Category Archives: family systems

Reasons not to use ‘timeouts’ or ‘naughty steps’

Posted on August 21, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Useful short film, explaining how ‘timeout’ or the ‘naughty step’ harm your relationship with your child and damage their ability to connect helpfully with their feelings and with you. Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter Counselling in Exeter since 1994

Posted in anger, blaming, boundaries, child development, communication, compassion, cultural questions, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, family systems, growing up, interconnection & belonging, parenting, relationship, sadness & pain, self concept, shame, shaming, teaching, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, building relationship, conscious parenting, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating boundaries, emotional awareness, emotional intelligence, low cost counselling exeter, models of connection, models of disconnection, models of intimacy, models of separation, naughty step, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, time-outs, timeouts, why time outs harm your child, why time outs harm your relationship with your child, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Trauma, injury, illness and waking up – Monica Cassani

Posted on June 6, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Trauma, injury, illness and waking up Click on the title link above for this post by Monica, whose site holds a great richness of resources for anyone seeking healing or seeking alternatives to the psychiatric model perspectives. This post has many … Continue reading →

Posted in awakening, community, compassion, consciousness, creativity, cultural questions, embodiment, emotions, family systems, flow, generational trauma, grief, growth, healing, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, kindness & compassion, mindfulness, Monica Cassani, Palace Gate Counselling Service, perception, physical being, psychiatric drugs, psychiatry, Rachel Naomi Remen, self, therapeutic growth, transformation, trauma, vulnerability, working with clients | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, ancestral awareness, awakening, awakening consciousness, being with emotions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating community, embodiment, everything matters, feeling emotions, generational trauma, importance of compassion, Krishnamurti, low cost counselling exeter, meditation, mindfulness, Monica Cassani, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, Rachel Naomi Remen, therapeutic growth, trauma and awakening, trauma and transformation, trauma work, traumatic experience, www.beyondmeds.com, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | 1 Comment

Rupi Kaur on confusing anger and kindness

Posted on April 30, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“Every time you tell your daughter you yell at her out of love you teach her to confuse anger with kindness which seems like a good idea till she grows up to trust men who hurt her cause they look … Continue reading →

Posted in anger, boundaries, child development, communication, cultural questions, family systems, feminine, growing up, kindness & compassion, love, parenting, perception, relationship, trust, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, boundaries, compliance, conditions of worth, conforming, confusing anger and kindness, congruence, conscious parenting, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating boundaries, empowerment, expressing yourself, feminism, internal locus, low cost counselling exeter, misplaced trust, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting and anger, parenting and boundaries, people pleasing, person centred counselling exeter, raising children, realness, rupi kaur, seeking approval, self concept, self esteem, self-determination, self-structure, shouting at children, trust, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Dr. Gabor Maté on Donald Trump, Traumaphobia & Compassion – John Lavitt

Posted on January 4, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://www.thefix.com/dr-gabor-mate-donald-trump-traumaphobia-and-compassion-interview ‘…a few days ago, I met a young woman who was an emergency room physician in Detroit, and she had graduated from medical school in Michigan. Although I knew the answer, I asked her how many lectures she had … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, acceptance, accountability, blaming, bullying, child development, childhood abuse, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, criminal justice model, cultural questions, cultural taboos, dependence, Disconnection, empathy, encounter, ethics, external locus, family systems, fear, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, healing, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, meaning, objectification, paradigm shift, perception, political, power, power and powerlessness, psychiatry, research evidence, resilience, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, trauma, vulnerability | Tagged ACE, adaptive compensations, addict, addiction, addiction and trauma, addiction as choice, addiction as inherited brain disease, addiction as moral failing, addiction to profit, addiction treatment, addictive behaviors, addictive behaviours, addictive patterns, adult personality, affordable counselling exeter, being let down, belief systems, BEYOND DRUGS, brain as social organ, bullying, changing public perception, child development, child’s interaction with environment, childhood adversity, childhood circumstances and addiction, childhood trauma, combat veterans, compassion, compassionate treatment of addiction, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, connection with others, core fear, core pain, core threats, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, criminalising behaviour, criminalizing behaviour, cultural dysfunction, cultural hypocrisy, cultural oppression, demeaning, denial of climate change, denying dysfunctions, direction of healing, disappointed idealism, disappointed optimism, disillusionment, domineering personality, Donald Trump, Dr David E Smith, Dr Murthy, drug use, drugs and trauma, dysfunctional behavior, dysfunctional behaviour, dysfunctionality, dysfunctionality of addicted cerebrum, ego defence mechanism, ego defense mechanism, emotional environment, emotional environment and child development, emotional trauma, empathic resonance, empathy, escape from suffering, expanding self awareness, external locus, family systems, focus on capitalist growth, forced treatment, functionality, Gabor Mate, generational trauma, grandiosity, happiness index, helping people, humanity, idealistic hopes, in denial, inherited trauma, John Lavitt, judgment stigma and fear, lack of care, lack of nurture, lack of trauma services, lack of trauma treatment, loss of moral bearings, low cost counselling exeter, low self worth, mainstream medical views, marginalising, marginalizing, materialism, misogyny, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic, narcissistic obsession with self, negative consequences, negative self worth, negative sense of self worth, not judging people, numbing, objectification, opioid epidemic, oppression, othering, overcoming systemic prejudice, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, pathologising Donald Trump, pathologizing Donald Trump, pathology of Donald Trump, person centred counselling exeter, plank in eye, politics of oppression, power and powerlessness, power as marker of success, predisposition to addiction, projection, PTSD, PTSD and childhood trauma, punishing addicts, rageaholic, research on trauma, resistance to change, resistance to reality, role of trauma, role of trauma in addiction, seeing humanity in others, self awareness, self concept, self differentiation, self image, self-structure, sense of superiority, shadow, social exclusion, social ostracism, societal stigma, society in denial, substance use, survival mechanisms, systemic adjustment, systemic change, systemic reactions, the Haight Ashbury Free Clinic, toxic cultural norms, traumaphobia, traumaphobic, traumatised child, traumatized child, traumatized in childhood, Trump as cultural manifestation, Trump Clinton and Trauma, Trump is Obama’s legacy, understanding others, Universal Experience of Addiction, unresolved trauma, vulnerability, wealth as marker of success, why love matters, why was Trump elected, wilful ignorance, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Screaming to sleep, Part One: The moral imperative to end ‘cry it out’ Amy Wright Glenn

Posted on November 2, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.phillyvoice.com/screaming-sleep/ Click on the link above to visit Philly Voice’s site for this great piece by Amy. If you are a parent, or thinking about being a parent, or if you work with parents, read this… Too many unintentionally traumatised … Continue reading →

Posted in boundaries, child development, cognitive, communication, compassion, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, ethics, family systems, generational trauma, growing up, interconnection & belonging, love, parenting, power and powerlessness, presence, regulation, relationship, sleep, touch, trust, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, Aha Parenting, Amy Wright Glenn, attachment theory, authentic relationship, babies are not manipulative, babies’ needs, baby care, bad habits in babies, basic human needs, biological dyads, biological sync, bonding with your baby, bonds of attachment, brain connectivity, can babies remember, Caroline Fertleman, child care, child development, childhood development, childhood needs, CIO, co sleeping, coercing children, coercive behaviour, conditioning children, conscious parenting, control and compliance, controlled crying, controlling parental behaviour, coping strategies, coping with stress, coping with trauma, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating autonomy, creating independence, cry it out, crying and cortisol levels, crying babies, developing empathy, development of implicit memory, dominating behaviour, doula, Dr Benjamin Spock, early childhood development, Elizabeth Pantley, emotional regulation, emotional self regulation, enforced compliance, enforced submission, evolutionary attachment theory, evolutionary biology, extinction method, family bed, feeding overnight, forced sleep, forming attachments, forming identity, forming secure attachments, generational trauma, Gentle Sleep Book, gentle sleep training, growing empathy, hold your babies, human anthropology, ignoring a baby’s needs, ignoring crying, implicit memory, importance of connection, importance of contact, importance of touch, infant development, innate need, John Bowlby, lack of support for parents, Laura Markham, learning to self settle, leaving a baby to cry, low cost counselling exeter, managing stress, managing trauma, manipulative as term of abuse, meeting needs, mother and baby as conjoined unit, mother baby dyad, neocortex development, neocortex in babies, neocortex in toddlers, new parent, night waking as normal, night waking in babies, No Cry Sleep Solution, normal physiological behaviour in babies, normal sleep patterns for babies, normal sleep patterns in infancy, paediatric sleep, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, parenting boundaries, Peaceful Parent Happy Kids, person centred counselling exeter, presence, pro social behavior, protective mechanisms in infants, regulation of emotional responses, Richard Ferber, Sarah Ockwell Smith, secure attachment bonds, secure dependence, self preservation, self protection, self regulating, self regulating in babies, self regulation, self settle, self soothing, self soothing in babies, sensitive caregiving, settling babies, settling your baby, shaming mothers, shaming parents, Simone Cave, sleep experts, sleep trainers, Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problem, stress mechanisms, supporting parents, why love matters, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

‘Is mental illness real?’ Jay Watts

Posted on April 19, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/apr/12/is-mental-illness-real-google-answer?CMP=share_btn_tw Click on the above link for this interesting and important piece in the Guardian’s ‘Comment is free’ section, showing how these perceptions are gradually making it into the mainstream media…which is encouraging. For the writer, Jay still speaks in … Continue reading →

Posted in anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, autonomy, bullying, civil rights, compassion, cultural questions, diagnoses of bipolar, emotions, empathy, equality, ethics, external locus, family systems, generational trauma, healing, hearing voices, internal locus of evaluation, kindness & compassion, medical model, paradigm shift, perception, political, power, power and powerlessness, psychiatric abuse, psychiatric drugs, psychiatry, psychosis, research evidence, risk, sadness & pain, schizophrenia, shadow, trauma, violence, vulnerability | Tagged adverse childhood events, adverse childhood experience, Adverse Childhood Experience studies, adverse social conditions, affordable counselling exeter, alienation, anxiety, biased research outcomes in mental health, biased research outcomes in psychiatry, Big Pharma, biomedical intervention, biomedical model, biomedical reductionism, bipolar affective disorder, bullying, chemical imbalance myth, childhood adversity, childhood adversity and mental health, childhood experience, childhood sexual abuse, childhood trauma, cognitive dissonance, competitive culture, conceptualising distress as an illness, conceptualizing distress as an illness, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, CSA, dangers of antipsychotics, denying people’s truth, depression, disease and disorder model, displacement, distress and inflammation, distress and trauma, early separation, embodied response, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, environmental causes of distress, family interventions, family systems, hyper alert, hyper vigilance, inner world, invalidation, Is mental illness real, Jay Watts, just like any other illness narrative, Lived Experience, low cost counselling exeter, making sense of human suffering, making sense of suffering, medical reductionism, medicalisation of distress, medicalisation of emotion, medicalisation of feeling, medicalisation of human experience, medicalisation of sadness, medicalising childhood, medicalising distress, medicalization, medicalization of distress, medicalization of emotion, medicalization of feeling, medicalization of human experience, medicalization of sadness, medicalizing childhood, medicalizing distress, mental health, mental health constructs, mental health policy, mental health stigma, mental illness, mental illness constructs, neurobiological paradigm, over prescription of psychotropic drugs, overprescription of antidepressants, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, patriarchal model, patriarchy, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, pharmaceutical industry, physical abuse, politics of oppression, power relationships, privileging the biological, psychiatric model, psychiatric reductionism, psychosocial model, Recovery in the Bin, reductionism, reductionism in biomedical model, reductionism in psychiatry, reductive neurobiological paradigm, reductive paradigm, schizophrenia, scientific reductionism, separation, serotonin imbalance myth, sexual abuse in childhood, social effects of inequality, social effects of poverty, social exclusion, social factors in human distress, social inequalities, social norms, social problems, structural inequalities, structural oppressions, talking about mental health, toxic families, toxic injustice, toxic stress, unconscious bias, unequal power relationships, us and them, vulnerability, working with borderline, working with BPD, working with psychosis, working with schizophrenia, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Helping my daughter become whom she is meant to be

Posted on March 30, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.handinhandparenting.org/2012/06/helping-my-daughter-become-who-she-is-meant-to-be/ Click on the above link to visit http://www.handinhandparenting.org for this gorgeous and profound account of a mother supporting her 3 year old daughter through manifestations of distress, and thereby in dropping down into re-experiencing/processing and releasing birth trauma – with … Continue reading →

Posted in actualizing tendency, anger, birth trauma, child development, communication, core conditions, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, family systems, fear, growing up, guilt, Hand in Hand Parenting, healing, interconnection & belonging, parenting, physical being, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, tears, transformation, trauma | Tagged ADHD, affordable counselling exeter, aggression in children, aggressive behaviour, allowing children to cry, allowing crying, allowing your child to cry, birth trauma, biting in children, bouts of aggression, catharsis, cathartic crying, cathartic response, childhood aggression, conscious parenting, core pain, core upset, core wound, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating safe space, distress in children, effect of birth trauma, embodied pain, embodiment, emotional release, energy body, energy release, expressing fear, facilitating crying, facilitating tears, faddy eating, feeling trapped, guilt and remorse, Hand in Hand Parenting, healing through tears, helping your child with aggression, hitting in children, holding space, hyperactivity, hyperactivity and distress, listening to children, listening to your child, low cost counselling exeter, my child bites, my child hits, need to cry, needing to cry, offering closeness, pain body, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, picky eating, reactivity, releasing fear, Ritalin for children, safe space, staylistening, supporting behaviour change, transformative change, trapped energy, trust in the process, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Your baby does NOT need to ‘learn to self-settle’ Jessica Offer

Posted on December 15, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.kidspot.com.au/baby/baby-development/baby-behaviour/your-baby-does-not-need-to-learn-to-self-settle Click on the above link to read this post by Jessica on http://www.kidspot.com.au ‘If you’re questioning the rightness of your desire to pick up your baby when he cries, or lie beside him as he falls to sleep, read … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, autonomy, blaming, boundaries, child development, childhood abuse, civil rights, cognitive, communication, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, encounter, family systems, generational trauma, growing up, guilt, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, organismic experiencing, parenting, perception, person centred, person centred theory, physical being, power, power and powerlessness, pregnancy, presence, relationship, research evidence, resilience, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shaming, sleep, trauma, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, attachment theory, authentic relationship, babies are not manipulative, babies’ needs, bad habits in babies, basic human needs, biological dyads, bonding with your baby, brain connectivity, child development, childhood development, childhood needs, co sleeping, coercing children, coercive behaviour, conditioning children, conscious parenting, control and compliance, controlling parental behaviour, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating autonomy, creating independence, cry it out, crying and cortisol levels, crying babies, dominating behaviour, emotional regulation, emotional self regulation, enforced compliance, enforced submission, evolutionary attachment theory, evolutionary biology, feeding overnight, forming attachments, forming identity, forming secure attachments, generational trauma, Henry & Wang, hold your babies, human anthropology, ignoring a baby’s needs, ignoring crying, importance of connection, importance of contact, importance of touch, infant development, innate need, James McKenna, Jessica Offer, John Bowlby, learning to self settle, low cost counselling exeter, manipulative as term of abuse, meeting needs, mother and baby as conjoined unit, mother baby dyad, neocortex development, neocortex in babies, neocortex in toddlers, new parent, night waking as normal, night waking in babies, normal physiological behaviour in babies, paediatric sleep, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting boundaries, person centred counselling exeter, presence, protective mechanisms in infants, regulation of emotional responses, Sarah Ockwell Smith, secure dependence, self regulation, self settle, self soothing, self soothing in babies, settling babies, settling your baby, shaming mothers, shaming parents, sleep experts, sleep trainers, why love matters, www.kidspot.com.au, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Joy – David Whyte

Posted on September 6, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

David has dedicated this post today on his Facebook page to his daughter, who is beginning college. May all those venturing into the world, and those who love them, experience joy and aliveness. Here is the text, for those who … Continue reading →

Posted in awakening, beauty, consciousness, creativity, David Whyte, dying, embodiment, emotions, encounter, family systems, fear, flow, gratitude, grief, growing up, interconnection & belonging, loss, love, meaning, metaphor & dream, mindfulness, organismic experiencing, parenting, perception, photographs & pictures, physical being, presence, relationship, risk, spirituality, surrender, touch, trust, vulnerability, wonder | Tagged act of grace, affordable counselling exeter, aliveness, awakening, belonging, closeness, communion, connectedness, connection, Consolations, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, David Whyte, embodiment, encounter, engagement with life, ephemerality, existential meaning, father daughter relationship, generosity, grief and loss, inhabiting the edges, intentionality, interconnection, intimacy, joy, joy as a form of love, living with death, love is a gift, low cost counselling exeter, meeting fear, meeting our fears, metaphor, mortality, mystery, organismic, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parent child relationship, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, practice of generosity, presence, presence and absence, recognition, relationship, relationship with death, risk, risk and intimacy, risk and vulnerability, seasonality, self forgetting, solace, spirituality, surrender, Touch, transience, trust, unknowing, unknown, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Anne Lamott on Mother Rage

Posted on March 24, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Great piece for….anyone who has parented in any form…. Especially if you carry shame about some aspects of how you have parented. Kindness begins with own being, and radiates outwards – and that requires we parent our own light and … Continue reading →

Posted in anger, Anne Lamott, blaming, child development, compassion, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, emotions, empathy, encounter, family systems, growing up, guilt, interconnection & belonging, loneliness, love, parenting, presence, reality, relationship, resilience, shadow, shame, shaming, violence, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, Anne Lamott, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, good enough parenting, low cost counselling exeter, mother rage, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parental alienation, parental isolation, parental power, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, power and parenting, power imbalance, rage, resenting your child, shadow, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

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