Category Archives: shaming

Jeff Foster on Sadness and anger

Posted on September 10, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Some extraordinarily important words from Jeff about our relationship with emotions perceived as ‘difficult’ and the judgments these attract…. We are often struck by how common those judgments are, even among the ‘spiritual’ and even among therapists – as if … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, anger, boundaries, congruence, Disconnection, emotions, human condition, Jeff Foster, loss, love, meaning, perception, power, presence, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shaming, spirituality, surrender, transformation, vulnerability | Tagged acceptance, acceptance of emotions, acceptance of feelings, affordable counselling exeter, anger and boundaries, anger and power, authenticity, boundaries, coming home to ourselves, congruence, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, difficult emotions, ego mind, impermanence, Jeff Foster, letting go, love and impermanence, low cost counselling exeter, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, purpose of anger, purpose of sadness, remembering ourselves, sacredness, sadness and being open, self protection, separate self, shame and difficult feeling, speaking truth, speaking your truth, transience, use of anger, use of sadness, wholeness, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Reasons not to use ‘timeouts’ or ‘naughty steps’

Posted on August 21, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Useful short film, explaining how ‘timeout’ or the ‘naughty step’ harm your relationship with your child and damage their ability to connect helpfully with their feelings and with you. Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling in Exeter since 1994

Posted in anger, blaming, boundaries, child development, communication, compassion, cultural questions, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, family systems, growing up, interconnection & belonging, parenting, relationship, sadness & pain, self concept, shame, shaming, teaching, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, building relationship, conscious parenting, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating boundaries, emotional awareness, emotional intelligence, low cost counselling exeter, models of connection, models of disconnection, models of intimacy, models of separation, naughty step, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, time-outs, timeouts, why time outs harm your child, why time outs harm your relationship with your child, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Ursula Le Guin on the unhelpfulness of ideas about ‘deserving’

Posted on May 5, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', blaming, conditions of worth, cultural questions, ethics, good, guilt, human condition, perception, shaming, Ursula Le Guin | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, concepts of fair, conditions of worth, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural ideas of deserving, dispossessed, earning and deserving, fairness, fault and blame, human worth, intrinsic human worth, low cost counselling exeter, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, punishment and reward, Ursula Le Guin, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Matt Licata on Ego

Posted on October 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

‘Ego’ for many of us becomes a term of abuse for self/other and source of shame. Here’s a radically different and far more accurate/useful take on this…. Thanks, Matt. Here’s the text for those who have difficulty seeing Facebook links:- … Continue reading →

Posted in blaming, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, encounter, human condition, identity, kindness & compassion, love, Matt Licata, meaning, meditation, organismic experiencing, perception, presence, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shame, shaming, spirituality, vulnerability | Tagged 'eating disorder', abandoning experience, addictive behavior, addictive behaviour, addictive eating, affordable counselling exeter, anxious avoidant attachment, aroused nervous system, attachment, attachment figures, attuning to experience, avoiding feeling, avoiding pain, avoiding suffering, blaming, claustrophobia, coming home to yourself, compassionate response, compensatory behavior, compensatory behaviour, complaining, compulsive eating, conceptual spirituality, conscious awareness, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, critical thoughts, cycle of abandonment, denying experience, denying feelings, denying pain, denying reality, disembodied, disembodiment, disordered eating, dissociation, doorway into wholeness, ego, ego as process, embodied response, embodied vulnerability, emotional suffering, empathy, escaping vulnerability, existential meaning, experience distant, experiencing ego, experiential, experiential learning, feeling unsafe, Great Mystery, heartbreak, heavy heart, humanness, invitation into presence, kind curiosity, kindness to self, limbic fight flight, longing, low cost counselling exeter, managing anxiety, Matt Licata, meaning of ego, meditative enquiry, moving away from pain, othering, overwhelming anxiety, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, panic, person centred counselling exeter, personal process, presence, process, projective identification, rage, restlessness, returning home, sadness, self abandonment, self aggression, self blaming, self care, self compassion, self empathy, self enquiry, self love, self nurture, self shaming, shame, shaming, spirituality, splitting, vulnerability, warmth, what is ego, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, yogic response | Leave a comment

Criticism: Are you willing to take the hit? Toko-pa

Posted on August 21, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://toko-pa.com/2017/08/21/criticism-are-you-willing-to-take-the-hit/ Click on the above link to visit Toko-pa’s site for this helpful reflective piece, on our ability to receive criticism, and distinguish between what has the potential to teach us and what is harmful. ‘…there are two major consequences … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, awakening, boundaries, congruence, consciousness, creativity, cultural questions, empowerment, external locus, fear, gratitude, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, loneliness, loss, meaning, perception, relationship, resilience, self, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, Toko-pa, values & principles, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, ambiguity, art, articulating yourself, belonging, cheap criticism, constructive criticism, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creative cycle, creativity, creativity and criticism, destructive criticism, external locus, feeling criticised, feeling criticized, feeling shame, finding your voice, giving your gifts, inspiration, internal locus, low cost counselling exeter, meaningful criticism, medicine gifts, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, personal medicine, praise and gratitude, receiving criticism, relationship, resilience, shaming, soul path, soul purpose, the creative, Toko-pa, Tokopa, trusting your intention, uncovering your gifts, uncovering yourself, unique medicine, using criticism, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

What Chester Bennington’s death tells us about mental health awareness

Posted on July 23, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://doctorgoatblog.wordpress.com/2017/07/22/what-chester-benningtons-death-tells-us-about-mental-health-awareness/ Click on the link above for this wise, heartful post by an anonymous blogger who identifies as Dr Goat. This expresses much of how we make sense of human distress at this service. There is (for example) no evidence … Continue reading →

Posted in anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, borderline personality disorder, CBT, childhood abuse, community, cultural questions, cultural taboos, diagnoses of bipolar, Disconnection, DSM, emotions, empowerment, ethics, external locus, healing, hearing voices, interconnection & belonging, medical model, non-directive counselling, Palace Gate Counselling Service, paradigm shift, perception, political, psychiatric abuse, psychiatric drugs, psychiatry, psychosis, relationship, sadness & pain, schizophrenia, self concept, self esteem, shame, shaming, therapeutic growth, therapeutic relationship, trauma, values & principles, violence, vulnerability, working with clients | Tagged 1 in 4, accessing support, accumulated distress, ACES, addiction, addressing past trauma, Adverse Childhood Exeperiences, adverse circumstances, adverse events, affordable counselling exeter, anxiety, anxiety and depression, art and trauma, being functional, bereaved by suicide, Big Phama, biomedical intervention, biomedical reductionism, building community, bullying, CBT, CBT as temporary fix, changing behaviour without addressing causes, chemical imbalance theory, Chester Bennington, childhood trauma, cognitive behavioural therapy, collective responsibility to each other, continuing adversity, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, coward’s way out, cuts to health and social care, dealing with abuse, dealing with neglect, dealing with violence, death by suicide, depression, depression as brain disorder, depression as disease, depression as illness, do mental health problems go away, DSM5, economic productivity as measure of worth, effect of bereavement, effect of trauma on health, effect of trauma on well being, emotional states, empathy, enhancing community, enhancing mental health, enhancing relationship, enhancing well being, equating medical with valid, expanded diagnostic criteria, expanding diagnostic criteria, expressing grief, expressing sadness, expressing sorrow, feeling ashamed, feeling embarrassed, feeling shame, fight flight freeze, grief process, grieving process, impact of bereavement, impact of trauma, impact of traumatic experience, individual pathology, interbeing, interconnection, interdependence, invalidating distress, judgemental, Linkin Park, loneliness, long term recovery, low cost counselling exeter, manifestations of mental distress, medical pathology, medical validation of distress, medicalisation of distress, medicalisation of emotion, medicalisation of feeling, medicalisation of human experience, medicalisation of sadness, medicalization of distress, medicalization of emotion, medicalization of feeling, medicalization of human experience, medicalization of sadness, mental distress, mental health awareness, mental health problems, mental health recovery, mental health stigma, mental health support, natural human reactions, need for recovery time, need for rest, need for time to adjust, normal emotions, not functioning, ongoing adversity, over medicalisation, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parity of esteem, past trauma, person centred counselling exeter, person’s context, post traumatic stress, promoting mental health, promoting well being, psychiatric reductionism, public grief, pull yourself together, reactions to suicide, reductionism in biomedical model, relationship breakdown, relationship failure, responding to distress, sexual abuse, shame, social causes of mental distress, social causes of mental health problems, suicide is selfish, suicide narrative, underlying issues, understanding mental health, unresolved distress, vulnerability, whole person, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | 1 Comment

‘Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink’ Kristi Coulter

Posted on July 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink Click on the above link to visit Quartz Media’s site, for Kristi’s great piece about women, alcohol and our culture. This is from a U.S. perspective … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, advertising, anger, autonomy, awakening, boundaries, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, embodiment, equality, external locus, feminine, Gender & culture, gender identity, guilt, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, mindfulness, non-conforming, objectification, organismic experiencing, perception, physical being, political, power and powerlessness, presence, reality, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, trust | Tagged acceptance, accepting the unacceptable, addiction, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, altering natural responses, anger as energy, avoiding change, beer yoga, being a woman, being everything, being ignored, being interrupted, being shamed, being underestimated, being undermined, being who you are, belonging, body consciousness, body image, camouflage, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conditioning, conditions of worth, conforming, conformity, conscious living, consciousness, controlling women’s bodies, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural conditioning, cultural disembodiment, cultural pathology, cultural sickness, cultural trauma, dealing with bigotry, dealing with discrimination, dealing with prejudice, disconnecting, disconnecting from emotion, disconnecting from experiencing, disconnecting from feelings, disconnection, disembodied, displacement behaviour, dissociating, doing everything, drink as signifier, drivers, enjoying, enjoyment, equality, escaping reality, experiencing bigotry, experiencing discrimination, experiencing prejudice, facing reality, fairness, faking it, feminine conditioning, feminine role models, feminism, finding enjoyment, finding well being, First World Problems, First World woman, free time, gender oppression, gender privilege, generating well being, intolerable reality, invisibility, it’s not fair, Jiddu Krishnamurti, judginess, judging others, lack of equality, low cost counselling exeter, mansplaining, maternity leave, Matrix, micro aggressions, mindful savoring, mindful savouring, mindfulness, minimising, minimizing, misogyny, need for a drink, needing a drink, no acceptable way to be a woman, no easy way to be a woman, non conforming, non conformity, not knowing, numbing, numbing natural responses, objectification, objectifying, oppression, organismic, overriding yourself, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, patriarchal attitudes, patriarchal oppression, patriarchy, peer pressure, perfection driver, perfectionism, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, Planned Parenthood, purpose of anger, sacred feminine, scarcity of role models, self acceptance, self care, self hatred, self love, self medicating, self rejection, self soothing, self trust, self-loathing, shame, shaming, shaming women, shrinking from reality, sick culture, sick society, sobriety, softening reality, softening the edges, supporting mothers, supporting women, systemic depletion, systemic exhaustion, telling women to smile, toughness, trusting natural responses, trusting who you are, trusting yourself, trying driver, using anger, Vinyasa & Vino, well-being, wetiko, Wetiko Capitalism, wetiko psychosis, Wetikonomy, women drinking, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

The Loneliness of Donald Trump – Rebecca Solnit

Posted on June 29, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://lithub.com/rebecca-solnit-the-loneliness-of-donald-trump/ Click on the link above to visit http://www.lithub.com for this perceptive and sad piece by Rebecca. ““They were careless people,” F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote of the rich couple at the heart of The Great Gatsby. “They smashed up things and … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', accountability, boundaries, bullying, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, equality, ethics, identity, interconnection & belonging, loneliness, meaning, metaphor & dream, objectification, person centred, political, power, power and powerlessness, reality, self, self concept, shadow, shame, shaming, trauma | Tagged A New York City Atlas, absolute power, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, alternative facts, always wanting more, American buffoon, awareness, awareness of oneself in relation to others, awareness of others, be careful what you wish for, being closed to others, being mocked, belonging, breaking things, bully of fact, bullying, butt of jokes, calling to account, collective shadow, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, consumer society, consumerism, cooperative relationship, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, covfefe, craving, cultural shadow, democracy of mind and heart, democracy of social discourse, derision, destructive pride, distorted reality, distorted sense of self, Donald Trump, Dorian Gray, echo chamber, ego mind, egomaniacs, enduring challenge, enduring contradiction, equality, equality keeps us honest, everyone is important, existential meaning, expanding awareness, experiencing mockery, experiencing shame, F Scott Fitzgerald, fake university, feeding the beast, feeling worthless, Fisherman's Wife, flattery, fortune’s fool, free press, gaining awareness, grasp exceeding understanding, graven image, hall of mirrors, Hannah Arendt, harming others, hedonism, hubris, hungry ghost, image building, importance of boundaries, importance of consequences, importance of limits, indulgence, inner dialogue, inner ethical compass, insatiable greed, interbeing, internal ethical system, inward ethical system, isolation, it’s not about you, Karma, karmic balance, Krista Tippet, lack of awareness, loneliness, lonely at the top, low cost counselling exeter, Lyndsey Stonebridge, making demands, materialism, meaninglessness, Midas touch, mirroring, moral world, narcissists, need for flattery, nemesis, no concept of otherness, no concept of others, Nonstop Metropolis, objectification, objectifying, Occupy Wall Street, On Being, On the Origins of Totalitarianism, overreach, overreaching, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, peer feedback, person centred counselling exeter, personal shadow, power and glory, power and prominence, power corrupts, powerlessness, powerlessness and inauthenticity, powerlessness and pretence, pretending, privilege, privilege and oblivion, privilege and obliviousness, Pushkin, Rebecca Solnit, reductionism, reflecting mirror, relational responsibility, reputational damage, responsibility to other, retribution, rule of law, self concept, self destruction, self harming, self hatred, self imposed isolation, self protection, self reflection, self-destructive behaviour, self-loathing, self-responsibility, self-structure, sense of self, shadow, shaming, slow suicide, social responsibility, sociopaths, solipsism, subordinating the system of government, suppressing evidence, the banality of evil, The Fisherman and the Golden Fish, The Great Gatsby, The Mother of All Questions, the void, trauma, tyranny, vast carelessness, wanting to have your own way, willingness, worthlessness, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Jordan Peterson on Finding a Voice

Posted on June 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

The writer has a sense that she and Jordan might see some fundamental things differently….and she is pretty much word for word with him on this, although (at least sometimes) she might say it with softer energies these days…. … Continue reading →

Posted in accountability, actualizing tendency, blaming, bullying, civil rights, communication, conditions of worth, congruence, cultural questions, diversity, education, empowerment, ethics, fear, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, meaning, non-conforming, perception, political, power and powerlessness, presence, risk, scapegoating, self concept, self esteem, shaming, trauma, violence, vulnerability | Tagged accountability, actualising, actualizing, affordable counselling exeter, attachment to outcome, authentic expression, authenticity, being articulate, blaming and shaming, bullying, choosing consequences, choosing your consequences, closing down free speech, closing people down, coercive control, collective scapegoating, conditions of worth, congruence, connectedness, connection, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating meaning, degrees of separation, diversity, dynamics of oppression, empowerment, ethics and responsibility, existential meaning, facing the consequences, feeling safe to speak, free speech, group mentality, human networks, interconnection, internal locus, investing in outcome, investment in outcome, Jordan Peterson, living in a bubble, living in a vacuum, living with consequences, logocentricity, longing for truth, low cost counselling exeter, mob mentality, motivation for nihilism, non conforming, not safe to speak, oppressive behaviour, order and chaos, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, personal responsibility, power of speech, power of truth, procrastinating, procrastination, quest for meaning, say what you think, saying what you think, scapegoating, self realisation, self realization, self respect, self-responsibility, shaming, shaming as bloodsport, shaming as control, speaking out, speaking your truth, speech as divine, stand up for your truth, taking risks, tell the truth, upstanding, value of authenticity, value of truth, web of life, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

The thorn in my side – Anne Lamott

Posted on May 9, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.salon.com/2017/04/02/the-thorn-in-my-side-i-tried-to-let-go-of-my-poisonous-grudge-against-another-writer/ Click on the above link to visit http://www.salon.com for this excerpt from April from Anne’s new book ‘Hallelujah Anyway’. Interesting and open piece about resentment, self blame and moving on through…. Here’s the book link:- Palace Gate Counselling … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, anger, Anne Lamott, blaming, compulsive behaviour, conflict, cultural questions, identity, perception, power and powerlessness, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, spirituality, surrender | Tagged addiction, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, Anne Lamott, anxiety, anxiety and blame, authenticity, bearing grudges, being competitive, being heard, being judged, being rejected, Bird by Bird, blaming others, blessed are the meek, bondage of self, call and response, competition ethic, competitive tendencies, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conditioning, conditions of worth, confession, connection, control over chaos, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, detachment, disliking yourself, divine love, ethic of service, experiencing jealousy, experiencing rejection, experiencing the gift, feeling competitive, feeling empty, feeling like a fuckup, feeling mean, feeling remorse, feeling shame, finding humility, finite human nature, fixing yourself, forgiveness, fucking up, grace and mercy, Grace Eventually, grief and confusion, Hallelujah Anyway, hearing someone’s pain, Help Thanks Wow, hiding, Imperfect Birds, jealousy and judgement, jealousy and judgment, judging others, keeping secrets, kindness, low cost counselling exeter, mercifulness, mercy, offering mercy, Operating Instructions, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians, person centred counselling exeter, Plan B, presence, rediscovering mercy, regret, remorse, resist less, resistance, Rosie, Schadenfreude, Scoop Nisker, seeing the gift, self blame, self blaming, self concept, self dislike, self judgement, self judging, self judgment, self-loathing, self-structure, sense of emptiness, sense of humility, sense of identity, sense of self, sense of smallness, shaming, Small Victories, Some Assembly Required, spiritual autobiography, spiritual growth, spirituality, St. Paul’s letters, Stitches, submission and servitude, surrender, thorn in my side, toxic behaviour, toxic qualities, Traveling Mercies, truth out loud, try harder, trying and resistance, unconditional love, willingness, working with envy, working with resentment, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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