Aggression and the Vigorous Snuggle: Rachel Schofield, Hand in Hand Parenting

Click on the link for this ‘conscious parenting’ site, and an excellent article by Rachel Schofield on the meanings of aggression in children, and how to meet this as a parent in a way that will support you and your child – enhancing your relationship, rather than producing the toxic spiral that many of us will remember participating in (with a wince), and all of us have seen acting out in the supermarket, playground etc…

The whole ‘conscious’ movement could as well be termed ‘person-centred’ – be that in the sphere of parenting or any other aspect of living our human lives in relationship with ourselves, each other and the natural world.

One aspect of this article that strikes us is how readily the wisdom Rachel offers can be applied to adult experience too.

In talking therapy, the ‘vigorous snuggle’ in literal terms is the exception rather than the rule (and that, of course, takes us into a whole other debate about how our cultural ‘monster under the bed’ fears of touch play out in the therapeutic arena – see for example: ).

However, the emotional need – to have experiences of disconnection met in relationship with holding, closeness and love, rather than the arm’s length, the ‘professional’, the cognitive or the punitive – is the same. This is what Carl Rogers’ UPR, acceptance, ‘prizing’ looks like in motion.

As one client put it in the writer’s experience (used with permission):-

‘I don’t need you to accept my feelings from the detached and separate safety of your therapist’s chair. I need you to get into my feelings with me and wrestle/cuddle me into knowing I am loved.’

The power of this – informed and guided by empathy and congruence, and under-pinned by the therapist’s own process work – is what creates real relationship in therapy, and is where deeper healing lies.

Here’s the Hand in Hand Facebook page too – lots of useful resources:

Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter

This entry was posted in acceptance, anger, Carl Rogers, child development, client as 'expert', clients' perspective, conflict, congruence, core conditions, cultural questions, Disconnection, empathy, growing up, Hand in Hand Parenting, healing, interconnection & belonging, love, parenting, person centred, person centred theory, physical being, relationship, therapeutic relationship, violence, working with clients and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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