Category Archives: guilt

Ursula Le Guin on the unhelpfulness of ideas about ‘deserving’

Posted on May 5, 2018 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', blaming, conditions of worth, cultural questions, ethics, good, guilt, human condition, perception, shaming, Ursula Le Guin | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, concepts of fair, conditions of worth, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural ideas of deserving, dispossessed, earning and deserving, fairness, fault and blame, human worth, intrinsic human worth, low cost counselling exeter, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, punishment and reward, Ursula Le Guin, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Spinning Straw – Tracy Cochran

Posted on September 12, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

https://parabola.org/2017/07/30/spinning-straw-by-tracy-cochran/?utm_content=buffer9bcb5&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer Click on the link above to visit the site for Parabola Magazine for this remarkable reworking of the Brothers Grimm. It is not long since we published a piece by Tracy – but the writer stumbled upon this at … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', abuse, acceptance, accountability, autonomy, beauty, blaming, boundaries, bullying, cognitive, compassion, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, consent, core conditions, creativity, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, fear, feminine, good, gratitude, grief, growth, guilt, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, loneliness, loss, love, meaning, metaphor & dream, objectification, perception, power, power and powerlessness, relationship, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self concept, shadow, surrender, Tracy Cochran, transformation, vulnerability | Tagged abandonment, abuse of power, acceptance by the tribe, affordable counselling exeter, aliveness, aloneness, ancestors, armouring, Arthur Rackham, asking the impossible, autonomy, autonomy and acceptance, autonomy and belonging, bargaining, being in the shadows, being invisible, being left, being more, being unable to hold boundaries, betrayal, betraying love, betraying truth, betraying what you love, bitterness, boundaries, Brothers Grimm, causing harm, compassion, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, craving life, cut off from life, dare to be straw, deepest humanity, desecrated, desperation, diminishing ourselves, disconnection, divided, doing more, doing the math, ego mind, embodiment, empathy, emptiness, empty life, entitlement, everyone is special, everything is sacred, everything is special, evolutionary biology, existential emptiness, existential meaning, fairy tales, fear as a driver, fear of death, fear of loss, fear reaction, feeding people, feeling connected, feeling invisible, finding a place, finding balance, finding your reflection in another, folklore, fully alive, good enough, Great Mystery, guilt, having a place, having choice, heartfulness, here and now, holding yourself apart from love, holy work, how to live, humility, identity, inner smallness, internal division, invading boundaries, isolating behaviour, joy of connecting, joy of connection, keeping yourself alone, keeping yourself separate, knowing another, knowing each other, lacking choice, learning how to live, life is more precious than gold, listening without judgment, little rattle stilt, living experience, living fully, locating yourself, losing yourself, loss and grief, low cost counselling exeter, meeting needs indirectly, meeting needs obliquely, metamorphosis, metaphor, mind limitation, mind trap, mirror of another, mirror of love, mortality, myth, nameless, needing others, newborn, no such thing as magic, no-one is special, non possessive love, not good enough, not knowing yourself, not special, nothing is sacred, nothing is special, objectification, objectifying, ordinary and sacred, othering, otherworldly, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, power and powerlessness, power over, present moment, privilege, promises and betrayal, pure love, rage, reflection of love, relationship as transaction, remembering ourselves, resilience, responding and reacting, Rumplestiltskin, sacred love, sacredness, science and magic, science not magic, self acceptance, self armouring, self awareness, self betrayal, self concept, self denigration, self enclosed, self enclosure, self hate, self isolation, self knowledge, self limitation, self love, self rejection, self-structure, sense of sacred, shadow, small self, speaking unwisely, speaking wildly, spinning straw, spinning straw into gold, splitting, story-telling, stuckness, submissiveness, submitting, surrender, survival and acceptance, survival and belonging, telling tales, the first mother, The Heart of Oak Books, the wheel turned, the witness, Tracy Cochran, transformation, transience, trapped in your head, trying to explain, trying to save ourselves, trying to save yourself, turning wheel, unbounded love, unconditional love, using others, value of being alive, value of life, wanting approval, wanting closeness, wanting connection, wanting to be acceptable, wanting to be close, wanting to be known, wanting to be seen, wanting to belong, wanting to feel important, wanting to matter, wanting to please, web of life, what keeps us from love, wholesome work, without consent, without judgment, witnessing consciousness, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

‘Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink’ Kristi Coulter

Posted on July 4, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink Click on the above link to visit Quartz Media’s site, for Kristi’s great piece about women, alcohol and our culture. This is from a U.S. perspective … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, advertising, anger, autonomy, awakening, boundaries, compulsive behaviour, conditions of worth, consciousness, cultural questions, dependence, Disconnection, embodiment, equality, external locus, feminine, Gender & culture, gender identity, guilt, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, mindfulness, non-conforming, objectification, organismic experiencing, perception, physical being, political, power and powerlessness, presence, reality, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, trust | Tagged acceptance, accepting the unacceptable, addiction, addictive behaviour, affordable counselling exeter, altering natural responses, anger as energy, avoiding change, beer yoga, being a woman, being everything, being ignored, being interrupted, being shamed, being underestimated, being undermined, being who you are, belonging, body consciousness, body image, camouflage, compulsion, compulsive behaviour, conditioning, conditions of worth, conforming, conformity, conscious living, consciousness, controlling women’s bodies, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural conditioning, cultural disembodiment, cultural pathology, cultural sickness, cultural trauma, dealing with bigotry, dealing with discrimination, dealing with prejudice, disconnecting, disconnecting from emotion, disconnecting from experiencing, disconnecting from feelings, disconnection, disembodied, displacement behaviour, dissociating, doing everything, drink as signifier, drivers, enjoying, enjoyment, equality, escaping reality, experiencing bigotry, experiencing discrimination, experiencing prejudice, facing reality, fairness, faking it, feminine conditioning, feminine role models, feminism, finding enjoyment, finding well being, First World Problems, First World woman, free time, gender oppression, gender privilege, generating well being, intolerable reality, invisibility, it’s not fair, Jiddu Krishnamurti, judginess, judging others, lack of equality, low cost counselling exeter, mansplaining, maternity leave, Matrix, micro aggressions, mindful savoring, mindful savouring, mindfulness, minimising, minimizing, misogyny, need for a drink, needing a drink, no acceptable way to be a woman, no easy way to be a woman, non conforming, non conformity, not knowing, numbing, numbing natural responses, objectification, objectifying, oppression, organismic, overriding yourself, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, paradigm shift, patriarchal attitudes, patriarchal oppression, patriarchy, peer pressure, perfection driver, perfectionism, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, Planned Parenthood, purpose of anger, sacred feminine, scarcity of role models, self acceptance, self care, self hatred, self love, self medicating, self rejection, self soothing, self trust, self-loathing, shame, shaming, shaming women, shrinking from reality, sick culture, sick society, sobriety, softening reality, softening the edges, supporting mothers, supporting women, systemic depletion, systemic exhaustion, telling women to smile, toughness, trusting natural responses, trusting who you are, trusting yourself, trying driver, using anger, Vinyasa & Vino, well-being, wetiko, Wetiko Capitalism, wetiko psychosis, Wetikonomy, women drinking, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Gil Bailie on the Crucifixion & Blame

Posted on April 15, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

“The surest way to miss the link between the cure (the crucifixion and its aftereffects) and the disease (the structures of scapegoating violence upon which all human social arrangements have depended) is to read the passion story with an eye … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', accountability, awakening, blaming, bullying, civil rights, community, compassion, conditions of worth, conflict, congruence, core conditions, criminal justice model, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, ethics, external locus, fear, guilt, human condition, identity, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, meaning, objectification, perception, person centred, person centred theory, political, power and powerlessness, presence, sadness & pain, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, shaming, spirituality, trauma, trust, violence | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, aggression of blame, blame, blame and responsibility, blaming, collective responsibility, collective scapegoating, collective shadow, commitment to self, compassion, conditional love, conditions of worth, connection, contempt of others, core beliefs, core conditions, core wounding, core wounds, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, cultural projection, cultural violence, empathic connection, empathic failure, empathy, encounter, expanding awareness, failure of empathy, finger pointing, Gil Bailie, hopelessness, human limitations, human needs, invalidation, inward enquiry, inwards enquiry, kindness, lack of validation, Lived Experience, loving kindness, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, meaning of evil, meaning of the crucifixion, need to be received, need to be seen, need to be witnessed, not good enough, open heart, own being, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, personal development, personal responsibility, personal shadow, phenomenological approach, presence, projecting, projecting shadow, projection, relationship, religious violence, sacred violence, scapegoating, self awareness, self blame, self care, self compassion, self concept, self contempt, self enquiry, self esteem, self expression, self judgement, self judgment, self perception, self worth, self-responsibility, self-structure, separation, shame, shaming, spirituality, suppressing need, suppressing self expression, trust, unlived life, unmet need, validation, validation of needs, Violence Unveiled, wholeness, withdrawal, witnessing, worth as a person, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Helping my daughter become whom she is meant to be

Posted on March 30, 2017 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.handinhandparenting.org/2012/06/helping-my-daughter-become-who-she-is-meant-to-be/ Click on the above link to visit http://www.handinhandparenting.org for this gorgeous and profound account of a mother supporting her 3 year old daughter through manifestations of distress, and thereby in dropping down into re-experiencing/processing and releasing birth trauma – with … Continue reading →

Posted in actualizing tendency, anger, birth trauma, child development, communication, core conditions, embodiment, emotions, empathy, empowerment, encounter, family systems, fear, growing up, guilt, Hand in Hand Parenting, healing, interconnection & belonging, parenting, physical being, presence, relationship, sadness & pain, tears, transformation, trauma | Tagged ADHD, affordable counselling exeter, aggression in children, aggressive behaviour, allowing children to cry, allowing crying, allowing your child to cry, birth trauma, biting in children, bouts of aggression, catharsis, cathartic crying, cathartic response, childhood aggression, conscious parenting, core pain, core upset, core wound, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating safe space, distress in children, effect of birth trauma, embodied pain, embodiment, emotional release, energy body, energy release, expressing fear, facilitating crying, facilitating tears, faddy eating, feeling trapped, guilt and remorse, Hand in Hand Parenting, healing through tears, helping your child with aggression, hitting in children, holding space, hyperactivity, hyperactivity and distress, listening to children, listening to your child, low cost counselling exeter, my child bites, my child hits, need to cry, needing to cry, offering closeness, pain body, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting, person centred counselling exeter, picky eating, reactivity, releasing fear, Ritalin for children, safe space, staylistening, supporting behaviour change, transformative change, trapped energy, trust in the process, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Your baby does NOT need to ‘learn to self-settle’ Jessica Offer

Posted on December 15, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

http://www.kidspot.com.au/baby/baby-development/baby-behaviour/your-baby-does-not-need-to-learn-to-self-settle Click on the above link to read this post by Jessica on http://www.kidspot.com.au ‘If you’re questioning the rightness of your desire to pick up your baby when he cries, or lie beside him as he falls to sleep, read … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, autonomy, blaming, boundaries, child development, childhood abuse, civil rights, cognitive, communication, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, encounter, family systems, generational trauma, growing up, guilt, interconnection & belonging, kindness & compassion, love, organismic experiencing, parenting, perception, person centred, person centred theory, physical being, power, power and powerlessness, pregnancy, presence, relationship, research evidence, resilience, scapegoating, self, self concept, self esteem, shaming, sleep, trauma, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, attachment theory, authentic relationship, babies are not manipulative, babies’ needs, bad habits in babies, basic human needs, biological dyads, bonding with your baby, brain connectivity, child development, childhood development, childhood needs, co sleeping, coercing children, coercive behaviour, conditioning children, conscious parenting, control and compliance, controlling parental behaviour, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, creating autonomy, creating independence, cry it out, crying and cortisol levels, crying babies, dominating behaviour, emotional regulation, emotional self regulation, enforced compliance, enforced submission, evolutionary attachment theory, evolutionary biology, feeding overnight, forming attachments, forming identity, forming secure attachments, generational trauma, Henry & Wang, hold your babies, human anthropology, ignoring a baby’s needs, ignoring crying, importance of connection, importance of contact, importance of touch, infant development, innate need, James McKenna, Jessica Offer, John Bowlby, learning to self settle, low cost counselling exeter, manipulative as term of abuse, meeting needs, mother and baby as conjoined unit, mother baby dyad, neocortex development, neocortex in babies, neocortex in toddlers, new parent, night waking as normal, night waking in babies, normal physiological behaviour in babies, paediatric sleep, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, parenting boundaries, person centred counselling exeter, presence, protective mechanisms in infants, regulation of emotional responses, Sarah Ockwell Smith, secure dependence, self regulation, self settle, self soothing, self soothing in babies, settling babies, settling your baby, shaming mothers, shaming parents, sleep experts, sleep trainers, why love matters, www.kidspot.com.au, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Hello self-loathing, my old friend – Elisabeth Svanholmer

Posted on November 29, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Hello Self-loathing, my old friend… Click on the link above to visit Elisabeth’s website – http://www.livinglifegently.live – to read this post. The writer experiences regular turns of this wheel herself, and so do most of those she works with. Elisabeth’s perspective … Continue reading →

Posted in acceptance, autonomy, conditions of worth, cultural questions, cultural taboos, emotions, empathy, encounter, equality, ethics, external locus, guilt, hearing voices, immanence, internal locus of evaluation, Jung, kindness & compassion, perception, power and powerlessness, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, shadow, shame, unconditional positive regard, values & principles, violence, vulnerability | Tagged acceptance, affirmations, alienation, attachment to beliefs, attempt to reassure, autonomy, awareness, being alongside, being disliked, being judged, belief and sense of purpose, belief systems, better than, body shame, boundaries, cocooning, colluding, community, configurations of self, conflicting beliefs, connection, core belief, cycles of anxiety, cycles of overwhelm, cycles of self loathing, cycles of shame, darker side of being human, death cafes, desire to be hurt, desire to hurt, dialoguing, differing perceptions, differing realities, differing understandings, difficult emotions, discerning, dishonesty, distressing belief, distrust, Elisabeth Svanholmer, emotional withdrawal, emotions, equality, ethical standards, existential meaning, expanding awareness, expressing needs, expression of needs, feeling ashamed of fantasies, feeling ashamed of thoughts, feeling chosen, feeling disconnected, feeling dismissed, feeling frustrated, feeling powerless, feeling special, feeling superior, feeling unacceptable, feeling undeserving, feeling unlovable, feeling unworthy, finding hope, fixing, giving yourself permission, gratitude, hardwired for connection, harshness, harshness to self, hating yourself, having horrible thoughts, hearing multiple voices, hearing voices, hiding from others, hiding from self, higher power, holding beliefs lightly, holding reality lightly, holding space, honouring parts of self, hopefulness, horribleness, human needs, humble, humility, immanence, incongruence, inferiority, intentions, keeping safe, making sense of experience, megalomania, not knowing, numbing, offering reassurance, organising experiences, others’ expectations, pain of self loathing, pep talks, perceptions, pleasing everybody, pleasing people, positive affirmations, protective beliefs, proving yourself, reassuring, recognition, repression, rescuing, secret keeping, seeking approval, seeking reassurance, seeking relief, self care, self compassion, self concept, self containment, self empathy, self hate, self love, self pity, self protection, self talk, self-loathing, self-structure, sense of equality, sense of purpose, shadow, shame, shameful dreams, simplifying beliefs, something wrong with me, spiritual bypass, states of being, staying safe, superiority, suppression, taboos, temporary emotional states, trust, trying to be liked, uncertainty, uncertainty of multiple realities, uncomfortable emotions, unconditional positive regard, unconscious behaviour, unconscious living, unique being, violence, violence to self, Voice Dialogue, withdrawing, witnessing, worthiness, www.livinglifegently.live | Leave a comment

Liz Gilbert on how to hold ourselves lovingly when life’s tough

Posted on August 8, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Click on the link for this Facebook post by Liz Gilbert (of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ fame). We posted something from Liz not that long ago – and this feels important, so here is another… People who come to this service … Continue reading →

Posted in abuse, acceptance, blaming, compassion, conditions of worth, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, Elizabeth Gilbert, emotions, empathy, empowerment, grief, growth, guilt, kindness & compassion, love, Palace Gate Counselling Service, presence, resilience, sadness & pain, self, self concept, self esteem, transformation, trauma, vulnerability, working with clients | Tagged acceptance, accountability, affordable counselling exeter, authenticity, awakening, beautiful freak, being broken, being emotional, being judgmental, being sensitive, being with difficult feeling, brokenness, causing pain to others, compassion, confusion, core conditions, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, dealing with crisis, dealing with divorce, dealing with loss, denial, deserving love, difficult emotion, difficult feeling, distortion, divorce, Elizabeth Gilbert, embarrassment, emotional endurance, empathy, family illness, feeling broken, feeling shame, forgiveness, grace, grief, grieving, haters, hating, hatred, human struggle, hurting others, kindness, kindness to self, Liz Gilbert, loss, love, low cost counselling exeter, low self esteem, managing crisis, maturing, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, practicing self love, radical self acceptance, radical self love, regret, remorse, repression, responding to crisis, self abuse, self acceptance, self attack, self awareness, self care, self compassion, self criticism, self degradation, self doubt, self empathy, self esteem, self hatred, self honesty, self love, self-responsibility, shame, strong emotion, suffering, tenderness, transformation, uncertainty, wishing you were different, withholding, withholding love, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Pema Chödrön: What to Do When You Lose It Completely

Posted on July 21, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Just under 3 minutes of gold from Pema. What she suggests is a pause, a directing of the attention inwards, rather than into an/another explosion outwards of resentment or aggression. The purpose is an opening and a softening, to self … Continue reading →

Posted in 'evil', anger, blaming, compassion, conflict, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, embodiment, emotions, empathy, forgiveness, guilt, kindness & compassion, love, mindfulness, objectification, Pema Chödrön, perception, presence, resilience, self, self concept, shadow, shame, shaming, surrender, violence, vulnerability | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, aggression, anger management, armouring, binary, compassion, conditions of worth, conflict, conflict resolution, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, de-armoring, de-armouring, dearmoring, dearmouring, disconnecting, embodiment, emotional chain reaction, escalating conflict, escalating rage, feeling your feelings, fire energy, going off on others, guilt, heat of anger, losing it, low cost counselling exeter, managing rage, manifesting reality, meeting fear, meltdown, objectifying, othering, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, Pema Chödrön, person centered conflict resolution, person centred counselling exeter, polarisation, polarization, rage, reactivity, reconnecting, relational connection, remorse, repressing emotion, repressing feeling, resentment, responding, responding not reacting, responding to fear, self acceptance, self calming, self compassion, self concept, self criticism, self denigration, self enquiry, self soothing, shadow, Shambhala, shame, shaming, tenderness, unconditional love, violence, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk | Leave a comment

Human – Chiara Montaldo’s interview

Posted on May 29, 2016 by Palace Gate Counselling Service

Another interview clip from Yann Arthus-Bertrand’s film ‘Human’. This one feels especially relevant right now – something about engaging with reality, in place of story, and humanity, in place of ‘othering’. Here’s the short description for the ‘Human’ project/fim:- ‘What … Continue reading →

Posted in boundaries, compassion, conflict, cultural questions, Disconnection, diversity, equality, ethics, guilt, human condition, loss, perception, power and powerlessness, sadness & pain, scapegoating, shadow, trauma, violence, vulnerability, Yann Arthus-Bertrand | Tagged affordable counselling exeter, alienation, Chiara Montaldo, collective shadow, compassion, conflict, connectedness, counselling exeter, counsellor Exeter, counsellors Exeter, disconnection, diversity, economic inequality, empathy, encounter, ethics, home, Human, human spirit, inequality, interconnection, interdependence, loss, low cost counselling exeter, need for home, Other Story, othering, Palace Gate Counselling Service, Palace Gate Counselling Service Exeter, person centred counselling exeter, person-centered, person-centred, refugee crisis, refugees, relationship, responsibility, scapegoating, shadow, shared humanity, Syrian refugees, trauma, violence, vulnerability, www.palacegatecounselling.org.uk, Yann Arthus-Bertrand | Leave a comment

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