs, bad habits in babies, basic human needs, biological dyads, bonding with your baby, brain connectivity, child development, childhood development, childhood needs, co sleeping, coercing children, coercive behaviour, conditioning children, conscious parenting, control and compliance, controlling parental behaviour, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating autonomy, creating independence, cry it out, crying and cortisol levels, crying babies, dominating behaviour, emotional regulation, emotional self regulation, enforced compliance, enforced submission, evolutionary attachment theory, evolutionary biology, feeding overnight, forming attachments, forming identity, forming secure attachments, generational trauma, Henry & Wang, hold your babies, human anthropology, ignoring a baby’s needs, ignoring crying, importance of connection, importance of contact, importance of touch, infant development, innate need, James McKenna, Jessica Offer, John Bowlby, learning to self settle, low cost counselling exeter, manipulative as term of abuse, meeting needs, mother and baby as conjoined unit, mother baby dyad, neocortex development, neocortex in babies, neocortex in toddlers, new parent, night waking as normal, night waking in babies, normal physiological behaviour in babies, paediatric sleep, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting boundaries, person centred counselling exeter, presence, protective mechanisms in infants, regulation of emotional responses, Sarah Ockwell Smith, secure dependence, self regulation, self settle, self soothing, self soothing in babies, settling babies, settling your baby, shaming mothers, shaming parents, sleep experts, sleep trainers, why love matters, www.kidspot.com.au, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Pema Chödrön: What to Do When You Lose It Completely

Posted on July 21, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Just under 3 minutes of gold from Pema. What she suggests is a pause, a directing of the attention inwards, rather than into an/another explosion outwards of resentment or aggression. The purpose is an opening and a softening, to self … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', anger, blaming, compassion, conflict, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, forgiveness, guilt, kindness & compassion, love, mindfulness, objectification, Pema Chödrön, perception, presence, resilience, self, self concept, shadow, shame, shaming, surrender, violence, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, aggression, anger management, armouring, binary, compassion, conditions of worth, conflict, conflict resolution, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, de-armoring, de-armouring, dearmoring, dearmouring, disconnecting, embodiment, emotional chain reaction, escalating conflict, escalating rage, feeling your feelings, fire energy, going off on others, guilt, heat of anger, losing it, low cost counselling exeter, managing rage, manifesting reality, meeting fear, meltdown, objectifying, othering, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, Pema Chödrön, person centered conflict resolution, person centred counselling exeter, polarisation, polarization, rage, reactivity, reconnecting, relational connection, remorse, repressing emotion, repressing feeling, resentment, responding, responding not reacting, responding to fear, self acceptance, self calming, self compassion, self concept, self criticism, self denigration, self enquiry, self soothing, shadow, Shambhala, shame, shaming, tenderness, unconditional love, violence, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gabor Maté on what becomes of the desolate child

Posted on November 4, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘Paul Gillespie still can’t get used to the sounds of crying and pain in the graphic videos of children being raped and molested that he has seen all too often on the Web. “It’s beyond horrible to listen to the … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, blaming, child development, childhood abuse, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, conflict, criminal justice model, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, ethics, fear, Gabor Mate, meaning, perception, pornography, power and powerlessness, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, trauma, trust, violence, vulnerability | Tagged addiction, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, alienation from self, alienation in relationship, alienation in society, altered consciousness, authority, awareness, belonging, bio psychosocial model, bio psychosocial perspective, biomedical model, child development, choice, connection, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, criminal justice system, cultural toxicity, denial, disconnection, dislocation, distress, empathy, expectation, fear, Gabor Mate, healing the past, hostility, impulse regulation, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, interconnectedness, interconnection, interdependence, loss of control, loss of meaning, low cost counselling exeter, manipulation, meaning of addiction, meaninglessness, medical model, meeting emotional need, mental health, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, Paul Gillespie, perception, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, powerlessness, relationship, self concept, self medication, self regulation, self soothing, separation, social context of addiction, social isolation, social isolation and health, societal responsibility, socio-economic disadvantage, substitutes for meaning, toxic culture, toxic stress, trauma, traumatised populations, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | 1 Comment

Neurons to Nirvana: Gabor Maté Interview

Posted on August 21, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

A wide-ranging collection of excerpts from an interview with Gabor Maté, covering addiction, ayahuasca, past experience, transitional states, Western medicine and the mind/body division, and much more besides. As always, he is very watchable and he talks sense. Well worth … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, actualizing tendency, anger, anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, blaming, child development, childhood abuse, cognitive, communication, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, conflict, congruence, consciousness, core conditions, criminal justice model, cultural questions, Disconnection, dying, ecological, ecological issues, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, ethics, external locus, fear, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, grief, growing up, healing, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, kindness & compassion, love, meaning, medical model, mindfulness, natural world, neuroscience, non-conforming, organismic experiencing, paradigm shift, parenting, perception, person centred, physical being, political, power and powerlessness, presence, psychiatric drugs, psychiatry, reality, relationship, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, spirituality, surrender, sustainability, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, trauma, trust, values & principles, violence, vulnerability | Tagged addiction, addiction as slavery, addiction to profit, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, alienation at work, alienation from natural world, alienation from self, alienation in relationship, alienation in society, altered consciousness, anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, arrogance, attachment, authenticity, autonomy, awareness, Ayahuasca, belonging, bio psychosocial model, bio psychosocial perspective, biomedical model, Bruce Alexander, capitalism, ceremony, certainty, child development, choice, clarity, climate change, community, competition, connection, conscious, consumer society, consumerism, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, cultural toxicity, cultural toxicity and health, death, death as transition, denial, depression, disconnection, dislocation, distortion, distress, dying, ego, egoic mind, empathy, enlightenment, environmental stressors, Exeter Counselling, existential meaning, expanding choice, expanding freedom, expectation, false meaning, First Nations, forming intention, freedom, Gabor Mate, Gaia, Globalisation of Addiction, grace, healing the past, human arrogance, humility, impulse regulation, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, indigenous cultures, individualism, individuality, inner work, intention, interconnectedness, interconnection, interdependence, interdependent core, intimacy, intuition, loss of control, loss of meaning, low cost counselling exeter, manifestation, materialism, meaning of addiction, meaninglessness, medical model, medicine as ideology, meeting emotional need, mental health, mindfulness, moving between states, neuroscience, not knowing, nurture, opening the heart, openness, orende, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, perception, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal responsibility, plant medicine, plants as teachers, prayer, presence, psychedelic drugs, Psychosis, purging, receptivity, relationship, release, resistance, sacredness, sacrifice, scientific model, self awareness, self concept, self medication, self regulation, self soothing, separation, separation of mind and body, social context of addiction, social coping mechanisms, social isolation, social isolation and health, societal responsibility, socio-economic disadvantage, soul, spiritual teachers, spirituality, stewardship, stress and health, substitutes for meaning, surrender, teacher plants, therapeutic effect of community, therapeutic effect of relationship, Tibetan Buddhism, toxic culture, toxic stress, transience, transition, transitional states, trauma, traumatised populations, uncertainty, unconditional love, unconscious, UPR, web of life, western culture, Western individuality, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gabor Maté – Toxic Culture, Bioneers Conference 2012

Posted on May 27, 2015 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘The birth and death of any phenomena is connected to the birth and death of all other phenomena. The one contains the many, and the many contains the one.’ The Buddha Insightful talk that the ever-watchable Gabor Maté gave at … Continue reading →

Posted in anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, child development, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, core conditions, creativity, cultural questions, diagnoses of Asperger's, Diagnoses of autism, Disconnection, ecological, ecological issues, empathy, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, meaning, medical model, natural world, neuroscience, paradigm shift, perception, person centred, political, power and powerlessness, psychiatric drugs, psychiatry, psychosis, relationship, research evidence, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, trauma, trust, vulnerability | Tagged addiction, addictive behaviour, ADHD, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, alienation at work, alienation from natural world, alienation from self, alienation in relationship, anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, asthma and stress, authenticity, auto immune disease, belonging, bio psychosocial model, bio psychosocial perspective, biomedical model, Bioneers 2012, Buddhism, capitalism, chemical control of children, child development, climate change, community, competition, connection, consumer society, consumerism, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creativity, cultural toxicity and health, denial, depression, disconnection, distortion, distress, effect of divorce, effect of maternal depression on child, empathy, environment and brain development, environmental factors, environmental factors in depression, environmental stressors, Exeter Counselling, existential meaning, false meaning, Gabor Mate, Gaia, impulse regulation, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, individualism, interconnectedness, interconnection, interdependence, interdependent core, intimacy, intuition, loss of control, loss of meaning, low cost counselling exeter, materialism, meaning of addiction, meaninglessness, medical model, medicine as ideology, meeting emotional need, mental health, neuroscience, nurture, ODD, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal responsibility, post partum depression, presence, Psychosis, relationship, self concept, self medication, self regulation, self soothing, separation, separation of mind and body, social coping mechanisms, social isolation, social isolation and health, societal responsibility, socio-economic disadvantage, stewardship, stress and health, substitutes for meaning, therapeutic effect of community, therapeutic effect of relationship, toxic culture, toxic stress, trauma, unconditional love, UPR, web of life, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

The Power of Addiction and The Addiction of Power: Gabor Maté at TEDxRio+20

Posted on October 27, 2014 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Another wonderful talk from Gabor Maté, this time coming in at a little under 19 minutes. We think he’s bang on, both in terms of what he says about addiction and in terms of the wider implications of this for … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, child development, childhood abuse, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, Disconnection, ecological, ecological issues, emotions, external locus, fear, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, grief, growing up, healing, human condition, medical model, parenting, perception, political, power, power and powerlessness, psychiatric drugs, risk, self concept, sexual violence, suicide, TED, trauma, trust, violence, vulnerability | Tagged 'eating disorder', abuse of power, addiction, addiction to power, adverse childhood experience, affordable counselling exeter, alcoholism, anorexia, belief, brain chemistry, bulimia, childhood development, childhood distress, childhood trauma, compulsive behaviour, compulsive eating, compulsive shopping, compulsive spending, coping strategies, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, drug abuse, drug addiction, drug dependency, drug use, ecology, Gabor Mate, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, loss, low cost counselling exeter, medicating pain, misuse of power, nature or nurture, neuroscience, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parental disfunction, parental distress, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, political power, politics, porn addiction, power addiction, power of addiction, regulating emotion, sadness, self harming, self medicating, self regulation, self soothing, sex addiction, stillness, TED, TEDx, The Possible Human, trauma, Who are we when we are not addicted, Who We Are When We Are Not Addicted, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gabor Maté ‘Who We Are When We Are Not Addicted: The Possible Human’

Posted on October 13, 2014 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

As promised a couple of days ago, here is an whole hour of the wonderful Gabor Maté, sharing his thoughts on this theme. The writer watched this last night, and found it spell-binding. He’s original, profound and funny – and … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, actualizing tendency, anti-depressants, child development, childhood abuse, cognitive, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, empowerment, family systems, fear, flow, Gabor Mate, healing, human condition, immanence, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, Joseph Campbell, love, medical model, meditation, mindfulness, organismic experiencing, paradigm shift, perception, person centred, psychiatric drugs, psychiatry, reality, relationship, sadness & pain, self, self concept, spirituality, sustainability, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, transformation, trauma, trust, vulnerability, wonder, working with clients | Tagged 'eating disorder', addiction, adverse childhood experience, affordable counselling exeter, alcoholism, anorexia, Ayahuasca, belief, brain chemistry, bulimia, childhood development, childhood distress, childhood trauma, compulsive behaviour, compulsive eating, compulsive shopping, compulsive spending, coping strategies, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, drug abuse, drug addiction, drug dependency, drug use, enlightenment, faith, Gabor Mate, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, loss, low cost counselling exeter, medicating pain, nature or nurture, neuroscience, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parental disfunction, parental distress, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, porn addiction, regulating emotion, sadness, self harming, self medicating, self regulation, self soothing, sex addiction, spirituality, stillness, The Possible Human, trauma, Who are we when we are not addicted, Who We Are When We Are Not Addicted, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | 1 Comment

The Roots of Addiction – Gabor Maté

Posted on October 10, 2014 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Powerful, moving film with Gabor Maté talking about the origins and nature of compulsive behaviours and substance use. We are going to post some longer films of Gabor Maté’s work – this is another taster, at just over 3 minutes. … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, child development, childhood abuse, compulsive behaviour, Disconnection, emotions, external locus, family systems, fear, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, genetics, grief, growing up, human condition, internal locus of evaluation, loss, sadness & pain, trauma, violence | Tagged 'eating disorder', addiction, adverse childhood experience, affordable counselling exeter, alcoholism, anorexia, brain chemistry, bulimia, childhood development, childhood distress, childhood trauma, compulsive behaviour, compulsive eating, compulsive shopping, compulsive spending, coping strategies, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, drug abuse, drug addiction, drug dependency, drug use, Gabor Mate, loss, low cost counselling exeter, medicating pain, nature or nurture, neuroscience, pain, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parental disfunction, parental distress, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, porn addiction, regulating emotion, sadness, self harming, self medicating, self regulation, self soothing, sex addiction, trauma, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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