“We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us and we do it with political systems, with all kinds of things that we don’t like about our associates or our society.
It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others….Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground.”
From where the writer is looking, blaming is perhaps the single most dangerous and toxic of our cultural orthodoxies, arising out of and perpetuating harm. Pema is accurate about its purpose. Brené Brown also talks about this in this RSA short:-
Our human task is about de-armouring, a willingness to be vulnerable and so authentically present in relationship. This becomes possible in a loving context, not a blaming one. The core purpose of therapy is to provide this supportive environment.
Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter
Counselling in Exeter since 1994