‘Most of us have learned to view acceptance with suspicion and mistrust. We equate acceptance with acquiescence, or with the condoning of indiscriminate behaviour. This occurs when we get confused about what acceptance is. Acceptance is not something we can give to a person or thing. It only exists as a function of our relationship to our own experience. In other words, I cannot accept you; what I do is to accept unconditionally all the feelings I have when I am with you, all the thoughts I have about you. This means that I own that they are mine and are not created by you. It also means that I am committed to participating with these feelings. I accept my own experience. I am not here to validate or invalidate yours. When I accept my experience, I commit one of the most loving acts possible – I stay out of the way of your experience.
One of the most hurtful things we can do in relationship is to believe the other person caused us to feel the way we are feeling: ‘You made me angry!’ as if there was a button they pushed that we, like motorized toys, had no choice but to obey. Psychologists have a fancy phrase for this: the external locus of control.’
Getting Our Bodies Back: Recovery, Healing and Transformation through Body-Centred Psychotherapy: Christine Caldwell
Christine is a somatic therapist. This is an excellent book, readable, jargon-free, deeply person-centred, and well worth locating. Here’s the Amazon link:-
Palace Gate Counselling Service, Exeter