Oriah Mountain Dreamer on Putting herself to one side

“Stepping Away

There is this pattern I sometimes unconsciously slip into that does not work well for me. I learned it early- a coping strategy in a childhood home where th­­e adults’ underlying rage and unhappiness was like an ever-present threat beneath the antiseptic scent of well-scrubbed appearances.

What I learned to do to survive was to continuously tune into others: to vigilantly and constantly watch and listen with my whole body and being; to anticipate what might be required; to disconnect from any sense of my own life – whether casual preferences or soul-deep desires – in order to serve the other’s priorities.

I felt I had to earn my right to be for one more day, every day.

When my marriage to my sons’ father ended I remember telling a friend, “When I live with another I turn too much of my inner face toward them and lose myself over time.”

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter

Advertisements
This entry was posted in child development, conditions of worth, Disconnection, external locus, family systems, growing up, identity, interconnection & belonging, internal locus of evaluation, Oriah Mountain Dreamer, relationship, self and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s